Saving Silverman Page #13

You don't want to marry Judith.|Admit it.

-Of course I do.|-Okay.

Then look into my eyes and say it.

I want to marry Judith.

Look into both our eyes|at the same time and say it.

I'm out of here.

Come on. We're sorry, okay?

What we did was wrong.

We gotta stop that wedding.

Dude, how?

Let's go, you maggots!|Kill! Kill! Kill!

Coach. Yeah, it's Wayne and J.D.|Look, we need your help.

I'd do anything for you boys.|Name it, you got it.

Well, we need you to post bail for us.|It's $10,000 apiece.

-No way!|-Come on, coach.

We need your help.

Jail life is real tough. They're--

They're sodomizing us in here.

What?! They're corn-holing you?

Oh, my God. That's horrible.|Don't worry. I'll get you out.

You got sodomized?|Who? I want to meet him.

What is that?

Sounds kind of like my truck.

Come on, boys. Let's go.

Get the lead out, boys! Hut, hut!

Come on, move it!

You're free. Now, where to, boys?

Go left.

Charge!

Sandy Perkus...

...do you vow to lead|a life of poverty...

...chastity, obedience...

...and silence?

Wait!

Sorry.

Look, you can't do this.

-You love Darren, right?|-Well, yeah.

-Well, Darren loves you.|-Really?

Darren's her boyfriend,|but he has this other girlfriend...

-...and he's getting--|-So, what are you gonna do?

Go, my child.

-Okay.|-Come on.

We've got a wedding to crash!

Go. Go. Go.

Bye, everybody!

Damn. Lost another one.

Son of a b*tch.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Oh, here. We got you some clothes.

Where did you get these?

J.D.'s sister.

-She's a stripper.|-And a hooker.

Go! Gotta go!

Oh, my gosh!

Neil Diamond!

What the hell is going on?

Neil, let me explain.

You're the guys who send me all those|letters and tapes. Naked pictures.

What? We never sent you|any naked pictures.

-Dude.|-Sorry.

Mr. Diamond, you gotta|help us save our buddy.

He's marrying the wrong woman.

Sandy and Darren, they broke up.

Love on the rocks.|Ain't no big surprise.

-Help us get them back together.|-I don't know.

Turn on your heart light.|Judith brainwashed him.

For years, Darren loved me,|but I never knew it.

Hold it. Hold it!

-Hold on.|-And did I mention I was gay?

I've spent my life writing songs|about the power of love...

...but up until right now,|they've only been words.

This may be my chance to prove that|those words really mean something.

-You say that if Darren marries...|-Judith.

-...Judith, he'll be miserable.|-Right.

I believe in happy endings. If Neil|Diamond has anything to do with it...

...this love story will have one.

Come on! Yeah!

We got Neil Diamond onboard!|All right!

-Where we going?|-The park on America Avenue.

-5-0!|-What?

Cops. Caprice.

Five cars back. Goddamn heat.

One little prison break,|and they're all over you.

Whoa, coach.

No matter what happens,|don't look back.

Just get this sweet gal|to the man who loves her.

I'd rather be cut down in a hail|of gunfire than to go back to jail.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Diamond.

Coach, look out!

They're not cops!

Hey, we're coming to America.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here|today to join Darren Silverman...

...and Judith Fessbeggler|in holy matrimony.

If anyone has any objections,|speak now.

I do.

-What?|-Neil?

-Neil!|-Neil.

Get to the part where we say, "I do."

Oh, my!

-Say, "I do."|-No.

Say, "I do."

I can't. Because I...

...I love Neil...

...and I love Sandy.

You're in love with this slut?

I am not a slut.

Sandy is my one and only someone.

What about me?

Who's my someone?

You ruined my life!

But I saved Darren's!

Just because I lost Darren|doesn't mean I'm crazy enough...

...to hook up with you!

Why can't you just admit that|when you kissed me, you liked it?

You're right. I have a weakness|for incompetent morons.

Admit it!

I'm the strong-willed,|assertive man that you need...

...and you're the hard-core b*tch|that I've always dreamed of.

What about you?

-When are you gonna get hitched?|-Actually, I'm not. I'm gay.

Me too.

Really?

By the power vested in me|by the state of Washington...

...I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

I now pronounce you man and man.

You may kiss the man.

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