Scary Movie 2 Page #23

CLOSE ON:

RADIO:

D.J. (O.S.)

This one goes out to that someone

special from Alex over at the Hell

House. She says that even though you

two have only known each other for a

short time now, she feels a certain

connection to you that she's never

felt with any man alive. And even if

it doesn't work out between you two,

she wants you to know that there

will always be a special place for

you in the heart. So, Poltergeist,

this one's for you.

Alex climbs into bed and spreads rose petals all around.

Everything's ready. She sits back and waits.

While she waits, she puts the time to good use by doing some

sexual calisthenics. She lies flat on her back, sticks her

legs in the air, and stretches them wide apart a few times.

One-two-three-, one-two-three.

Then she gets on all fours and does a few stick-your-ass-

high-in-the-air stretches. One-two-three.

Then she does the simulated oral sex gesture, first with the

right hand, then with the left, making sure her forearms are

nice and loose. One-two-three, one-two-three.

A few facial and mouth exercises and she's done.

ALEX:

Well, I'm going to sleep now. So, if

there's some ghostly man out there

who wants to take advantage of me,

there's probably nothing that I will

be able to do about it because I'm

really a heavy sleeper! Okay, here I

go.

Alex gets under the covers and pretends to fall asleep.

A beat and Alex opens her eyes and looks around.

ALEX:

I'm asleep now. I really am.

She closes her eyes.

A count of ten and she sits up.

CUT TO:

INT. DOWNSTAIRS FOYER -- MOMENTS LATER

Just as the GANG is about to leave the house, a LOUD RUMBLE,

along with a violent wind, all the doors and windows lock.

Everyone desperately tries to open a door or break a window.

CINDY:

He won't let us go. He's going to

kill us.

DWIGHT:

Quick, everyone to the lab.

CUT TO:

INT. BASEMENT STAIRS -- MOMENTS LATER

Dwight leads everyone to the basement door. He opens it. A

long flight of concrete steps.

DWIGHT:

Those steps look kind of hard. I'm

gonna need some help.

By now, the group is so used to Dwight going down steps,

they simply give him a push.

Dwight goes tumbling down the hard steps. The gang running

behind him.

Dwight lands hard at the bottom of the steps. The group

tramples him as they rush by.

DWIGHT:

(heroic)

Don't mind me. Save yourselves.

CUT TO:

INT. LAB -- CONTINUOUS

Everyone assembled inside. Dwight finally catching up, his

wheels slightly bent and his glasses, a mangled mess.

DWIGHT:

Quick. Lock the door.

BUDDY and SHORTY lock the door.

CINDY:

What are we gonna do?

DWIGHT:

We have to destroy him.

RAY:

How we gonna destroy what we can't

see?

SHORTY:

I got it! We shave off our pubic

hairs and use the shampoo for ten

days. What? Ya'll never had crabs?

Dwight rolls over to a complex machine with a circle marked

on the floor in front of it.

DWIGHT:

Ghosts are just energy fields. We

can capture that energy. We can

dissipate it! But in order to do

that, we've got to get him in here.

On that spot.

BUDDY:

That's great Einstein. How are we

gonna do that? There's a powerful

force out there ready to render us

helpless, tear on our flesh, and

penetrate our bodies.

RAY:

He's right. I should go first.

BRENDA:

He's so brave.

Dwight rolls over to a supply cabinet, opens it and starts

to hand out equipment.

Dwight is arming the teenagers, giving them each a strange

looking gun.

DWIGHT:

These are highly experimental guns

that emit a bolt of concentrated

energy able to damage ectoplasmic

cells, giving it the ability to injure

or even destroy a ghost. There is no

ammunition. You only get three shots

a piece, so use it very wisely.

Goofing with his gun, shorty fires it at Brenda's butt,

burning it.

BRENDA:

Hey!

Shorty laughs.

DWIGHT:

Conserve your ammunition!

SHORTY:

Sorry... right, right...

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