Scary Movie 3 Page #3

Wait a minute!

MAHALIK:

Whoo! All right!

All right!

That was hot!

That was tight, Fat Joe.

Yo!

Now everybody give it up

for my man, George!

Deejay, spin that sh*t!

- Whoo!

- [Mid-tempo beat plays]

Come on! Come on!

Everybody!

[Note plays]

B*tch

[Lower note plays]

Ho

[Notes playing]

Now everybody in the 2-0-2

Throw your hands in the air

'cause Fat Joe is through

Now everybody in the 2-0-2,

throw 'em up

- Check it out.

- [Chanting] Go! Go! Go!

I'm a white boy,

but my neck is red

I put Miracle Whip

on my Wonder Bread

My face is pale,

Nah, I've never been in jail

Me and Buffy spend

every winter at Vail

How many b*tches

have I slapped?

Zero, unh

And Martha Stewart

happens to be my hero

I grew up on a farm,

and I was born with no rhythm

Dr. Phil's my uncle,

and I like to hang with him

I can't dance,

I wear khaki pants

My middle name's Lance,

my grandma's from France

So maybe I'm wack

'cause my skin ain't black

But you can't talk smack

'Cause whitey

just struck back

Whoo!

That's what I'm talking about!

MAHALIK:

Give it up for George!

That's my boy right there!

That's what...

Oh, sh*t.

Ooh.

[Crowd murmuring]

George! George!

The hood!

Lose the hood!

- I know. We're in the 'hood now!

- No, man!

He's a dead man.

You guys feeling me?

In the 'hood?

[Crowd booing]

Whoa! Whoa!

Aah!

That's it.

I'm done.

Oh, man, you can't give up rap

just like that.

Rap shmap.

Look! You still got it!

See?

BRENDA:
Thanks for coming over

tonight, Cindy.

I guess I'm just going through

a rough time.

Brenda, you want to tell me

what's really bothering you?

Well, there's something

I need to...

I saw a tape.

I think you should know

about it.

It had these really

shocking images, Cindy.

Brenda, it was Mardi Gras.

I never drank vodka before,

and I was out of beads!

No, not that tape, Cindy.

Well, I guess it's just

an urban legend.

You watch it.

And as soon as it's over,

your phone rings

and a creepy voice says...

[Distorted voice] "You're

gonna die in seven days."

[Normal voice]

And seven days later...

When did you watch it?

A week ago.

A week ago tonight.

Brenda.

Oh, my God!

- Oh, Brenda!

- [Choking]

Brenda!

Oh, my God!

- Oh! Oh!

- [Laughs]

Oh, my God!

You b*tch!

Ketchup!

You should have seen

the look on your face!

You got me!

- Brenda? Brenda?

- [Stammering]

Oh, my God, Brenda!

Brenda?

[Screams]

I can't believe you fell

for that fake seizure!

But it seemed so real!

- It did, didn't it?

- And you peed!

Yeah! I really sold

that sh*t, didn't I?

I just love the look on

your face when you are scared!

Girl, you are too easy.

- Aah!

- Aah!

I got you

with the old fake hand!

Ooh!

Girl, you were scared!

Well, I know!

Oh, come on.

I was just kidding.

Well, you've taken it

too far, Brenda.

I'm gonna go get

the rest of the popcorn.

Cindy?

Oh, forget it.

I am not falling for it again.

Oh, come on.

Cindy, the news is on.

Another little white girl

done fell down a well.

ass beat by police today,

but the whole world got to stop

for one little whitey

down a hole.

Cindy!

The TV's leaking!

Cindy?

Cindy, something's wrong here.

Cindy, this b*tch

is messing up my floor!

[Whimpers]

Cindy, help me!

I'm not listening.

Get up, you little ugly b*tch,

Come on!

Let me see what you got!

What you gonna do?

That's all?

Ooh!

Ooh!

I'm whipping her ass, Cindy!

Yeah!

What's up?

[Grunts]

Ooh!

Aah!

Cindy, please help me!

- Cindy!

- [Telephone rings]

Okay.

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Father Muldoon here.

We're getting along famously.

Thanks again, Father.

Bye-bye.

Brenda?

Brenda?

Brenda?

Aah!

GEORGE:

Oh, my God.

Yes. Yes.

Of course I'll tell her.

Thank you.

Sue's teacher, Brenda.

She's...

She's dead.

Oh.

I better tell her.

No, no, no.

I can do it.

Sue?

Yes?

You know your teacher,

Miss Brenda?

Yeah.

- She's dead!

- Aah!

Gone forever!

Died a horrible, painful death!

Gone, gone, gone,

just like your dog!

My dog's dead?

I just ran him over with the car

when I drove in!

Everyone you love around you

is dying!

- Aah!

- Aah!

Hello, Father.

Don't call me Father.

I haven't been

a clergyman since...

I'm sorry about that night.

If I hadn't fallen asleep

while driving

for that exact 20 minutes.

If I hadn't drank that exact

whole bottle of Jgermeister.

If only I hadn't killed

that hooker.

Sayaman.

I don't see what any of this

has to do with Annie.

I'm sorry.

Those were other nights.

But if it had been that night,

I might have missed her.

That terrible night.

[Whimpers]

["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]

Hey!

It's your wife, Father.

She's hurt.

Annie?

She was hit by a truck,

and she's pinned against a tree.

I don't understand.

As long as the truck has her

pinned, she'll stay alive.

I still don't get it.

This is your wife.

She broke her wiener?

Look what happens to the taco.

Look, I don't understand

all this fancy medical lingo.

I want to see Annie.

She's split in half.

You mean like down-the-middle

in half?

At the waist.

You mean this is the last time

I can talk to the top half?

Yes.

The truck is the only thing

that is holding her together.

Let's say this is

her bottom half.

Can I squeeze in

a few minutes with that?

I'm not sure what you mean.

- Let me explain.

- Tom.

Go to her.

Tom, I'll need a ride home.

Hey, baby.

How's it going?

Oh, I'm dying, Tom.

Don't talk like that.

The truck barely hit you.

[Coughs]

Honey.

Kiss me one last time.

Promise me you'll never remarry.

I promise.

And no sex, either.

I'm sorry.

I didn't catch that.

[Grunts]

No sex.

Honey, you're not

speaking clearly.

- Your injuries must be awful.

- No sex.

Oh, cruel fate to shroud my

wife's dying words in mystery.

- No sex!

- Poor Annie.

We hardly knew her.

- She'll be missed terribly.

- Oh, Jesus.

That's right, honey.

Go into the light.

Look!

Just tell George, swing away.

Right.

Swing away.

Oh, sure.

That you understand.

[Gasps]

Annie?

Annie!

I'm sorry, dude.

Don't call me dude.

I'm not a stoner anymore.

Not since...

["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]

Goodbye, Tom.

[Tires screech]

[Sheep bleating, crash]

[Horn blaring]

Amazing grace

How sweet...

I'm so sorry,

Mr. and Mrs. Meeks.

Brenda was a good friend

when she was alive.

[Crying]

My sweet, sweet Brenda.

She looks so peaceful.

Oh...

If only God had taken us

instead of our daughter.

And knowing your Brenda

like I did,

I'd say she wishes

the same thing.

These just came today.

Photos from a trip she took.

They're blank.

Turn them around, honey.

Oh.

Yes, of course.

Who's this?

That's Ralph.

He's right over there.

Cody?

It's a boy.

He's going to be an a**hole.

Smoke all you want.

You're gonna get hit by a bus.

That's not fooling anyone.

Cindy.

- George.

- Hey.

Sue wanted to pay her respects

to her teacher.

You?

Brenda was my b*tch.

Of course.

Hmm.

Are you okay?

It's just the open coffin.

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