Scary Movie 3 Page #4

I can't believe they leave it

out here like this.

- George, it's a wake!

- Awake?!

- Brenda! It's a miracle!

- No! George, stop!

I thought you were dead!

Sue, your teacher's alive!

Hello?!

I got your back, George!

I got your back!

She's alive!

I'll tell you what!

- Oh!

- [Crowd gasping]

GEORGE:
Mahalik!

She's alive! Brenda!

George, stop!

She's dead!

No!

We won't lose you again!

Mahalik, help!

Nothing!

- Ooh!

- [Screams]

She's not breathing!

No!

Live, damn it!

Live!

Live, damn it!

Live!

Let me open her windpipe!

MRS. MEEKS:

No! Oh, God!

Charles!

Charles, stop them!

Breathe!

Someone stop them!

What are they doing?!

Get up!

She's alive!

She's alive!

Wake up!

Breathe!

[All shouting]

- Charles! Charles!

- Clear!

No!

Aah!

I got something!

I got something!

[Gasps, screams]

Aah!

- That's it!

- George!

That's the last time I try to

bring anyone back from the dead.

George, don't get down

on yourself.

I know you were only trying

to help.

You're a good, caring person.

Which is why I like you.

Oh, thanks, Cindy.

But I don't want to

screw your life up, too.

The most caring thing I could do

for everyone right now

is to just get out of here.

George!

What about Sue?

Oh, yes.

Of course.

Once I get Sue, then...

Wait!

I could really use a friend

right now.

Brenda's gone.

Cody resents me.

And I'm caught up in something

I can't even...

Oh, God, it's so hard!

Well, you're beautiful and

you're pressing up against me.

Look, Cindy.

I know you'd never consider

going out with a guy like me.

But if you're not too busy

tomorrow night...

Is that a yes?

Yes.

Cindy, did Brenda

ever talk to you about a tape?

She did mention something.

Do you mind if I go upstairs

and look around?

Yes, go.

Of course. Go.

Cody, I'll be right back, okay?

You're getting lucky tonight.

He doesn't know you're a guy.

[Thunder crashes]

[Thud]

Oh, sh*t.

[Splash]

[Stammering]

[Vomiting]

[Growls]

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

[Man speaking indistinctly]

What?

Willie Mays?

[Mumbling]

Who's gay?

Hello?

[Mumbling]

What?

Can you hear me now?

Kind of.

- Can you hear me now?

- Yes. Perfect.

Seven days.

Seven days.

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna die next Monday?

Yes.

No. Wait.

Monday. That would be

seven business days.

This is seven days starting now.

So seven days to this very hour?

My watch broke.

How am I gonna know

the exact hour?

Forget hours.

This day seven days from now.

But there's a holiday coming up.

Do you count the holiday?

Well, that depends.

What holiday?

- Martin Luther King Day.

- Then no.

Why not? Everybody at work

is taking it off.

Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving

you seven friggin' days.

I can come over now and kill the

sh*t out of you if you'd rather.

[Click, dial tone]

Yo, George, I don't care

what you say, man.

I'm signing you up

for another rap battle.

Mahalik, I told you.

That part of my life is over.

I said the same thing about

getting with C.J.'s sister.

- I'm still hitting that.

- He's still hitting it, man!

And she fine as sh*t!

That's my sister! What?

It doesn't matter.

I'm done.

- So what are you gonna do?

- I don't know.

[Laughs]

Yeah! Yeah!

A-come on!

Maybe my brother was right.

Maybe I should just settle down.

[Laughing]

- What's up, then?!

- Mother...

I got another one, y'all.

Yo, George, man, you can't focus

on that sh*t, man.

- Let that go.

- [Laughing]

Hey, you got to try

this sh*t, George.

Ow!

Yo, man, you got to take

the lid off!

- Oh, yes. Of course.

- Sorry!

[Cell phone rings]

Hello?

CINDY:
George, something

terrible has happened!

[Gasps]

Cindy, are you okay?

What's going on?

George, you have to help me.

I just watched the same tape

that killed Brenda.

Then the phone rang, and this

voice said I was gonna die.

Cindy, there's no such thing

as a killer videotape.

- Oh.

- Hell, yeah, there is!

I know somebody who can

help you.

- You do? Who?

- Wait up, man.

I heard Jamal from 90th street

watched that tape last week.

This morning he woke up dead.

How in the hell

do you wake up dead?

'Cause you're alive

when you go to sleep.

You're telling me you can go

to bed dead and wake up alive?

MAHALIK:

You can't go to bed dead!

- That sh*t would be redundant.

- No, it wouldn't.

'Cause you can go to bed

and not be dead.

And you can die

but not be in a bed.

But you are in a bed, man.

That's how you wake up dead

in the first place!

Damn! That's some quantum sh*t

right there, man!

You should be teaching classes!

- Just tell me who can help me!

- Damn!

My Aunt ShaNeequa.

Her and her man

into this weird sh*t.

They saw the tape before anybody

else knew about it.

- Go see them tonight.

- Tonight? Yeah.

But who will take care of Cody?

CODY:
George,

we're gonna have so much fun.

I have some puzzles

and board games

and baseball cards in my room

and this really cool

model airplane.

- I'm gonna go get it.

- Sure.

Okay, so I made him a snack.

You can give him some warm milk

if he can't go to sleep.

- Everything's gonna be fine.

- Here it is.

I'm great with kids.

Heads up, Cody.

Ugh!

- Oh, I left some numbers.

- I'm okay.

Ugh!

Sorry.

You okay, kiddo?

That a boy.

- [Tires screech, horn honks]

- And I guess that's it.

- Okay, I'm off.

- Right.

You know, it's funny.

All a child ever really wants

is a family.

Yo.

Cody really likes you.

Oh, he's a good kid.

Yeah.

Oh!

- Bye.

- Bye.

- [Door closes]

- [Exhales deeply]

Hello?

I know.

You're Cindy.

Be right with you.

Aunt ShaNeequa?

Bingo.

But you can call me

the Oracle.

And don't worry about that vase.

What vase? Oh!

Sorry. I didn't know.

Oh! Aah!

That vase.

Please, sit.

[Farts]

It was the chair.

Mmm.

[Farting loudly]

Yes, the chair.

I know why you've come.

A great mystery

lies ahead of you,

but you must not shy away

from the challenge.

- Only you can be the one...

- [Door opens]

[Volume on TV increases]

- Orpheus?

- What, baby?

Sweetie?

I'm watching the game.

Do you mind?

The Lakers will win by 12.

- So can you tell me about...

- The tape?

- Yes. I watched it and...

- The phone rang.

- Right. Then this voice said...

- That you would die.

- Okay, that's getting...

- Extremely annoying.

Yeah.

Try being married to her.

I catch sh*t about women

I ain't slept with yet.

You made a copy of the tape.

Let's see it.

Yes. Okay.

ShaNeequa, can you tell me if...

The tape is connected to the

crop circles and the aliens?

Yes. But it's up to you

to discover how for yourself.

Look, it's a...

SHANEEQU A:

Cigarette?

I was going to say lighthouse.

ORPHEUS:
Find that lighthouse.

It's your destiny.

Wait.

What is that?

Oh, my God.

[Fly buzzes]

There we go.

Ugh!

Now, baby.

I knew that was gonna happen.

Uh-oh.

Come on.

[Whistling]

SHANEEQU A:

Oh, hell, no.

Get your ass out of the TV!

What's wrong with you?

I'm gonna teach you!

Get out of that TV!

Baby, no! No!

Let her go! Let her go!

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