Scary Movie 3 Page #5
Let her go!
She spit on me.
I'm gonna kill the b*tch.
Ah!
You won.
You won.
You won.
You won.
- Upstairs.
- Okay.
- Down low.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Baby, no!
- Kill her! Is you crazy?
- Baby!
[Laughs]
What you gonna brush now, huh?
Come on, baby!
to come out of.
George?
Cody?
Oh!
George?
- Ow!
- What happened?
I don't know.
Cody and I were playing
a fun game,
and then I looked down.
[Gasps]
Yahtzee!
No!
Oh, my God!
How could you let him
watch the tape?
[Telephone ringing]
Hello?
- MAN:
It's me. How you doing?- Fine.
Enjoying your last week?
I can't wait to see you.
- Six days now, right?
- Yeah.
Can I speak to Cody?
Why?
He didn't watch the tape.
Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy,
I do this for a living.
Leave us alone!
[Rings]
Hello?
Hello, I'm calling
from "Reader's Digest"
with a fantastic offer
for Cody.
- [Snickering]
- Aah!
No, you're not! You're that evil
little girl from the tape!
[Laughs]
Okay, you got me.
How about I just leave
a message for him?
Fine.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Okay, how do you
spell that?
Right.
Okay, got it.
Bye-bye.
Aaaah!
I can't believe
you let that happen.
I know. I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
Listen, we can still save him.
The answer to the tape,
to your crop circles,
is at a lighthouse.
Oh, you think I'm crazy,
don't you?
Of course I do.
But the last thing you need now
is a screw-up like me.
I'm gonna leave for good.
Wait.
Well, what should I tell Cody?
Let him down easy.
Tell him I got called away
on business.
You'll think of something.
Testicular cancer.
He won't ask questions.
I knew you'd understand.
George!
Just...
be careful.
at your farm. I know it.
I don't know.
Sometimes a sheep needs
pushed through the fence.
- What?
- Goodbye, Cindy.
[Girl chanting]
- Sue?
- I can't sleep.
Well, it's way past
your bedtime.
Won't you rock me to sleep
in your big, strong arms?
There's plenty of room
under the covers.
It's a hot night.
You don't need to wear pajamas.
Where is my daughter?
Are you mad?
I am your daughter.
No, you're not!
Aaaah!
Aah!
Come here!
What did you do with Sue?
I didn't touch her.
I swear.
I don't believe you!
Please! For God's sake,
she's a girl!
You sick...
Oh!
[Giggles]
- Aah!
- Daddy!
How do you like it, huh?
Having fun?
Aaah!
[Thud]
Tom, are you...
What in the world?
Shh!
Look.
What is that thing?
I don't know.
Maybe Cindy was right.
Please, sir.
All I need is five minutes.
And I told you, Campbell,
no more paranoid on-air rants
- about the supernatural.
- I know.
violence, and the weather.
Yes.
That reminds me.
We're gonna need that "Porn Star
Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story.
One hour.
GIGGINS:
Meanwhile,a tornado in Charleston
threatens a clothing-optional
beach where just yesterday
a naked couple
was brutally murdered.
This just five miles
from where the last naked couple
was brutally murdered.
Turning now to sports.
And an evil videotape
that kills anyone
It's true.
We're all in danger.
- There's an alien force
- Oh, no.
that's trying prevent you
from knowing the truth.
Campbell, are you insane?
It's a horrible fate.
Carson, I have to do this.
Correction,
there really is no danger.
Actually, I didn't really mean
anything I just said.
Yes, I did.
Every word of it.
Everyone watching this
could be dead in a week.
Oh, shizl gzngahr.
[Blabbering]
this dumb-ass cracker Giggins
for 10 years.
But I been hitting it
with his woman for 12.
Know what I'm saying, nigga?
She likes her some chocolate.
Sharpton for president, y'all.
I'm outie.
Peace.
HARRIS:
An evil videotapeAlien forces
threatening the world.
And who the hell
is this Cindy Campbell?
If what she says is true, we're
facing an unprecedented crisis.
Get me the president.
You are the president.
Good. Then I already know
about this.
Let's order lunch.
Sir, I think you need
to go on TV
there is no such thing as a UFO.
damn it.
Aliens, sir.
There's no such thing
as aliens.
- That's not quite true.
- Sir?
A year ago, a UFO crash-landed
in New Mexico.
- A body may have been recovered.
- "May have been"?
Well, there was
a terrible mix-up.
It was Thanksgiving.
The body was sent down
to the kitchen.
They shoved stuffing up its ass,
and we ate it at a state dinner.
That's the last I saw of it.
No, scratch that.
There were some sandwiches
made the next day.
Mr. President!
- Listen to me.
- Agent Thompson!
Back away from that window!
What? Did I forget
to put my pants on again?
No, sir. It's just a feeling
I've been having
since the news about the aliens.
- Something's not right.
- I know what you mean.
It's like that feeling
that something's not right.
What is it?
Some old Tupac, sir.
[Hip-hop music plays]
"All eyez on me."
Hey, this sh*t is banging.
Thank you, sir.
I appreciate it.
- [Air horn blows]
- Oh!
Hello, Cindy.
I am the Architect.
You have many questions.
["Jeopardy!" theme plays]
I've been watching you
for a very long time.
So I see.
What is the connection between
the crop circles and the tape?
The answer is simple.
You are the eventuality
of an anomaly.
You are inexorably seeking
a sedulant probability.
Sedulant?
Grotesquerie?
No?
What about
contingent affirmation?
- That's got to mean something.
- Hey!
Hey!
You put cameras in my bathroom?
[Gasps]
What is this?
Oh, my God.
Well, it was a long winter.
This is an invasion of...
Ow!
Oh, sorry.
I can't help it.
It's very lonely in here.
Ergo, I haven't been with anyone
in a very long time,
not counting myself.
Or this chair.
I call her...
Linda.
Could you just cut to the chase?
I'm kind of in a rush.
Why? You can always sleep over
if you want.
Linda's built for two,
and she vibrates.
Stop it! Just tell me
what I need to know.
Who is that little girl?
Okay, okay.
My wife and I wanted a child,
but she couldn't get pregnant.
Neither could I.
So you adopted.
We loved our daughter,
but she was evil.
Made the horses crazy,
killed our puppies,
hid the remote.
Really sick sh*t.
My wife took her
to the old family farm
and drowned her in the well.
I felt a simple time-out
would have been sufficient.
But Tabitha imprinted her evil
on a videotape.
to get out, but...
But what?
I put it in the wrong box
and returned it to Blockbuster,
instead of my copy
of "Pootie Tang."
It's been circulating
and killing ever since.
Just like "Pootie Tang."
But what does this
have to do with aliens?
I don't know.
Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them
to kill us all.
An alien invasion?
I have to warn the world.
It's already begun.
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"Scary Movie 3" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/scary_movie_3_17570>.
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