Scenic Route Page #3

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Right. So you turn your

anger on everybody else

and try to make us feel like our

achievements aren't worth a sh*t

because we didn't

draw a picture

of ourselves doing them

in the second grade.

You actually think

that if I quit,

took up music and

actually made it,

that you'd be happy for me?

Mm F*** that. You would be

just as blind with jealousy

then as you are now.

You'd probably...

I don't know...

run me over with your

car-slash-house...

Probably and then tell me

that it was for my

own good, right?

Yeah.

This is not about me.

You don't give a

sh*t about me.

This is all about you

and how everybody else can

accommodate your failure.

Hey, I'm not a failure, okay?

I could have everything

you have and more,

but I decided long ago that it

would be better to follow my dream

rather than try to buy enough

sh*t from f***ing Pottery Barn

to be comfortable with

the idea of being

a meaningless, lever-pulling,

button-pushing cog!

I was a day away from...

From law school. No, no.

We all know the story.

F***!

You took a test.

You blew it away.

You had your

choice of schools,

but walked away for the

sake of art, right? Right?

I followed my dream

instead of a paycheck.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

Enh! Wrong.

You're a scared and

insecure little freak

who couldn't get

anywhere with writing

and so desperately needed

somebody to approve of you,

to say that you were

still intelligent,

still capable.../ Come on.

That you took a fricking test.

You know what you should do?

You should tattoo that test

score on your forehead.

That way, when somebody says, "Wait a second.

You live in your car?"

You can say, "Yeah, but look.

I chose to be a

loser, so its okay."

You think you've got the

rest of us pegged, right?

You got the rest of us pegged,

and it's your job to make

sure we all face reality?

The reality is your

writing sucks.

You're not gonna be famous.

You're not gonna sell a book.

You are wasting your time.

You're the one that needs

to face facts, pal.

But everytime those

facts get too close,

you just hop in your

car, and you run off.

Well, here are the facts.

A 30-year-old loser

living in his car

is about the last person

that I'm gonna be looking to

for advice on how

to fix my life.

So unless you want to put

out a book of don'ts

based on all the

ways you screwed up,

which is the only thing you're

ever likely to publish,

you should probably

just shut the f*** up.

Are you done?

F***!

Sh*t. Sh*t.

Sh*t. Sh...

Someone'll come along.

You make me sick.

Hot enough for ya?

They say the nights kill

more people than the days.

Okay.

I'm so thirsty.

My tongue feels

like a two-by-four.

Here.

Eh...

Man, finish it.

How long can you

go without water?

Two days?

I don't know. It

doesn't matter.

I'm going for help

in the morning.

Oh, 60 miles is a

pretty long walk.

That's only if I

don't see a car.

I think I saw some cones

on the way in, man.

I don't know.

Hey, I know it...

I know it doesn't really

change anything, but, uh...

I'm sorry.

It was definitely not

your brightest idea.

I mean I'm sorry

about what I said.

Are you sure you don't

want to apologize

for getting us stuck?

I'm not freezing to death

because you insulted my wife.

I'm sorry about the

whole goddamn thing.

You really think

my writing sucks?

It's... It's not bad.

It's just...

all... all your characters

get, like, cancer and die.

Don't all get cancer and die.

In that one thing,

I'm pretty sure

about 75% of the people die...

That was about an oncologist.

Yeah, and that other

one with the woman

who was high and her baby

crawled out the window.

I mean, it was good

writing, but...

kind made me want

to kill myself.

Look, that sh*t really

happens, all right?

It's just hard to get the message

out if nobody reads the book.

The idea that "I

might not have it,"

it's... it's not news.

It's just that...

you go your whole

life with everyone

yelling at you to follow your

dream and then to never give up.

But to be honest, if everyone

followed their dreams,

we'd just be a planet

of pro athletes and...

and astronauts.

You know, there's gotta

be someone there

to clean the

toilets, am I right?

It's like you said, you know.

Sometimes it's better to go

after something you care about

than to be handed something

that you don't, right?

Really?

What if my lifelong dream

was to be point guard

for the Lakers?

Would you tell me to

keep chasing that?

No.

Exactly.

Because "Never give up"

looks a hell of a lot better

on a coffee mug than

it does in real life.

Because failing...

daily failing, it's...

it's just...

it's a lonely...

miserable business.

Look man, if I thought you

should quit, I would say so.

But sometimes, you know,

inside all that other stuff,

sometimes...

you'll say something

in just a few words

that I realize I've been

thinking for years.

And that's not just

you reading my mind.

That's you reading

a part of it

that I never would have

known how to express.

Now, that's not just some

fat kid with no jump shot.

That's...

There's something there.

Some of the things you

put out there, man...

I think a lot more of them

stick than you realize.

I cheated on Joanne.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Six months ago at

this conference.

Just...

just sort of happened.

We're freezing our asses off

in the middle of the desert.

You think you're

gonna get away with,

"It just sort of happened?"

It was just...

It was this woman...

Girl, really, 21, 22,

somebody's intern.

Long brown hair, these

long, skinny legs,

and she had this huge smile.

And she walks up to me, and

she introduces herself,

asks what firm I'm with, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, like,

"Listen, if... if you're looking

for a job, I'm the wrong guy,"

and she goes, "No, I just

think you look interesting."

And she says, "Would you

like to have dinner?"

And I realize that I've had my hands

in my pockets this whole time,

so she has no idea

that I'm even married.

Mm-hmm.

And suddenly I get this

feeling, you know,

like I told you I get

with books and movies,

like I... I finally had

a chance to escape,

to be somebody

else for a while.

So I go back up to my room,

and suddenly I feel

this wave of guilt,

like the spell breaks,

and I start thinking

this is crazy.

Then all of a sudden,

my phone rings,

and it's Joanne.

And I answer, and I say,

"I'm so glad you

called," because I was.

"I miss you, and I wish

you were here right now."

And she says, "Well, I wish I

were there right now, too",

"because the disposal's

broken again.

"Do you want me to

call a repairman,

"or do you want to

try and fix it?

"Oh, and did you ever

talk to our neighbor

"about whether or not they

stole our recycling bin?

Because it's getting a little

awkward walking with..."

And she goes on like this

for, like, five minutes.

So when I hung up,

I practically ran

to the elevator.

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