Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Page #4

Tell him, Matty.

Tell him, Matty.

I'm talking the talk

Because I know I'm slick

S- L-ick

Fireballs

Take this sucker down

Let us show him

what we're all about

That doesn't even rhyme.

This is impossible.

How can this be?

Open your eyes,

maybe you'll see.

K- O!

Sweet! Coins.

God, is that allowed?

Well, it was nice

meeting you.

Tell your gay friends

I said bye.

Gay friends?

Wallace! Again?

Get a room, guys!

Oh, my God!

Oh, man, $2.40? That's not

even enough for the bus home.

I'll lend you

the 35 cents.

Yeah, so, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

Sex Bob-Omb won?

So, what was

all that all about?

I guess

if we're gonna date, you may

have to defeat my seven evil exes.

You have seven

evil ex-boyfriends?

Seven evil exes, yes.

And I have to fight...

Defeat.

Defeat your seven evil exes if

we're going to continue to date?

Pretty much.

So, what you're saying

right now is we are dating?

I guess.

Does that mean

we can make out?

Sure.

Cool.

Aw!

Someone's happy.

Well, someone got to

second base last night.

And someone has

a second date tonight.

Someone's lucky, then.

You know when I say

"someone," I mean "me," right?

I got to second base

last night.

Maybe first-and-a-half.

So, I invited Ramona over for

dinner tonight, so you can't be here.

I don't want you

gaying up the place.

Okay, Scott.

But in return, I have

to issue an ultimatum.

One of your

famous ultimatums?

It may live in infamy.

You have to break up with

Knives, that poor angel, today.

But it's hard.

If you don't, I'm going to

tell Ramona about Knives.

I swear to God, Scott.

What? You...

Hi. Morning.

Hey, Jimmy.

Double standard!

I didn't make up

the gay rulebook.

You got a problem with it...

Stop.

Take it up with

Liberace's ghost.

You're a monster.

Give me the bacon,

and go do your dirt

while I watch

the Lucas Lee marathon.

Who's Lucas Lee?

Oh!

He was this

pretty good skater.

Now he's this

pretty good actor.

He's filming a Winifred Hailey

movie in Toronto right now.

They make movies

in Toronto?

Yes.

I'm stalking him later.

So, this Lucas Lee...

Lucas Lee is not important

to you right now. Get out.

You suck.

Out.

Surprising no one.

Out.

Now, you listen close,

and you listen hard, bucko.

The next click you'll

hear is me hanging up.

The one after that is

me pulling the trigger.

Hey, Knives.

Hey, do you wanna,

like, talk or whatever?

Are you wearing a tan jacket,

like, a spring jacket, and a hoodie?

And a dorky hat?

It's not dorky.

Why are you psychic?

Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe TCAD's coming to

town. Will you take me to the show?

Yeah, listen...

Hey, I wanted to invite

you over for dinner.

Like, Chinese food?

To meet my parents.

It's my birthday dinner.

I think that's

a really bad idea.

No, it's okay. Why?

I'm too old for you.

No, you're not. My dad is

nine years older than my mom.

Are you even allowed to date

outside your race or whatever?

I don't care. I'm...

I'm in...

Uh...

Listen,

I was thinking

we should break up

or whatever.

Really?

Yeah.

It's not gonna work out.

Oh.

Where's Knives.

Not coming tonight?

No, we broke up.

Hey, check it out, I learned the

bass line from Final Fantasy II.

Scott, you are

the salt of the earth.

Thanks.

I meant scum

of the earth.

Thanks.

You broke up with Knives?

Yeah, but don't worry.

Maybe soon you'll meet

my new-new girlfriend.

New-new.

Okay, from here on out, no girlfriends

or girlfriend talk at practice.

Whether they're old, new, or

New-new.

New-new.

We were lucky to

survive the last round.

It's sudden death now, okay?

Okay.

That's for me. That's

for me. That's for me.

Hey, you're here.

Yes, like you said.

You know your hair?

I know of it.

It's all blue.

I change my hair every week and

a half, dude. Get used to it.

So...

How do you guys

all know each other?

High school, I guess.

What Neil said.

I'm Neil.

Believe it or not, I actually

dated Scott in high school.

Got any embarrassing stories?

Yeah, he's an idiot.

Okay, bye.

See you guys tomorrow.

What about rehearsal?

Neil knows my parts.

I'm Neil.

You doing okay, there?

Yeah, good, good, good.

She changed her hair.

So? It looks nice blue.

Yeah, I know, but she

did it without even making

a big deal of it

or anything.

She's fickle. Impulsive. Spontaneous.

God, what am I gonna do?

Can't believe you're worried

about me gaying up the place.

So, how's dinner

coming along?

Yeah, good, good, good.

Okay, well, I'm gonna

leave you lovebirds to it.

I am heading up to Casa Loma

to stalk my hetero crush.

Don't go!

Will you man the hell up?

You can get to second

and a half base tonight.

You think so?

Well, if you strike out in the next

hour, come find me at the castle.

If I strike out?

Okay, when. See you in 60.

This is actually

really good garlic bread.

Garlic bread is

my favorite food.

I could honestly

eat it for every meal.

Or just eat it all the time

without even stopping.

You'd get fat.

No, why would I get fat?

Bread makes you fat.

Bread makes you fat?

I wrote a song about you.

You did?

Yeah, it goes like this.

Ramona

Ramona

On my mind

Ramona

Can't wait to hear it

when it's finished.

Finished?

Your hair's pretty shaggy.

Oh, God,

I need a haircut, don't I?

What?

No, sorry. I just...

I got a bad haircut right

before me and my big ex broke up,

but that was so long ago

now I can barely remember.

Scott is acutely aware

that his last salon haircut took place

exactly 431 days ago, three

hours before his big breakup.

He's been cutting

his own hair ever since.

So long ago.

Sounds like a bad time.

Bad time? Not really.

It was.

It was a mutual thing.

It wasn't.

I mean, she told me it was mutual.

She dumped him.

It was brutal.

What was her name?

She was Nat,

when I knew her,

but she stopped

liking that name.

Then she stopped liking me.

Your hair is cute.

I like it long.

But it would be cuter short, wouldn't it?

What?

What?

Why are you

wearing that hat?

I thought we could go

for a walk.

Tell me we didn't

come out here in the cold

so you could cover

your hair with that hat.

No, no. I just love me

some walking, you know.

Just putting one leg in front

of the other, like this. Walking.

You seem

a little heightened.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I just sort of feel like I'm

on drugs when I'm with you.

Not that I do drugs,

unless you do drugs,

in which case

I do drugs all the time.

Every drug.

Yeah, I don't know.

Just when I'm with you,

things sort of seem

a little brighter.

What is this place?

It's a totally

awesome castle.

They're shooting this movie here right now.

Okay, everybody, let's

do this. Lots to do, everyone.

Lots to do.

Did you find the guy you were stalking?

I think I'm about

to right now.

Mr. Lee is traveling.

Mr. Lee?

Lucas Lee.

Oh.

Oh?

And roll sound.

I wanna have his

adopted babies.

Here we go.

All right,

on your marks, everyone.

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