Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Page #5

Oh, man, we got to go.

What? Why?

I used to date that clown.

And...

Action.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's

gonna take to kick your ass.

You dated a famous guy?

In ninth grade.

We had drama.

Actually,

it might have been math.

I just remember there being a lot of drama.

Hey!

He was a snot-nosed little

brat. He just followed me around.

He had snot in his nose?

But he's famous.

Hey! I'm talking to you,

Scott Pilgrim.

He's famous and

he talked to me.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's

gonna take to kick your ass.

Can I have your... Can I

have your autograph, please?

What's up?

How's life?

He seems nice.

Boom!

And that's a cut!

Scott, evil ex. Fight.

Let's get ready to go again,

please. Let's get ready to go again.

Hey, hombre.

You really think you can stand a

chance against an A-lister, bro?

Some competish you are.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, I'm not done with you.

Oh!

Looks like

you're seeing double.

He's good, right?

Sometimes I let him do

the wide shots

when I feel like getting

blazed back in my Winnie.

What can I say?

I'm nothing without

my stunt team.

Hey! Ask them how it feels to

always get his sloppy seconds.

How does it...

Hey, I'm gonna get a coffee.

You homies want anything?

No, I just ate.

Negative.

That's actually hilarious.

Ah.

Hilarious.

Mr. Lee!

You're needed back on set.

Prepare...

Prepare to feel the wrath

of the League of Evil Exes.

The League of Evil Axes?

You really don't know

about the League?

The seven evil exes?

Coming to kill you?

Controlling the future

of Ramona's love life?

No.

Oh, well, hey, listen, man.

Don't worry about it.

Really?

Yeah. Let's go get a beer.

That's great...

Boom!

You are a pretty

good actor.

I'm going for

the Oscar this year.

But are you

a pretty good skater?

I'm more than

pretty good, ese.

I have my own skate company.

But can you do

a thingy on that rail?

It's called a grind, bro.

So, can you do

a grindy thingy now?

Are you serious?

There are, like, 200 steps,

and the rails are garbage.

Well, hey,

if it's too hardcore then...

You really think you can goad

me into doing a trick like that?

There are girls watching.

Somebody get me my board.

Hi. Big fan.

Why wouldn't you be?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Yes!

He totally bailed.

Ah! I didn't get

his autograph.

No.

And that's

a wrap, everybody.

Hey, where's Ramona.

Is she still here?

No. She totally bailed.

What's the deal? Seriously.

Let's move, people,

the sun is coming up.

Hey, it's me again. Scott. Give

me a call when you get this.

Scott Pilgrim.

What's the deal?

Seriously.

Yep. You said that

last night.

You know what

really sucks, though?

What?

Everything.

Come on, guy.

You can't say you didn't see this coming.

What?

What did you

think these were?

Kisses?

Seven little kisses?

Seven deadly X's.

Why does everything

have to be so complicated?

If you want something bad,

you have to fight for it.

Step up your game, Scott.

Break out the L-word.

"Lesbian?"

The other L-word.

"Lesbians?"

It's "love," Scott. I

wasn't trying to trick you.

Hey, buddy, look,

if she really is

the girl of your dreams,

then you have to

let her know.

You have to overcome any and all

obstacles that lie in your path.

You can do it. Be with her!

It's your destiny!

Plus, I need you

to move out.

What?

Yeah.

I'm kind of banking

on her calling you back

so I don't have to evict you

and feel all guilty and sh*t.

I have a feeling

that's for you, guy.

Hey.

Hey, Scott.

Envy?

Oh, sh*t.

Been a while.

Yeah.

A year, I think.

Approximately.

How are you?

I'm not doing

so good right now.

Oh, that's too bad.

Still breaking hearts?

What? No. I've been... It's

been different. You have no idea.

Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend?

Should I be jealous?

Yes, you should. I have this

totally awesome girlfriend

who calls me all the

time and she's America.

She's American.

What's her name?

I'm not telling you that.

Ramona.

Oh.

What? Do you know her?

What? No.

It sounded like you did.

I got to go. It's been

nice chatting with you.

Wait.

Okay.

Everything does suck.

Or does it? Hello?

Hey, Knives.

What's that?

You're outside?

Is Scott here?

You know what? He just

left.

Really?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Seven deadly X's.

You may have to

defeat my seven evil exes.

It's sudden death now, okay?

She's got some

battle scars, dude.

You can't say you

didn't see this coming.

Dude.

Please.

I'm really not

in the mood for this.

Okay, enough!

You punched me

in the boob!

Prepare to die, obviously.

Look, I've had it today.

Can we not do this right now?

I'd love to

postpone, darling,

but I just cashed

my last rain check.

What's that from?

My brain!

I'm really, really not up

for this. Whatever it is.

Okay, little chicken.

I'll see you later.

But you won't see me,

because next time, I'll be

deadly serious next time.

What?

Never mind!

Man. Someone help me.

Hello.

It's Scott.

What did he do this time?

No, it's Scott.

It's actually me.

What did you do this time?

I didn't do anything. It's

everyone else that's crazy.

Look, I'm having a meltdown or

whatever. Are you still working?

I'm literally

about to leave.

Cool, I'm coming in.

I think I'll make it

a decaf today.

Scott Pilgrim!

What did you do

with my sister?

Sorry, I had to go.

So, what can I

Get you?

Is there anywhere

you don't work?

They're called jobs. Something a

like you wouldn't know anything about.

And by the way, I can't

believe you asked Ramona out

after I specifically told

you not to do that.

How are you doing

that with your mouth?

Never mind

how I'm doing it!

What do you have to say

for yourself?

Can I get

a caramel macchiato?

You know what, maybe it's high

time you took a look in a mirror

before you wreak

havoc on another girl.

Me? Wreak havoc?

And speaking of

which,

I hear the girl that

kicked your heart in the ass

is walking the streets

of Toronto again.

So, I can just get

my coffee over here?

Sorry that got

a little crazy last night.

Yeah, you kind of disappeared.

Yeah, I do that.

Listen, I know I can be

hard to be around sometimes.

I totally understand if you

don't want to hang out anymore.

No, no, I want to hang.

You know, the whole

evil ex-boyfriend thing...

Exes.

It's no biggie.

I know it's early,

but I don't think anything

can get in the way of how I...

Sh*t!

It's my ex.

A big one?

Mmm-hmm.

Envy.

I'm gonna...

Excuse me.

Your hair is

getting shaggy.

Yeah?

So, that's Ramona.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm jealous.

You're jealous?

I'm allowed.

You left me for

that cocky pretty boy.

You haven't even

seen him.

I know, you left me for

someone I've never even seen.

Maybe you will see him.

We're playing Lee's Palace.

You should

so totally come.

That's so not

going to happen.

Great, you're

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