Screwed Page #3

you lot in your cells, now!

And you!

So what, you like a fight, yeah, bruv?

In your cell.

See this.

This is real war,

not over there with those rag heads.

What the f*** are you talking about?

I know you, bro!

No, we've never met.

Didn't say that we had.

(MIMICS EXPLOSION)

P*ssy.

SAM:
Sir.

KEENAN:
Sam.

Deano, where's the bend up

papers live?

Over there!

Yes. (LAUGHS)

You stopped Steadman

from cutting Deano a second arsehole

You did good, mate.

Thank you, sir.

Place is full of cowards, Sam.

Who'd blame anyone for kicking

the f*** out of them pair of scroats?

You must have done all right

in your control

and restraint techniques at training?

I told you already,

it was done strictly by the book,

you'll see that in the arresting sheet

and the bend up papers.

Come on, Sam. Governer

What was that all about?

F***ing career animal

does it every time.

There's nothing

the powers that be love more

than a governor who's big

on prisoner welfare.

Keenan's always looking for an

excuse to throw one of us to the lions.

You what?

It's good for his career good

and it shows he's a reformist,

it shows he won't tolerate violence

towards prisoners.

That's why I was trying to trip you up.

Now you've seen it for yourself,

you understand me?

Hey, what's the story

on that con, Truman?

Vvny?

Just seems a bit cocky.

Oh, don't you worry about Truman.

I'll take care of him.

I'm not worried about him.

Just wondered who he was, that's all.

He reckons he makes more money

from in here than he did on the outside.

SAM:
What, you know he's at it

and we don't stop him?

We'll spin his shell from time to time,

but sometimes it's better

the devil you know.

And he's never been

caught with anything?

Way too smart to have it around him.

Besides, he's got too many people

into his dirty work.

You'd be surprised how many screws

have had their mortgages paid off,

thanks to Truman.

(lvluslc PLAYING)

SAM:
Here's the thing, though.

How do they think

they'll get away with it?

It's the smell,

when you walk olown the corridor,

you can smell it immediately.

JAMIE:
They got away with it

because they doh't f***ing give e sh*t.

SAM:
But don't they end up in the seg

like every week?

I tell you what, the only good thing is,

they go down like

a sack of potatoes when you hit them!

-(LAUGHING)

-(lvloBILE BEEPING)

Yep, it helps.

JAMIE:
D, you did brilliant, though,

F***ing slasher, where were you

when that bastard hit me?

DEANO:
Learn to duck!

I'm just going to nip for a piss,

I won't be a sec.

JAMIE:
If it weren't

for that f***ing Cunningham.

DEANO:
C*nt!

He's a f***ing liability.

JAMIE:
It was him who Started it,

I got caught and then

I ended up taking a punch.

F***ing prick!

You know what he looks like,

he looks like a f***ing robocop

when he takes his mask off!

-(LAUGHING)

-CURTIS:
Yeah.

Having a good night?

Yeah, good laugh.

I'm gonna have to get back

to the missus though.

You're a f***ing lightweight.

Sam, want a Iivener?

What?

-It's a bit hypocritical, ain't it?

-Nah, listen.

We lock people up

that we caught breaking the law.

STEADMAN:
Keenan!

Keenan, I want my f***ing brown.

I want my f***ing gear!

Get me my f***ing gear!

I'm gonna spread this c*nt

over the f***ing walls.

You hear me?

Keenan, you can stick

your f***ing methadone up your arse.

I want my f***ing smack!

I want my f***ing smack!

You listening, Keenan?

He ain't calming down

and he's got a hostage.

I think we should negotiate some more.

We can get this under control.

I am going to f***ing kill this prick.

Come on, then, you f***ing c*nts.

Let's be having ya!

STEADMAN:
This f***ing prick

is running out of time because of you!

Keenan, are you f***ing listening to me?

Sit down!

C*nt!

Sit down, you're f***ing mine. Huh!

(GRuNTING)

Come on!

I want my f***ing gear!

RUMPOLE:
You worry about your audits,

and leave me to deal

with the f***ing maniacs.

Lads, we are going in!

That's a f***ing decision.

RUMPOLE:
Steadman, I am

giving you a direct order,

get to the back of your cell.

F*** off, Rumpole, you fat c*nt!

(GROANS)

RUMPOLE:
Hello, Terry, come on!

DEANO:
Down, down, get this f*** down!

Now... Down!

STEADMAN:
I want my f***ing meds!

RUMPOLE:
Shut your

f***ing mouth, Steadman!

STEADMAN:
I want my meds!

RUMPOLE:
Calm down, you Know the ropes.

That's it. Cuffed!

(GRoANING)

Put your head up, Deano!

I'm getting too f***ing old

for this sh*t.

STEADMAN:
Rumpole, Rumpole,

I want my meds,

get me my meds, Rumpole, please!

RUMPOLE:
Come on, Steadman,

you Know where you're going.

Head up, son.

STEADMAN:
Please!

JAMIE:
You'll get your meds

when you calm down!

DEANO:
If we're lucky

we might get last orders.

I wouldn't mind, overtime, mate!

Steadman, I am going to give you

some direct orders now.

You are to comply with them

or you stay on the floor.

-Do you understand?

-STEADMAN:
Yes, guv.

Bring your knees to your chest.

(GRoANING)

When I say step, step forward.

Step! Stop!

Slowly!

(GUNSHOTS)

Medic.

(GASPING) Oh, f***.

Oscar One, nurse required, D 2-18.

Repeat, nurse required, D 2-18.

F***!

-F***! F***ing hell!

-(GASPS)

F***ing help me, Panos!

Come on.

Lift him up, lift him up!

(PANTING) F***. F***. Come on.

CURTIS:
it's all right, son.

(PANTING)

You all right, Sam?

(PANTING)

Medic!

(PANTING)

Shall we eat, babes?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

He's not too cold, is he?

No, he's fine, I just put a blanket on,

he's got his hat on, he's fine.

SAM:
I found a swinger.

I've told you I'm not into that.

Sorry.

What's a swinger?

Bloke in his cell, hung himself.

What? Dead?

Yeah, of course!

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

Why'd he do that?

I don't know!

It weren't just that though.

Oh, Toby, you stink.

I'm going to have to change

him in a sec.

Sorry, babes, carry on.

Nah, it's all right.

My God, his poor family.

Wouldn't want to be the one

who has to go and tell them, would you?

Yeah, that would be a terrible job.

Right, I'll be back in a minute.

(lNDlsTINcT)

(DIALLING TONE)

DEANO:
Hello.

Deano, you all right?

Yeah, I'm Hive.

What you up to later?

You fancy meeting for a few beers?

(lvluslc PLAYING)

-Have a good one.

-Yeah, of course.

Hey, hey, Deane.

How you've been, mate, you all right?

Always a pleasure, son,

always a pleasure.

Mate of mine Sam.

Sam, nice to meet you, mate,

how you doing?

So what do you think?

It's what I'm f***ing talking about.

(LAUGHS)

Hello, baby, you all right?

-You all right?

-Yeah. (KISSES)

This is Sam. Sam, this is Jade.

-Hey.

-Hiya.

Nice to meet you.

How about that?

Service with a smile, look.

See ya later.

-To us!

-To us!

(lNAuDIBLE)

Listen, Sam, Sam, come

back to mine afterwards.

I have a little place above

a curry house, so we'll have a ruby.

There's plenty of booze,

she's coming back.

Play your cards right, the palm

reader might come with you, yeah?

Fancy having your palm read tonight?

(LAuGHING)

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