Scrooged Page #4

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I'm sorry.

Is this yours?

Yes, it is. Thank you.

You had some things, too.

- Yes.

Oh. Oh.

All right. I tell you what,

I'll go down for them.

Wait for me?

- Yes, I'll wait.

Thanks, Lumpy.

- Thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Would you like to go to a party?

Not really.

- Neither would l.

Young lady.

Do you shop here often?

I can always walk on that side.

Would you like to have some Chinese food?

What's going on?

- You are gonna love this.

Claire.

- Yeah. What is it? I'm in the tub.

Can't we open the presents now?

What are you doing?

You had it all.

- Look at something else.

Hey, there's a gorilla on that building.

When can we open these?

- You can open one on Christmas Eve.

The rest are for Christmas morning.

Isn't that how your family did it?

If they were gonna spoil,

we opened them the night before.

Do you wanna open this one?

- Is it from you?

Oh, knives.

Oh, lots of knives.

I got her these great knives.

Super sharp...

I know, ginsu knives. They cut cans.

You can cut a tin can like a tomato.

Your turn.

I've never liked a girl enough

to give her 12 sharp knives.

OK. You're gonna like this.

'To Lump.'

'Love, Claire.'

'The Hindu Art of Love.'

- Read the inscription.

You read it. It says,

'Christmas' and then...

It's Sanskrit.

I didn't need a manual.

I want you to know that.

Don't blow the ending for me now.

Did that.

- With who?

Did it.

- Yeah.

Done this.

Done this.

My buddy did this.

I don't believe this one.

It says this will make

a woman bark like a dog.

Lassie's come home.

Go and get Gramps, Lassie.

I wonder if you're female?

What a nice coat you have. I think

I'll give you a bath every week.

Good morning, kiddos.

I'm Mike the Mailman.

Hey, Frisbee.

I've got something for ya.

There he is.

I've got to watch this one.

What could it be, huh?

Is it a pair of mittens?

It's a bone.

What could it be?

A book?

It's a bone.

What is it?

It's a bone, you lucky dog.

It's a bone, you betcha.

Lassie's a very good friend.

Commercial break, folks.

Very good, kid.

- Thank you.

How many reservations should I make?

Oh, yes.

You, me, my wife...

- She's in Palm Springs.

Oh, yes. I forgot. Of course.

I guess then...it'll be you and me.

And Frank.

Frank, have dinner with us.

You and Claire.

And order a stretch limo. See you.

Hello. You're Claire?

- Yes.

Oh, hiya, sweetheart.

You almost ready?

The president of the network

just invited us to dinner.

We're going to David and Kate's.

We can have dinner with them next week.

It's Christmas Eve. They're our best

friends. It only comes once a year.

Thanks, Philbert.

It is Christmas.

It's a time to be less selfish.

If you could think of my needs

and those of The Frisbee Show...

I've fought for this show.

It's such an opportunity.

I'm sorry.

60 seconds.

I didn't realise how important it is.

I'm willing to forgive you,

once in a while.

Frank, look. Maybe we should

separate for a while.

Excuse me.

- Estelle, when are we leaving?

Right after the show.

For a while and see how it goes.

I know you've been under a lot of pressure.

Oh, it's been rough.

All right. I'll try to come over later, if I can.

15 seconds.

I'll tell them that you got hung up.

Lumpy.

Merry Christmas.

Five, four, three, two, one.

OK, kiddos.

You left Claire for Frisbee the dog?

Frank, you don't know who you are,

you don't know what you want...

...or what the hell is going on.

I've made a few mistakes.

I've gotta live with that.

But I know who I am.

I know what I want.

And I know what's going on.

Psst. Hey, Frank. Over here.

What's going on?.

- I don't know. I'm only the ghost.

So long, sucker.

Hold on. Taxi.

I have seen your nobler aspirations

fall off, one by one,

until the master passion,

greed, engrosses you.

Farewell, Ebeneezer.

May you be happy with

the path you have chosen.

I am happy with what I've chosen,

you b*tch. I couldn't be happier.

What, are you crazy?

- Yeah, Buddy. I'm crazy.

Crazy like a fox. Crazy enough

to see through your tricks.

I'm back.

I see now.

No-one could have been that simple,

and good, and sweet,

yet caring and wonderful.

Not on this planet. No, baby.

Unless they had something to hide.

You wouldn't try to trick me? Don't

try to trick me today, cos I'm back.

Maybe we'll check things out

at Operation Reach Out.

Goodbye. Thank you.

20 a pint. Come on, folks.

Here's a happy donor.

Thank you so much.

Well, just for the record,

YOU left me.

YOU had to go and get your head together.

My head is just fine. Check it out.

It's right here where it belongs.

'It's lonely at the top'? It's not.

Oh, maybe, round my birthday,

and at sunset,

and every couple of weekends,

I needed a really normal person.

That's me. I'm a widow of business.

It's my life. I've chosen it.

At least, I work some place you can

FlND when you're looking for it.

OK. Here we are now.

When I want a wife,

I'm gonna BUY one.

She's gonna be devoted to me,

to my wants and my needs.

Not like YOU. Let's face it,

you treated me like dirt.

Not another wild and woolly one.

Honey, you look frozen.

Let me get you a nice hot cup of coffee.

Hi, Dick. Herman.

I'm Billy. Eva, that's me.

Cocktail hour.

A drink for Mr Richard Burton.

Drink up.

Drink, just for me. For you, Dick.

Dick knows how to live.

- Stop calling me Dick.

Sorry, Mr Burton.

Maybe we don't know you well enough,

but, after 'Exorcist ll',

we thought we had something special.

Do a couple of lines from Hamlet, please.

Or 'The Sandpiper'.

Leave me alone.

Do 'Cleopatra' for me - please.

Please.

'l am Mark Anthony...

'Oh, no, do all...Abyssinia.

You know...

'.. fall of Cheops...

By thee I foreswear.'

Oh. Isn't that marvellous?

Now BEAT lT before I beat you.

- 'Where Eagles Dare'.

Lumpy, what a surprise.

- Oh God, Claire.

Claire.

- What are you doing here?

You said if it happened again

I should come by.

What happened?

- Well...

I have been thinking a lot about the past.

And I started thinking,

'Well, I've made a lot of decisions,

'and what would have happened

if I had made different decisions?'

You know what I mean?

- Do you mean regret?

Yeah, I'm talking about regret.

You know the thing about regret

is that it's never too late.

You can change.

I deal with that every day.

- OK, deal with this.

I wanna take you some place

right now and eat Chinese food.

Claire, we've got some huge problems.

There's no fuses in the whole joint.

There are. I'll just be a second.

The A & P didn't send any turkeys.

Oh, no.

- Not one.

I'll call them. Can you wait?

They can handle this.

Just go to a store and buy fuses.

And the turkeys?

The turkeys are at the A & P.

It's in the phone book under 'A'.

No, no, I have to call them.

- They're big girls...

.....and THEY can do it. Atta girl.

I'll be right there.

- Claire, fire these people.

Fire them?

They're volunteers.

They're here out of kindness.

Because no one will PAY them.

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