Scrooged Page #5

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It's Christmas Eve.

They're like this every day, I guarantee it.

If you'll just wait one minute,

I'll just make the phone call.

No, don't bother.

Wait one minute. Let me finish what

I'm doing and I'll come with you.

Take the rest of your life.

Here's some advice, Claire - scrape 'em off.

If you want to save somebody,

save yourself.

That's a wonderful attitude

to have on Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas.

Bah. Humbug.

Lumpy.

Dick, can you lend me two dollars?

Herman, I blew it all on Liz.

There's suckers inside.

This is the last dress rehearsal.

Pumping, jumping and bumping

Get up and dance

That's your cue, Buddy.

Cue Mr Houseman.

'Ebeneezer Scrooge

hurried past the ragged boys,

'who stood shivering in the snow,

'gnawed and mumbled by the hungry

cold as bones are gnawed by dogs.'

Why do I have to be molested

by these sea urchins?

Stop.

Look, Buddy,

it says 'street urchins'.

That's what I said.

- What did he say, sea or street?

Street urchins.

- He did. I'm sorry. You're right.

OK, everybody, that's dinner.

One hour. Including walking time.

One hour. You're doing great, Buddy.

We need more snow.

Watch that boom-shot.

You're right on my urchins.

Oh, Frank.

Baby, how are ya?

We were so worried about you.

You all right? We were worried.

I call the meal breaks around here.

Frank, sorry.

Hey, you can tell them it's dinner.

Hey, everybody, hold on. Frank's got

something to say to ya. Go ahead.

It's time we had a talk, Brice.

I'd love to, but Preston asked me by

for a drink so I'll take a raincheck.

Holt, where are you?

I need a cigarette.

Hi, Frank. Come on.

Come on out and play with me.

One, two, three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight.

Ooh. I'm a little muddled.

Seven, eight. Ooh.

One, two...

Ooh, I'm so relieved.

It's been so long. Ah.

Hello, Frank.

I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

I had a funny feeling(. )...

Why did you do that?

- Sometimes you have to...

SLAP them in the face to get their attention.

Fine, slap me.

But you kicked me in the ba...

Hush, Frank.

It's time to begin a journey.

Now...

...close your eyes and think...

- No.

You close your eyes. I'm through...

- Oh, no.

Close your eyes....

And think of snowflakes...

...and moonbeams...

...and whiskers on kittens...

Nooooo peeking.

Of rainbows, forget-me-nots...

...of misty meadows

and sun-dappled pools.

Oh, look. There's Mr Hedgehog.

I wonder where he's going?

Perhaps to HARLEM.

My jaw.

Sometimes the truth is painful,

Frank.

But it's made your cheeks rosy

and your eyes bright.

If you TOUCH ME AGAlN, I'll rip

your goddamned wings off. OK?.

You know I like the rough stuff,

don't you, Frank?

Oh, God.

Jingle, jingle bells.

Thanks.

Come on, Calvin. Come on.

Merry Christmas, Cooley family.

Mom, you didn't have to come get me.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

- Good.

Hi, Mom.

- Hello.

Come on, Mom.

Hi, girls.

- Hi, Mom.

Is that all I get?

I'm going to freshen up.

Leave it alone. No one can do it.

You two go and wash up now.

- OK, Gramma.

Oh, look. He did it.

He's bright. What's wrong with him?

He hasn't spoken since he saw

his father killed five years ago.

He just drifted away like Sleeping Beauty.

I didn't know Grace's husband died.

Remember when she wore black

for a year?

I remember her wearing black, but

I thought it was a fashion thing.

People were wearing black, you know.

Oh, Frank. My, my, poor Frank.

Is he gonna be OK?

It's his choice.

Only HE can break the spell.

Girls. Give him some Christmas love.

A Merry Christmas.

God bless us, every one.

Ma.

What are you doing? Get up.

Oh. Oh. Come in, Frank.

Come in and join the fun. Oh.

Oh. What a lovely family.

And they're so happy, but so poor.

You tight-wad.

- She may need a raise.

MAY?

- Probably.

Probably?

- Yes.

Maybe? Probably? Perhaps?

- I'm almost positive.

Get off your brother.

This boy is mine. PPHT.

Cut it out. Stop it.

Don't forget to watch the show.

I'm taking Calvin.

More.

Come on, Frank. Next stop, downtown.

Have was your trip, Frank.

A little joke. Hi, Pluto.

Bark, bark.

What are you barking at out there?

Go, go.

- There's nothing there. Come on.

Let's get down to business.

What a merry feast.

It looks like a beer commercial.

- Let's go in.

Don't mess, Frank. Or I'll fix

your mouth so it won't hold soup.

A Christmas party.

I'm glad I wore my pretty dress.

On The Addams Family,

what instrument did Lurch play?

On The Addams Family,

what instrument did Lurch play?

I'm invisible, but I'm NOT DEAF.

Piano.

No, harpsichord.

A harpsichord, James, you dope.

You knew that.

- Everyone knows that.

We'll give it to them.

You shouldn't have given it to them.

You forgot to open your brother's present.

That doesn't look like a towel.

What did you get last year?

- I remember.

A shower curtain.

- It WAS beautiful, with little...

Little... Yeah.

- YOU don't have one.

What have you got him?

I made this picture frame up...

- He made it with his own hands.

I know something you don't know.

I know something you don't know.

- SHUT UP.

It's your basic,

top-of-the-line Pioneer VCR.

I think he made a mistake.

I didn't get the gifts mixed up.

My EX-secretary got them mixed up.

You invite him every year and he's

always busy. When will you learn?

Never. He's my brother.

A toast to my brother Frank.

I wish he was here.

'Were', goofy.

- You're too good.

To Frank.

- The richest man you know.

Keep the VCR.

What the hell, it's only money.

It's tax-deductible.

- I understand, Frank. I understand.

What boat took them all to Gilligan's lsland?

This is SO easy.

Er, Mako?

You must know.

- Mackerel?

No.

- A fish?.

Leave me alone. I know this.

- Everybody does. Let's go.

How about this?

- Oh, Frank, we're fighting again.

Let's not fight any more.

Look, Frank.

What is it?

It's a toaster.

The b*tch hit me with a toaster.

I love a girl with spirit.

Where are you?

Well, this is nice(. )

Where are we, Trump Tower?

We've seen a bit of the city.

Hey. Down here. Down here.

Hey. Yo.

Hey, call Streets and Sanitation.

Thanks(. )

Hey, hey.

Oh. I'm having the weirdest day.

Cop. Hey, cop.

Help me.

Come here.

Jesus, give me a happy ending here,

Herm.

It's Dick.

Liz says hi.

I should've given you the two bucks.

You moron.

You jerk.

Why didn't you stay at Claire's?

She would have taken care of you.

You would have eaten and been warm.

You might be alive. You'd be a

prettier colour, I'll tell you that.

Is there a way to get out of here,

Herman?

That's a door, isn't it?

It is a door, isn't it?

It's the door. A-HA.

It has to be the door, cos it's the

only place that doesn't smell of...

.....URlNE.

Oh, SHlT.

Hey, you. Joker, get off the set.

Hey. We see you, pal.

Get off the set.

Oh, my God.

- It's Mr Cross.

We've been looking all over for you.

Frank, come on. Frank.

Like Errol Flynn, huh?

He's OK.

- You go up to your office.

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