Search Engines Page #9

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passable shepherd's pie.

Oh god, you're right about that.

There's a bit of irony

Because I am serving

Britain's national dish on

American Thanksgiving,

to a Brit.

Who's this, what's that?

Oh, oh sorry I thought I told you.

This is Shane.

And he's a, a conceptual artist.

And he's blogging about

our Thanksgiving.

Blog? I wouldn't say I

was a conceptual artist.

It's more, uh, reality

television meets, uh, Dada.

- Dada? Mama, dada, what -

- I know you were

speaking English. Maybe

the beginning part.

Is he speaking English?

Oh come on, he's speaking

with an accent, it's still English.

What, uh, what,

what are you doing here?

Ah. Replacement stuffing.

You don't stuff

it in the turkey?

Uh, well some people do.

Most don't.

Uh, god, you-thi-this holiday

is full of misnomers. I'm still

unclear on why you persist

on using the term Indian.

Oh well that's a funny

thing because Columbus, he was

headed for India. and he

got Uh, whoa, Excuse me.

Excuse me. I didn't give you

permission to film me.

Oh I'm sorry, I uh-

I-

I'm sure you did

and maybe she did too,

but really you shouldn't have.

Oh, uh, it's all right, I'll,

I'll sw... switch it off now.

And, uh, please my,

my-I apologize.

Oh, No, no, no. That's on

me, I'm sorry. Petra, I told him

that it would be okay.

For this blogger to

film this blogger?

Oh my god, I didn't

even really think

about it like that. I no-um-I...

It's not really the same thing.

I'm gonna go find my

friend Bert.

So, uh.

Oh.

Good luck with it, Judy,

very nice to meet you, uh-

Petra.

Petra. That's right.

Okay Yeah

Right, okay.

Shane. Who is

that limey poser?

I think he's kind of adorable.

He's not adorable.

He's a remnant of

my past art life.

Well if that is your art

life, I'm glad it's in your past.

No, we have to stop, we have to stop.

We can't do this.

Why? That was

pretty good.

We just, we, I want to, and

we're going to. I just-

It's Thanksgiving, my

wife is right down the hall.

Okay well maybe we can message

each other on Bottom Feeder?

That's a very good idea. I'll

send you a unicorn right now.

If I can get the

goddamn thing to work.

This phone, uh, no-

It won't load.

All this talk of unicorns

and loads is making me hungry

Uh-This thing is not working.

Okay.

I don't want any, mom.

There you go. Are you sure

you should be drinking all that-

On an empty stomach?

It's better this way.

I don't like watching you

get drunk like this honey.

Then don't.

You know, it was never

like this when Adam was around

Twelve years, what a waste.

How is he? Do you know?

Well he seems really

happy on Facebook.

Oh my gosh he just

seems so happy with

his wife and his daughter

I'm sorry.

But thanks for asking.

I'm, uh-I know how

hard that must be for you.

It's not exactly like I had

a that must be for you.

Great role model

for marital bliss.

I don't want to

get into that, Kate.

I know you don't.

You just left me to

clean up all your messes.

That is quite enough. Thank you.

I'm gonna go out and

and see Zoe. See if

she's learned anything.

Wherever she's learning it.

She's such a little showoff,

that Zoe. But she will learn.

Boys don't make passes at

girls who make passes.

Oh god. Mm.

What? What's wrong now?

Mm, it's, mm-mm. I mean you

really can taste that this is

straight out of a box.

Well did you

follow the instructions?

You mean add water to

contents of box and stir?

Yeah, I did that.

Okay you know

what, that is not helping.

Oh-Jesus!

A little snarky,

to tell you the truth. I thought

that out of the box foods were

just supposed to work.

Honey, nothing ever just works.

That's

why you're supposed to research

and read reviews before you buy.

Okay, well who

has time to do that?

With the Internet it takes no time.

You know, most people

don't remember this, but not so

long ago there was very little

we could do when something

didn't work. And now, you know,

if there's something that's not

working or there's a

manufacturer's problem I now

have a place where I can go to

complain. Like my voice is

actually being heard. I feel

like my entire life I've been

collecting information and, and,

and observations and, and

thoughts and, you know, I've - -

god, I've just wanted to let it

all out. You know? I feel like

my whole life's experience has

led to something. And people

have learned that I know

something, and they care that

I know something. I mean, you

know, every time somebody likes

one of my reviews, I feel like

I've made an impact in the

world. That I've mattered. That

I've helped someone. I don't

know. I know it sounds silly.

But some people do community

service, some people do art,

and some people post.

Someone like Cartier-Bresson,

the reason his images are so

wonderful is because you could

feel him being engaged in the

life he was photographing. He,

he said something once like

photography is nothing, it's

life that I'm interested in.

And I just feel like it's the

opposite of that now.

I mean people just snap and

post without even looking at

what they're shooting

half the time.

Hello guys, uh, so, uh,

tempers are flaring a little bit.

So if you could get any footage,

uh, near the windows, that would

be great. Just sort of make sure

you stay out of sight. And, uh,

yeah things are going well and

I'll speak to you later. Okay.

Just-put my picture up there

so I, I can hear it from other guys

that I'm attractive. That they

can let me know what they feel.

My wife, she, sh-she

doesn't say it, she doesn't-

She's not turned on by me maybe,

I don't know, maybe she is.

I just don't, I don't feel it.

I, uh-does that make any

sense? I don't know, I-I-

don't hook up with guys there.

I don't, I have, but

I-

I don't. That's not me. I mean

I'm, I'm s - - I'm straight.

Okay, I'm gonna, I want to give

you my number. But you're

gonna have to be

discreet. Please.

You know the problem with apps

like Bottom Feeder is that they

just, they just impede the

natural progress of the

inevitable. You sinner boys

need more time.

Rap, sat - - Saturday,

Ah.

Eight points for that word.

Ah! JESSE:

Because I am smart

and you are not.

Because I am amazing at Boggle.

Okay yeah, yeah,

you're bomb at Boggle.

Yes, I am. Thank you.

Wow, I forgot the sound of joy.

Uncle Jesse's just showing off.

Yeah, we figured with the cell

phones out we would go retro

with a board game.

Ooh, how subversive.

Before you know it

we'll be talking to each other.

How are things in

the kitchen of mayhem?

Well, you know, that Petra

is in there quote helping her.

Okay well Petra's a ball buster.

She'll make sure that

poor dead turkey flies.

Well hey, do you want to

play another round with us?

Oh wow, yeah. God, I loved board

games. Then I did this Monopoly

speed dating thing. Oh,

don't ever do it.

Fun-. We're just counting up

the scores from the last round.

Yeah, I know.

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