Secret Admirer Page #3

having trouble with?

I just-Elizabeth, my God.

I mean, sooner or later...

...you have to ask yourself

if it's worth it.

Yes, George, it is.

You've got guts.

George, it's not that hard.

You just have to be willing

to spend the time.

I know, I know, but I'm married.

I am, too, but I'm really

taking the time...

...and it's well worth it.

There's this great sense

of accomplishment.

Wait. You've been

through this before?

George,

I've been doing this for years.

George,

are you worried about Connie?

You have the most

understanding wife in the world.

You just have to give her

a little time.

You know, I had that problem

with Lou in the beginning.

At first,

they're a little threatened...

...but that's only natural,

and then they get used to it.

And after a couple of years...

...they get behind it

a hundred percent...

...once they realize

what a really good thing it is.

My God.

Where have I been?

We've known each other

a long time.

Don't back out now, George.

You're absolutely right, Liz.

We have known each other

a long time...

...and I can't deny that I haven't

felt like this, too...

...but I never thought that you,

Elizabeth-

I'm-I'm sorry.

I'll call you next week.

This is good.

I think this is good.

I think you're right.

Thank you.

I know it's a long shot...

...but if this letter thing

does work out...

...and I do get

to go out with Debbie...

...how do you think

I should handle it?

Handle what?

Come on, Ton, she's going out

with Steve Powers.

That dude's twenty years old.

She's gonna expect something.

Michael, are you saying

that you don't know what to do?

No, no, no, no.

I know what to do.

I just don't want

to do too much.

Then again,

I don't want to do too little.

I want to do

what she expects me to do.

I think that you have to let

these things happen naturally.

Well, Toni,

I'm not a natural guy.

That's true.

Michael, I don't know.

I think if it's meant

to happen...

...between two people,

it'll happen.

You can't push it.

Right.

Toni, look,

can I tell you something?

But you got to promise

not to tell anybody. Anybody.

I promise.

Well, if you have to get

absolutely technical...

I've never really done it.

Oh, come on.

What about you

and Carol Lombardo?

What about me

and Carol Lombardo?

The field trip. She spent

the night in your tent...

...told everybody

you guys went all the way.

Yeah, well, Carol Lombardo's

idea of going all the way...

...is talking about it

all night long...

...then falling asleep

before the big bang.

You never did it?

- Really?

- Really.

Carol Lombardo really bragged

about that night.

I know I'll never forget it.

I've never done it, either.

Oh, get out of here, Toni.

Roger's my best friend.

He tells me everything.

I went out with Roger

exactly two times.

Well, according to Roger...

...it wasn't the quantity of time

you spent together.

It was the quality of time

you spent together.

Apparently, it was

pretty high-grade stuff.

What exactly did he say?

Come on, Toni,

that's between you and Rog.

It's none of my business.

- What did he say?

- Toni, don't.

He just said

you guys were kissing and stuff.

His exact words, Michael.

He said that you boffed

his brains out in his van.

Thank you. Come again.

Have a nice night.

Hey, thanks, zitface!

Zitface. They called

our friend zitface.

Oh, God, they're so unkind.

Come on, you guys.

Would you quit screwing around?

I'm trying to work here.

I have to pay for my van,

which Duran Duran here thrashed.

Welcome to the Dancing Burger.

Can I take your order, please?

Roger, is that you?

Yeah. Who's this?

I hear

you're quite a ladies' man.

Ladies' man? Zitface?

Yeah, well, you heard right.

Why don't you cruise up

to the window...

...so's we can take

a better look at you?

Well, I'll come up just as soon

as you tell me one thing.

Did you tell your friends...

I boffed your brains out

in your van?

I thought so.

This is so cool.

Toni, not my van!

Come on, Toni!

You're gonna regret this!

I just got it fixed

the other-no, Toni!

Please don't do this to me!

Oh, no, no!

You're gonna regret it!

Toni, I'm gonna kill you!

Don't-

Roger, come back here!

Toni, don't do that to me!

You got work to do.

- No, Toni!

- Get in here!

Oh, there's my dinner!

Boy, is she pissed.

The exact phrase

I was searching for.

Go, baby!

Jesus!

You're one gutsy virgin.

It's none of your business.

"My dearest darling...

"I love you

more than yesterday...

"and more than all

of yesterday's tomorrows. "

"Nothing is as dear to me

as are you"?

Oh, Michael, this is dog-doo.

"Love is the flower of time...

"and every petal that falls...

"is an eternal moment

without you"?

Jesus, what'd you do,

go to a greeting-card store?

"I have finally found

the courage...

"to write you a letter. "

"You may never know...

"who I am...

"but that hasn't stopped you...

"from giving me...

"the greatest gift...

"I've ever known. "

Idiot.

"If for just one brief moment...

"I could feel your lips

against mine... "

"I would die a happy man. "

I'm in love. I think this

is the most beautiful letter...

I've ever read

in my entire life.

It's even better than the one

I got from Jimmy Wyatt.

He was so in love with me.

But this, this is so...

You got to tell me who wrote it.

I can't.

- Toni, you're my best friend.

- I am?

Well, close enough.

Goddamn it,

tell me who wrote it.

Debbie, I promised. I'm sorry.

I hate you.

- Anybody home?

- In here, Mom!

Hi, Toni. How are you?

- Fine, Mrs. Fimple. How are you?

- Good. Hi, sweetheart.

Where's your father?

He pulled a night shift.

The one night I don't teach.

I can't stand it.

Who wrote the f***ing letter?

I think it's time for me to go.

Toni, how can you

stand in the way?

I could very possibly...

...be extremely in love

with this person.

I mean,

he's obviously in love with me.

- Well, what about Steve?

- Well, what about Steve?

Well, Debbie, I heard that

you were boffing his brains out.

What? Who told you that?

Do you know Roger?

Works at the Dancing Burger,

drives a beat-up van?

Oh, that little sh*t.

Well, anyway,

you're going out with Steve.

I thought

that was pretty serious.

How can anyone be serious about

a stupid jock like-Steve!

- Hi, Steve.

- Ton.

- Bye, Deb.

- Hi, babe.

Hi, Steve.

That's my name, honey,

don't wear it out.

Hey, how about a kiss

for old Stevie, huh?

Come and get it.

Is your old man home?

Take your hands

off my daughter, fruitlips.

Hi, Mr., uh, Lt. Fimple.

How are you, sir?

OK, Jocko.

What about yourself?

Holy sh*t.

You're getting pretty big.

What you curling these days

besides your hair, handjob?

Daddy.

One-fifteen,

three sets of ten, sir.

- What's two and two?

- Daddy!

Just kidding, Steverino.

- One more thing, loverboy.

- Oh, God.

You get her pregnant,

I'll blow your dick off.

Daddy!

I want to die.

- She really liked it, huh?

- Yes, Michael.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes