See You In Valhalla Page #3

really a doctor, Barry.

Yes, I am.

No, come on. You're like a

glorified social worker.

Actually, Bear Cub

is a very good doctor.

I would still be addicted to

Oxy if it wasn't for him.

Thank you.

Oh, he nursed you

back to health?

So you're a nurse.

Except you have sex

with your patients.

You're a naughty nurse.

Son, play nice.

I think you might need a sesh

with Dr. Burwood.

Don't call him that.

Don't call him that.

That's my name.

Isn't this fun,

having the whole gang

back together?

Yeah,

so far apart.

You have something

to say, Barry?

No, Dad, I think he's just

observing your...

Your sudden and

spontaneous attempt

at fatherhood.

How am I doing?

You're doing great.

Eh, sudden,

spontaneous.

So, uh, Jo, are you

gonna see Johnny

while you're here?

Uh...

that's really random.

Why would I do that?

Wait a minute.

Who's Johnny?

Oh! "Johnny" Johnny.

Oh, good call,

Bear Cub.

Yeah, you guys

must have a lot

to catch up on.

Who's Johnny?

Thanks a lot,

Barry, really.

Are we...

Are we done here?

Oh, is Johnny the guy you

were gonna have a baby with?

Excuse me?

Well, my dad said you had an

abortion. Is that the guy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is this appropriate

dinner conversation?

Well, I don't keep secrets

from my daughter.

Secrets aren't something you

blurt out at dinner.

Well, it's already out, so it's

not technically a secret.

Johana did what she

had to do. She left.

It's nothing that the rest

of you didn't do.

Dad, I left

because I started a family,

my own family.

Okay?

No one abandoned you.

No, but you stopped

talking to me.

You stopped talking

to each other.

All I'm saying is we haven't

seen each other for years.

Let's just

try not to spoil it.

It is just amazing

how you can put yourself

on a pedestal like that,

the fact that you

have the gall

to point your finger

at any of us.

Dad, it was not our job

to support you.

You were the dad.

Where were you

when we lost Mom?

No, no.

It took the death

of our little brother,

who we hardly even knew,

till you realize

that you actually did

a really shitty job.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just wondering

when you're gonna start

taking responsibility

for your own sh*t

instead of

blaming it

all on me.

I mean we did pretty much

raise ourselves, Dad.

Thank you.

Just saying.

Yeah.

Forget it.

Well, the food is,

um, fantastic.

It is!

Yeah.

Thank you

for the hospitality.

Thank you, Pete.

So, Ashley,

are there any cute

boys at school?

I guess.

But how 'bout

anyone special, you know?

Any hummingbirds coming

to feed at your nectar?

Please, Dad. Can you...

Can you rein this in?

It's natural.

Heh.

Is... Is this proper

dinner conversation?

Are you f***ing

kidding me?

Okay, as...

Really?

As a matter of fact,

I am a virgin,

if that's what

you guys are asking.

Good.

I'm waiting for marriage

so I don't have

to abort anyone.

Oh, wow.

- Wow.

- Okay, well, um,

Ashley, did you know that

your dad had you at 17

and was forced

to get married?

Yeah. I teach her not to make

the same mistakes I did.

Okay. Well, I'm... I'm in the

middle of a conversation

with your mistake right now, bu

t

according to her rights,

Jo can do whatever

the hell she wants.

Barry, where is

this going?

Honestly, Uncle Dr. Barry,

do you really think

you're the right candidate

to speak for the subject?

I mean, you people

can't even have kids.

What do you mean

me people?

Don't. Just don't.

I mean, once we've

allowed same-sex marriage,

who's to say you can't go out

there and marry your car

or, like, a dog

or something?

I think I would

have a hard time

consummating the relationship I

have with my car.

Yeah, but what if he did? Would

you slap a ring on him?

I'm not gonna have

a political conversation

with a narrow-minded

13-year-old

who's comparing people to autom

-

obiles and canines.

I'm 15.

Yeah.

So, when's the funeral?

Oh, stop it

right now.

I'm f***ing serious.

We're here

for your brother.

I really

don't give a f***

whether you

like each other

or me or not,

but only for one week,

I f***ing implore you to get

along with each other

for the sake

of your brother.

And then we can all go back to

our pathetic lives,

which I am

obviously to blame for.

Your dad's right.

This is wrong.

I feel like we should say a

prayer for Magnus.

Maxwell?

Magnus.

Whatever.

Please grab

your neighbor's hand.

Finally.

The energy in here

was so damp, man.

Nah, I'm okay.

Don.

We don't need him.

You don't need me either.

It's... Okay.

I don't think I can

do this either. Sorry.

All right.

Well, you all can watch.

You can keep your eyes

closed or open,

but please make sure to keep

your soul open.

Wow. Wow.

You know, aloha means

hello, goodbye,

but it also means love.

Will you

please relax?

No. I have anxiety.

Pacing helps me

calm myself.

What the hell would

you have anxiety for?

Because your whole family

hates each other.

I told you

we don't get along.

Yeah, but I thought

you were talking about,

like, the way a man

gets mad at his wife

for stepping

in front of the game

or... or fighting over

which channel to watch.

Pete,

you wanted to come.

Look, I never said that I

wanted to leave, okay?

I really like

being here with you.

I just sometimes

need to vent and pace

to get stuff out.

Okay.

And who's Johnny,

by the way?

He's just a boyfriend

from high school.

Well, then why did everything

escalate as soon as it

was broug ht up?

It escalated because

my brothers are d*cks.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Because if you need to, like,

go and see that Johnny guy

for any reason,

to, like, bury any hatchets

or, anything, you totally can.

I get it.

Why would I care?

Why would I do that?

There's no hatchet

to bury, you know.

I haven't talked to the guy in,

like, almost five years.

Yeah. But you're

here now, right?

Look, the guy

was a d*ckhead.

I dumped him,

and I left.

Do you guys want to go

grab some cocktails?

No.

Yes, please.

Can you give us

a minute?

Listen, Jo.

I like you, okay?

But I'm not down

for getting into this

if you have

any unfinished business.

That's all I'm saying.

You have nothing

to worry about, okay?

Okay.

I need a drink.

Don, you sure you don't

want to come with us?

No, I'm good.

Okay.

See you guys later.

Have fun.

Yep.

You know, you're

not better than us.

One brother is

a suicidal drug addict,

the other is

a therapist who bangs

his male patients,

and my sister

is a coward.

My daughter and I

live a normal and

comfortable life.

That's why I am better.

Ah, you sound like

the perfect big brother,

comfortable with putting

everybody else down.

And your comfortable life

with your wife

who doesn't support

her husband during

his time of grief.

Who says I'm grieving?

You do.

Look, why don't you

buy a few rounds

and say that

you paid for it?

Ah.

All right,

will you back off?

All right? I am trying

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