See You In Valhalla Page #7

Synopsis: After the bizarre death of her brother, Johana Burwood must return home after four years to face her quirky family, including her estranged dad, her two competitive brothers and various significant others. The family is uncomfortable with each other at first, and their inner turmoil manifests itself in quarrels and outright fights. Johana is forced to face some secrets from her past when she runs into an old boyfriend who just can't seem to let go. It's only when tensions are at a breaking point that someone comes up with a brilliant idea that will send their departed brother off with incredible style.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Jarret Tarnol
Production: Arc Entertainment
 
IMDB:
5.4
Metacritic:
28
Rotten Tomatoes:
0%
R
Year:
2015
82 min
147 Views


Not the first time

I heard that.

Come on, bro.

I... I don't know

how to do this.

I'm gonna go

talk to Jo.

Okay.

Can I borrow her

for a second?

I'm just gonna

get some coffee.

Hi.

Hi.

I've been meaning

to ask you something.

What?

Do you know

what your name means?

What, Jo?

No, Johana.

Should I?

Well, you gotta

drop the "J."

Ohana?

Ohana.

Where I come from,

"ohana"

means family.

And I'm someone

who strongly believes

in kismet, you know?

I believe

that things happen

for a reason, you know?

And I don't think your mom

named you that by accident.

Listen, man,

I-I'm really sorry.

I... I have been

a really bad older brother.

You know what I don't

get is, you know...

you're the only person

who's ever used

my sexuality against me.

You know,

I don't even remember

the last time

I was called a f*ggot,

and you show up and boom,

right back where we started

Well, dude, look at me.

When I was

in high school, I was...

I was the man, you know?

I was varsity everything.

I got good grades.

I was wildly popular.

No, I... I should've

cleared a path.

I mean, you were

already fat and gay.

Fat and gay, great.

Well, look how sh*t

turned out, all right?

Here I was this cocky guy,

knocked my girl up,

and then, you know,

I had to be an adult

for the rest of my life.

You, you got to go

to college, become a...

You know, a doctor.

I'm dealing

with an ugly divorce.

I'm trying to teach my kid

to be nothing like me

or her whore mother.

What are you

talking about?

I thought you liked

being married. No.

She's been f***ing around

behind my back for years.

Don, I had no idea.

Now, dude, I love my kid.

She's everything to me.

Literally, she's...

She's all I have left.

Ashley and I moved out

of the house last week.

And staying here

ain't exactly perfect,

but anywhere's better

than there.

Ah, man.

I miss Mom.

I didn't realize how much

until I got here,

saw all you guys.

Me, too.

Burwood.

You can see him now.

He's still

out of it, but he

can have visitors.

Immediate family only.

Right.

He's still stable,

just resting.

Where is everybody?

You okay?

I have this idea.

That's a bad thing,

though, right?

No, this is

a good thing,

but follow my lead.

Oh, God.

Why?

Guys.

Look at you,

the three of you

together again.

You good?

Never better.

Magnus and Mom

say hello.

You know,

when I was away...

my favorite passage

from Magnus' book

came to me.

I memorized it.

I want you to hear it.

"A wolf is always strongest

when he's with his pack.

"Every day,

a dire wolf dies,

but the pack

must stay together."

"And when they do,

"in the end,

they will prevail."

"The tighter the pack,

the stronger the wolf."

"I want you guys

to remember us

"when we were

at our best,

when your mom was there."

"Then we can all

dine in Valhalla

together." Huh?

We can be a pack, Dad.

If we weren't in a hospital,

I' d howl right now.

Hi.

I-I'm sorry. I have to

check his vitals.

Yeah.

You guys go on.

I'm not going anywhere.

How's he doing?

Uh, he's okay,

I guess.

Good,

good, good.

We should...

We should go.

Why are you dressed

like Doogie Howser?

I will

explain that later.

We should get back

to the house right now.

Where's Kiwi?

He said that he would be waitin

g

in the car for you.

Uh, okay.

What the hell

is that?

Is that a corpse?

This is

your bruddah.

That's Magnus?

Yeah.

Makewi, you know why this

is bad, right?

You know why...

Where the hell

did you find him?

What the f*** is the matter

with this guy?

Okay, there's only one

hospital in town, yeah?

So, two plus two. We checked

the autopsy room.

There he was.

You guys, I am so sorry.

I had no idea

that he was gonna...

Never mind. What the f*** are

we gonna do with him?

We're going

to give him a proper

Viking funeral.

Oh. Oh, you're going to give

him a proper Viking funeral?

What the f*** is that?

We're going to put him in a boa

t

set him afloat,

and I'm gonna shoot

flaming arrows at him

and set him on fire.

No, no, no, no, no.

That is not happening.

Okay, you are taking him back

to the morgue immediately.

And how are you

gonna do that, Barry?

You're gonna just waltz into th

e

morgue with a f***ing corpse?

I don't know!

Take him back

the way you got him!

Guys, would you

please just listen.

I am just reading

the signs here, okay?

Honey...

I took up archery in my 30s.

What for? Huh?

I start building

the ark. Why?

It's because I'm

reading the signs.

And guess

who's writing 'em?

Magnus.

He's telling me

to do so.

Gimme the mushrooms,

okay?

I'm not

eating mushrooms.

Barry, I'm all... I'm all

for your open-mindedness

in this relationship,

but are you

f***ing serious?

Not now, okay?

I'm try...

Yeah, you know,

we have to do this.

Do... What?

Are you serious?

It just makes sense.

Yeah, yeah.

It makes perfect sense.

Totally.

Let's

blow up brother.

Let's do that.

Let's f***ing...

Didn't you just hear

what Dad told us?

I mean,

let's start right now

working together

as a pack.

What would Magnus want

if it was one of us, huh?

He would want one of us to shoo

t

flaming arrows at him.

We need a body of water.

Jo...

Yes.

Is it... What are you

laughing at?

This is not funny.

Yes, right.

No, no, no.

This is hilarious,

and actually I have

a great idea.

Remember that lake

behind Arthur Park?

Yes!

Yeah, I used to go there.

I'd blow

all sorts of sh*t up.

With M-80's, I'd f***ing

blow up furniture.

I'd light

my textbooks on fire.

I'm not gonna

get arrested, okay?

I'm not gonna do that.

I never got arrested.

Yeah. Well, you didn't have a

dead body with you either.

You know what? You have to take

some f***ing responsibility

for what you bring... for your

role in this family.

Okay. I don't

think we should

be fighting like this.

You are a f***ing idiot

sometimes, man.

What the f*** are

you talking about?

And you are

a f***ing lunatic.

This is important.

Will you guys

listen to me?

Who brought

this f***ing guy?

You are f***ing guy.

I'm not f***ing guy.

Listen, shut up!

I am reading

the signs.

Shut up!

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut the f*** up!

Look, I read Magnus' book,

me, not you, me!

And if

I learned anything,

it's that a Viking goes to war

with any size army

as long as he's fighting

for his family.

Who gives a sh*t

about our f***ing past?

It sucked.

Okay, big deal.

But let's take this moment

to prove to ourselves

that all of us have at least

one selfless bone in our body.

We just watched

our father have a stroke.

Our brother is dead,

and what're we doing?

We're blaming each other for

sh*t that happened in the past,

that doesn't even

f***ing matter anymore.

I really think

that this is what Magnus

would've wanted.

Right?

Anybody?

Yeah, f*** it.

I'm in.

Bear?

I mean, if you really think

this is what he wants.

Okay.

When Mom was alive,

she was always our rock.

Magnus tried

everything he could

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Brent Tarnol

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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