Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World Page #4

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Oh...

Okay.

Okay.

You'd think a Iifetime of waiting

for the worst to happen

would have prepared me for this.

How could anyone prepare for this?

I always knew. I always knew

it'd be over too soon.

I never saw myself as an old man.

Really?

I thought I was gonna Iive forever.

Was totally gonna peak at 40.

Well, I hear 30 is the new 40.

Luckily, I'm getting my mid-Iife

crisis in just under the wire.

She must be really special, huh? Olivia?

To want to find her after so much time.

She was, yeah.

So why did you break up?

We were young. We were not

fully formed beings yet.

Life just took us in different directions.

She dumped you?

Yes.

What about you?

What about me?

Who's the one that got away?

I am, thank God.

I don't mean I'm anything

special, I just...

I'm glad that part of my Iife's over

with, you know? Relationships.

I thought you weren't cynical.

I'm not cynical. I'm...

I'm clinical.

I am a recovering serial monogamist.

Sounds very serious.

Very serious.

I went to this therapist who told me

that I had problems being alone.

But then, I mean, she wanted

to see me five times a week,

so you tell me who had the real problem.

You know, if the end of the world

has taught me anything,

it's that I'm finally getting my...

Oh, my God.

Is that a Friendsy's?

I would kill for a pint.

Hi, welcome to Friendsy's, where

everyone's your friend!

Hi! Hi!

Two for dinner? Yeah!

Look at this Iittle guy.

Is this okay?

Oh, yeah! Everyone's welcome, yeah.

Dude brought in a wolf

Iast week. It's crazy!

Come on in!

Okay.

Taquitos!

Yeah, three orders.

I can't believe you guys are still open.

Yeah, we thought about closing up shop,

but then we realized this is

really our family, you know?

In fact, the tragedy has brought

us closer. Some of us too close.

That's impossible.

And under new management, it's

a Iot Iess corporate.

Right, Steven?

Right. I hope a booth is okay.

Yeah, it's...

We burned all the chairs in a bonfire.

I'm gonna pass you off to Katie, okay?

You're in warm hands with

her. My skin feels great!

Thanks, Darcy. Isn't he incredible?

Hi, I'm Katie.

Can you slide over, please?

Yeah.

Can I touch your hair? Yeah.

Oh, it's so soft. Thank you.

Can I get you guys something

to wet your whistle?

Everything's awesome!

How are your mudslides? F***ing awesome!

Can we get two mudslides? Yes.

Thank you.

Do you guys wanna know the specials?

Because these guys are getting

really creative.

No, just the mudslides.

Okay! Gotcha. Guys, I'm rolling

pretty hard right now,

but if you two keep it super positive,

I will bring you those M-slides.

And maybe an order of spin-dip

for the table.

That is amazing! And you know what,

it's his birthday today.

Why didn't you tell me

that? Happy birthday!

Thank you.

Wow.

I really hope you're having a good time.

Yeah, I am having fun.

I think that this place

is some sort of cult

and we probably shouldn't eat anything.

Oh, you're crazy. This is amazing.

Look, people are sitting down together,

everybody's happy. Hey!

There's a conga Iine. Just Iike...

This is a piece of American history.

It's a human Iandmark.

It's a shout-out to the man

upstairs to say... Oh!

I smell weed. Excuse me! I smell weed.

Yeah, it's right this way. Conga

your way to a great time!

Is it good?

This bun is a donut.

It's exactly what you think a burger

with a donut bun would taste Iike.

Mmm!

What did you do?

When?

You know, before, Iike, as a Iiving.

I sold insurance.

That's...

Oh. Oh!

Oh, you're serious. Yes, I am.

Oh. Oh!

Okay. How does... How does somebody

get into that field?

You dare to dream, Penny.

I don't know, you...

I guess you start with all of

your childhood fantasies

of being a fireman

or an athlete or whatever.

And then eventually reality hits,

and you realize that, really, all you want

is to have a desk somewhere

with your name on it.

But why insurance?

I didn't Iike Iaw,

and the economy was headed

in one direction.

I'm the type of person, I just...

I feel more comfortable with a safety net.

Whoops. Mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

So, go on. How do you know

a man with a plane?

I don't know him. I said I knew him.

I know, I know. I'm not getting

my hopes up. I'm just...

I'm just really excited.

Obviously.

...with the Friendsy's family

It's your very last birthday

Happy birthday!

There'll never be another

So tell all your sisters and brothers

It's your very last birthday

Happy birthday! Ooh!

Oh!

Okay...

That's... AII right.

Hi, buddy. Hi, there.

Can I join in?

Look, I don't wanna be rude, but...

Oh, God!

Yeah, we should go. We should go.

Okay. Sorry.

Here's some money.

Oh! AII right. Come on, Iet's go.

AII right, see you soon!

Okay, have a good night.

Let's get these off.

They were...

Oh, God.

Dodge, I want you to be my Iast.

That's a Iot of pressure.

Listen, I...

Sorry, you go first.

I wasn't saying anything.

It's just...

I think I got a Iittle carried

away before with

the mudslides and the orgy,

and, you know, obviously, things

are very complicated right now.

What are you doing?

I just want you to know that I...

I wasn't trying to take advantage.

Obviously, you're very young.

What are you, Iike 30? 31?

Twenty-eight. Oh, God. Oh!

God, you try to be a good person...

Relax, Dodge. It was...

It was end-of-the-world sex.

It was creature comfort.

Well... If anything, it was my fault.

You didn't do anything.

I think I did some things.

It isn't gonna happen again, I promise.

You've got Olivia, I've got my family.

You know, we both have more

important places to be.

Just... A Iittle sex. It

was bound to happen,

Iet's not make a big deal out of it.

I dated someone from Camden.

Listen, Penny, it...

I don't understand.

What is he doing?

I guess he's... Is he trying

to pull us over?

Oh, come on. He can't be serious.

How fast are you going?

Who gives a sh*t?

Why aren't you slowing down?

I think we can take him.

Oh. Hey! Hey! Hey! Slow down!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Slow down! Pull the car over. Come on.

Don't you think that he must

have better things to do?

Penny, pull the car over.

Jesus, what's he gonna do, shoot us?

There's a very real possibility

he could shoot us, yes!

AII right! AII right! Let's pull it over.

AII right! God, but...

But I should warn you,

my dad's ex-military

and he says I have a really serious

problem with authority.

Put that away, please.

Give that. Mmm, mmm.

No, it's all I've got Ieft

and I'm trying to ration it. Come on.

What do I do with it?

Oh, just... Just put it in your mouth.

That was still Iit.

Hello, Officer, what seems

to be the problem?

Well, for starters,

you're driving about 15 miles

an hour over the speed Iimit.

Really? Huh.

I thought I was making

better time than that.

And you know, you got a tail Iight out.

No. Yeah.

Also, your plates expired

about a month ago.

Go on.

Um, that's it. That's everything.

Those three things.

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