Self Storage Page #5

THE QUIET.

- NOT SO MUCH I LIKE THE QUIET.

I JUST DON'T REALLY LIKE NOISE.

- THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

[both chuckle]

SO YOU LIKE IT HERE?

- LOOK, I KNOW IT'S NOT MUCH

OF A CAREER,

BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

I MEAN, I'M OUT HERE

BY MYSELF.

NOBODY BUSTS MY BALLS.

NO FAXES.

NO EMAILS TO SEND OUT.

AND...

IT'S ALL PART OF MY PLAN.

- OH, YOU HAVE A PLAN NOW?

- I GOT A LITTLE PLAN.

- I'M INTRIGUED.

TELL ME THIS PLAN.

- I DON'T KNOW. I THINK YOU'LL

THINK IT'S PRETTY STUPID.

- OH, JUST TELL ME.

- MAYBE LATER.

RIGHT NOW,

WAIT HERE:

AND KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.

- WHAT?

- HEY, NO PEEKING.

- UGH!

[door clanging]

OKAY, OPEN 'EM UP.

- NO WAY.

- WAY.

LET'S SUIT UP.

- YOUR JOB IS WAY BETTER

THAN MINE.

- [gasping]

- OKAY, LET'S SEE WHA WE GOT HERE.

- WHERE IS THIS?

- WE NEED A KNEECAP.

- AM I IN THE HOSPITAL?

- HERE WE GO.

- IS MY MOM HERE?

- HERE WE GO, PAL.

[cloth tearing]

- HEY.

THAT TICKLES.

- [chuckles]

OH, IT'S GONNA TICKLE

A LOT MORE.

- WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NO.

[screaming]

- ALL RIGHTY.

AH, SH*T.

SH*T!

- WHA-WHAT?

- I OPENED

THE WRONG FRICKIN' KNEE.

EH, WE'RE OKAY.

I'LL FIX IT.

- NO! NO!

- [retching]

- HEY, BUDDY,

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- FOOD POISONING.

I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING.

I SWEAR.

- RELAX. I'M NOT GONNA BUST YOU

OR NOTHING.

YOU'RE ONE OF JAKE'S PALS,

RIGHT?

- YEAH.

- WE WERE JUST HANGING.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

HAVING A FEW BEERS, HUH?

- YEAH, AND A LO OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

- YOU KNOW,

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,

I USED TO GET FOOD POISONING

EVERY WEEKEND.

- [chuckles]

- COME ON.

LET'S GET YOU SOME WATER.

- THANKS, MAN.

[blippy bass music]

- [exhales sharply]

[toy guns warbling]

- THIS PART OF YOUR PLAN?

[toy gun warbling]

- COME ON.

GET YOU A SEAT HERE.

- MAN, YOUR HEAD MUST BE

REALLY SPINNING RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA GET YOU

A CUP OF JOE.

- THANKS.

[ominous music]

I GOT SOME ASPIRIN.

I GOT SOME ASPIRIN.

THAT'LL HELP WITH THE, UH...

HANGOVER HEADACHE.

- THANKS SO MUCH.

- HEY, FRIEND OF JAKES...

FRIEND OF MINE.

- AS LONG AS WE'RE FRIENDS,

YOU MIND IF I USE THAT PHONE?

I GOT TO CALL MY SISTER

TO FIGURE OUT HOW

I'M GETTING HOME.

- YEAH, SURE, SURE.

CALLBACK NUMBER'S ON THE PHONE.

[receiver clicks]

[buttons clacking]

- STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL.

WHAT THE FRIG, JESS?

HEY, JESS, IT'S ME.

I THINK WE'RE ALL ABOUT READY

TO BLAST OUT OF HERE,

SO, I DON'T KNOW,

CALL ME BACK.

COME GET ME:

OR SOMETHING.

[glass shatters]

EVERYBODY, HELP!

THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!

CALL THE COPS!

CALL THE--

- HA!

thud!

F***.

DON'T SAY A F***ING WORD.

SON OF A B*TCH.

- VAL, COME ON!

VALERIE!

MRS. POSNER?

LET'S GO.

LET'S--

WE'LL GET SOME FOOD

OR SOMETHING.

WE'LL TALK.

[eerie music]

SH*T.

I'M SORRY.

[truck hood creaking]

- [grunts]

F***!

OH!

GROSS.

UGH.

[scoffs]

UGH.

[thudding]

RIP?

DON'T EVEN TRY

AND TALK.

I AM SO DONE WITH YOU.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME

AND LOSE MY NUMBER.

YOU GOT THAT?

[ominous music]

[scoffs]

[gasps]

[screams]

[thudding]

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

F*** ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!

I'M GOING TO IHOP!

[engine grinding]

WHAT THE F***?

[engine grinding]

GOT TO BE F***ING WITH ME!

WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

DID THIS?

- SO I GOT TO DO A COUPLE MORE

THINGS WITH THE ENGINE,

AND THEN SHE'S READY

TO ROCK.

- THEN WHAT?

- I'M GONNA GET HER IN THE WATER

AND GO.

- GO WHERE?

- HAVEN'T REALLY THOUGH ABOUT THAT PART YET?

I'M THINKING, LIKE,

TAKE A WEEK OFF,

MAYBE A MONTH,

JUST CRUISE.

MAYBE A WHOLE SUMMER.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

I TOLD YOU YOU'D THINK

IT WAS STUPID.

- I DON'T THINK IT'S STUPID.

I THINK IT'S KIND OF GREAT.

LIKE AN ADVENTURE.

- JAKE!

- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

- NOTHING.

ACTUALLY, YOU SEE

THAT FENCE OVER THERE?

- YEAH.

- SEE THAT RED FLASHING LIGHT?

- [gasps]

WHAT IS IT, A CAMERA?

- NO, IT'S, UH,

THE ELECTRIC FENCE.

IT MEANS IT'S ARMED.

LIKE, IF YOU WERE

TO TOUCH IT RIGHT NOW,

YOU'D GET F***ED.

- BUT...

- THEY ONLY ARM THE FENCE

WHEN NOBODY'S HERE,

AND IT WASN'T ON

WHEN I GOT HERE,

SO SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENED.

PROBABLY WHEN:

THE POWER WENT OUT.

- BUT WHEN THE POWER GOES OUT,

I--

- THINGS DON'T USUALLY

GET TURNED BACK ON.

I'M WITH YOU.

- SOMETHING'S WRONG, JAKE.

NOTICE HOW QUIET IT IS?

- WELL, YEAH,

YOU KNOW,

UH, KIND OF PAR OF THE WHOLE PLAN.

WE GOT BOAT.

WE GO THE STARS.

- JAKE, YOU SHOULD GO CHECK THE

CIRCUIT BREAKER OR SOMETHING.

- SARA-MARIE...

- IF YOU GO CHECK IT OUT,

I'LL LET YOU F*** ME AGAIN.

- ALL RIGHT,

LET'S GET ON THAT BREAKER.

- RICHIE!

HAMILTON!

WHAT THE F***?

THIS IS REAL FUNNY,

I BET, HUH?

- THIS IS TOTALLY F***ED.

- WHAT?

- I DON'T--

THIS WOULD BE--

zap!

- [screams]

JAKE, TALK TO ME.

- DON'T TOUCH THAT.

WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON HERE?

I DON'T KNOW WHO

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IT'S, LIKE, RIGGED

SO WE CAN'T GET OUT.

- WE SHOULD CALL THE COPS.

ALL THOSE MISSING PEOPLE

ON THE NEWS.

- IT COULD BE A MALFUNCTION

OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW.

WE CAN'T CALL THE COPS.

WE'RE ALL F***ED UP.

THERE'S WEED EVERYWHERE.

LIKE, THE...

LET'S JUST ROUND

EVERYBODY UP, OKAY?

- I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN

I FIND YOU, YOU LITTLE PRICKS!

[ominous string music]

- WE CAN'T KILL JAKE, WALT.

THINGS HAVE GONE

WAY TOO FAR.

- HEY, IT HASN' GONE FAR ENOUGH.

- WHAT?

MAJOR--

- TREVOR,

WHEN THE F***

ARE YOU GONNA REALIZE

WE GOT A SHITLOAD OF MONEY

RIDING ON THIS, MAN?

I HATE EYES.

MM.

LOOK, MAN, YOU DO

WHAT YOU GOT TO DO.

WE'RE STILL SHORT.

SERGEANT,

I NEED MORE BODY PARTS.

MAKE IT HAPPEN.

PRONTO.

- YES, SIR.

[machine beeping]

- OOH.

NICE.

GOD, I'M GOOD.

[golf club clattering]

- [grunts]

OH, SH*T.

WHAT THE F***?

[electrical zapping]

- WHOA!

- YO, WE GO TO GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE.

SOMEBODY'S KILLING EVERYBODY.

- KILLING EVERYBODY?

WHAT THE F***

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?

- WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?

- OH, MY GOD.

- WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

- WE CAN'T.

THE FENCE IS LIVE.

WHERE'S YOUR TRUCK?

- TRUCK'S F***ED.

SOMEBODY CUT THE WIRES.

- WHERE DID ALL

THAT BLOOD COME FROM?

- I SLIPPED IN IT.

IT'S PART OF A F***ING TRAIL.

SOMEBODY GOT DRAGGED

THROUGH THERE.

- ALL RIGHT, SARA-MARIE,

CALL THE POLICE.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?

THE F***?

IT'S NOT WORKING.

I HAD FULL SERVICE

WHEN WE GOT HERE.

- I GOT NOTHING.

- NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

- THAT'S A REALLY GOOD QUESTION.

[door squeaking]

MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB,

I WAS DOING A LITTLE EXPLORING.

THIS SH*T WAS PRETTY COOL.

- THAT'S WHA I'M TALKING ABOUT.

- HOLD UP.

WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?

- WHO CARES?

YOU GOT THE CROSSBOW.

SHOOT IT.

[bowstring snaps]

- [screams]

- NOBODY MOVES.

NOBODY GETS HURT.

- WHAT THE F***?

TREVOR?

- OH, THERE GOES JAKE

THE HERO,

MAKING PLANS NOW.

HE'S ALL GROWN UP.

- [grunts]

[clanking]

- AH! GOD! GAH!

- HOLY SH*T.

THAT ACTUALLY WORKED.

- AH!

AH!

HA! AH!

AH!

F***ING KIDS!

F***ING KIDS!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

YOU HAVE NO F***ING IDEA!

AH!

[clanging]

- HELLO, BABY.

GOOD GIRL.

YOU TRIED TO TRAP US.

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