Semen, a Love Sample Page #3

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They're very pretty.

But Im not Ariadna.

What?

Im her twin sister, Penelope.

Come on in.

Incredible.

You're identical.

How silly of me,

you're twins after all.

l didn't know

Ariadna had a sister.

Go up to her.

She's expecting you.

The way to Ariadna's heart

was like that staircase.

I had to take it step by step.

And most important of all,

not rush things.

No throwing myself into her arms

and saying l couldn't live

without her or my baby.

On that first date

I'd just give her the flowers

and chat informally...

I love you, l love you,

you're so beautiful,

so wonderful.

Hold on, hold on.

-We're going too fast.

-What do you mean, Serafin?

Look... come here.

Foreplay...

is very important.

lf l may...

One... two...

three...

So how long

does the foreplay last?

That depends

on the individual.

Women generally need

half an hour.

Half an hour!

lf you like...

Ill move on to stimulating...

your nipples.

That might accelerate the process.

Stop! Stop!

-Please, stop.

-Am I over stimulating you?

Ill move on.

Do it.

Your navel's so beautiful.

Your belly's so...

so... so...

Pregnant.

Go on.

Is this a good idea?

Avery good idea.

What's that?

A dog!

Its Friday.

Hi, handsome.

-You have a dog on Fridays?

-No, that's his name.

It attacked me!

What's it doing here?

Its a local stray.

We feed it.

Friday!

Sorry. l was dressing

a cut he had

-and he ran away.

-Don't touch it!

Don't touch it!

It's all right.

Penelope, Serafin...

You've already met.

Ill take him.

We should keep him.

l agree.

-Right. Now come here.

-Wait, wait, wait.

What's all this

about keeping him?

That dog can't stay here.

Why not?

He's a good dog

and he's all alone.

Because it's a stray

and it has a cut

and could transmit infections.

And parasites.

And... we have to do something.

-No!

-Dad, please!

Out! Out!

You can't bring dogs here!

What do l want one for?

Are you mad?

Friday, sit down.

Not even in English...

Get rid of it now.

l can't, Dad.

Its ours.

Its our dog.

l didn't let you have

a dog as a child

and you can't have one now!

Dad, Dad.

Listen to me.

Its a matter

of life and death.

l have to tell you something.

It'd better be good.

-Give me a drink.

-What?

Dad, please. All that's missing

in here is the barman.

Whisky or rum?

Both.

Goodness me.

l can see you and the dog

sleeping it off in here.

Now l know

that most couples do it

the other way around...

They fall in love

and if they decide

to have a baby...

they get down

to business later.

Well, we're the same,

except that

we started at the end.

That's not so bad, is it?

Give me a swig.

So... do you think

she'll be angry?

Well...

You tricked her,

took advantage of her,

lied to her...

No.

She won't be angry.

She'll just never forgive you.

She'll never want

to see you again.

But that's nothing.

She'll probably report you too.

You'll lose your job,

and get depressed and end up

in an asylum...

lf you're lucky.

So shall l just

keep my mouth shut?

Whether you do or not,

l don't think

you'll escape disaster.

Think of your semen

as the first few drops

of a great flood

that will drown us all.

Tell her the truth.

Can't go on like this.

Things could get worse.

Better tell her the truth.

Better tell her the truth.

Tell her the truth.

Poor Serafin!

There'll be no lies on Judgment Day.

Better tell the truth.

Better tell the truth.

Tell her the truth.

To stop thinking,

to stop feeling bad,

to stop pretending,

to stop looking back,

to stop suffering...

tell her the truth.

Tell her the truth.

Ill have seaweed salad.

Only seaweed salad?

Why not have some meat or fish?

For your vitamin

and protein intake.

My stomach isn't a laboratory,

Serafin. But okay.

Sushi with tuna fish for me.

Raw fish?

Raw fish... no way.

Tuna fish, but it must be

very, very well done.

And Ill have the same.

-That way we rule out anisakis.

-Don't worry, sir.

Our fish is very fresh.

There's no danger.

No-one can guarantee

that 100 percent.

We want it very, very well done.

Right.

That's tuna fish...

overcooked, no anisakis...

Thank you.

Sorry if l went on about the food.

l only want the best

for you and the baby.

There's something else

l wanted to tell you...

l was going to wait till dessert

but l feel so nervous

and impulsive

that l just can't wait.

Seaweed salad.

Ariadna...

That's pretty!

Its a ring.

l was thinking...

the baby's almost due

and Id love...

to give it my surname.

Will you marry me?

You're so funny.

What's funny about this?

The baby won't need your surname.

He's got one already.

l hoped you'd feel flattered.

I know before we met

you wanted to be a single mother

but we love each other,

so why deny the poor thing

a father?

Well, you see...

Im not the mother.

What?

The baby's not for me.

It's for my sister.

Penelope.

This has got to be a joke.

You're having me on.

No, Im not. Really.

She always wanted to be a mother,

but she can't have kids.

What are you saying?

She had an accident

some years ago. She fell

off the trapeze.

So we decided

I'd have a baby for her.

You're crazy.

You're crazy.

You can't do this to me.

Why?

l think it's very nice.

And my sister's happy.

And Im still young

so l can have kids

of my own in the future.

The future...

the future doesn't exist.

The only thing that's real

is that baby

in there that l...

This can't be happening!

Maybe l should have told you

before but l didn't think

-you'd take it so badly.

-Oh, God!

Oh, my goodness!

Your tuna fish.

That's not for you!

Why?

Why is it so difficult to steer

the course of our own lives?

Why are we doomed to drift

aimlessly, without a rudder?.

Is there any point in dodging

the slings and arrows of fortune?

Wouldn't it just

be better to give in?

To give up?

Serafin!

Serafin!

What is it?

That dog needs taking out

before it fills the place with sh*t!

l am not getting out of bed, Dad!

I've renounced the world!

Can't you think of anything

more original than

copying your father?

Im just taking your example.

No, sir.

With me it's different.

Mine is an ethical posture

towards life.

Since when is staying

in bed an ethical posture?

Yes, sir.

Posture as in Onetti!

Does the name ring a bell?

More than posture, that's a pose.

You're ridiculous.

You got out of bed!

Well, someone has to show

a little common sense

in this house. Im taking

that mutt out before

it drives us crazy.

Friday.

His name's Friday.

l don't give a sh*t what his name is!

l hold you responsible if this dog

pisses in the doorway, the janitor

refuses to take the garbage down

and this place gets full

of sh*t and we get kicked out!

l said ''responsible''!

What if it bites someone

and they report us to the police

and l have a panic attack

and die of heart failure?

l said ''responsible''!

And will you get out of bed!

l hate being imitated.

You're Like some clone!

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