Semi-Pro Page #4

Why don't you just shut up, man?

Say, Monix, why don't you let us

see that championship ring, man?

Don't think nobody here

ever seen a championship ring before.

- All right.

- Yes, sir.

- Yes!

- Yo, man, let me see it!

Holy balls.

My God, look at this right here.

"Champion" in sparkling gold.

Man, why are you wearing that

on your neck?

If I had a ring like that,

I'd have it on my finger every day...

so the honeys could see it.

I'm not quite as flashy as you.

I just like wearing it

around my neck, that's all.

- That's cool, man.

- I hear that.

He should be embarrassed.

Embarrassed?

He sat through every playoff game.

Then he gonna walk around us

with all the shine...

like he some kind of hero or somethin'.

Come on, Clarence.

You're just actin' jealous.

Whatever. I ain't never rode the bench

and then go call myself a champion.

Somebody need to snatch that ring

off his sorry neck.

- You wanna snatch it? Come on.

- l...

- Be my guest.

- I don't think your knees can take it.

Hey! Hey, I got a ring up here too.

Mine says love.

Think about that.

Everybody love everybody!

Come on!

Eleven more hours to go.

This way, this way.

Let's go, Tropics. Keep it alive.

Keep it alive, right here!

Throw it in the blender.

No! Changed my mind.

Right back, though.

- OK. OK.

- Right back to you. Give it back again!

- You got it.

- No, right back.

- No?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Sure?

- Yeah. Right back. Come on, now. No.

Right back, reset.

Throw it to Papa.

- No, right back out.

- All right.

- Right back. Right back.

- Here you go, Jackie.

- Back to you. Right back, though.

- You're right. OK.

Shoot!

- All right, right on.

- Clear. Yeah.

- You ready?

- No, right back.

- No?

- Yeah. OK, clear.

- All right, I'm goin'.

- My turn.

Yeah, I'll bet my alleged son

he won't make this.

Jackie Moon finally making a move...

- and it is worth the wait!

- All day long!

- Traveling!

- No, no, no, no! One and a half steps!

- Come on, Jackie. You walked.

- Suck my cock! I'll murder your family!

- You're gone, Jackie Moon!

- What? What?

Jackie Moon is ejected from the game.

- What did I say?

- You said, "S my C."

And one lucky fan

will go home with a game ball.

That's your head next time.

You're a big baby, Jackie.

You cannot tell me to S my C.

Jackie Moon and the referee

really going at it here.

- I didn't say anything.

- You said, "S my C."

- I barely raised my voice.

- I should call your mother.

You need a phone to heaven to do that.

- Maybe your ma didn't go to heaven.

- Oh, dear.

Oh, my. Oh, no.

OK. Everyone off the floor.

Let's go. Tropics, let's go.

Why... No, Jackie.

It appears a line has been crossed

by Father Pat of all people.

- Look, Jackie, I'm sorry.

- Stop the broadcast.

Jackie Moon is pulling his team

off the court.

You forfeit this game, Jackie,

if you keep walking.

- That's fine.

- You threatened to kill my family!

God damn it, Pat.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Don't get on your high horse, Redwood.

Thank you, Dick, for staying.

And that will do it from St. Louis,

where the score is inconclusive.

Good night.

- Dick.

- That's it.

We go to church together.

Not anymore.

# Hey, Flint Tropics, welcome back,

give the Amigos a heart attack #

I tried, Jackie.

They won't take it.

Look, I don't know

what your bank is telling you.

This is a real check.

I signed it myself.

It's written in glitter, man.

Can't you just, you know, like,

write me a regular-size check?

Maybe you should try a different bank.

A big bank.

- Bigger bank?

- That has a big check department.

- That's what I'd do.

- OK.

- Right? All right.

- Yeah.

Scootsie, he is takin' you to town!

Get him, Twig. C'mon!

There we go.

- All right, guys. Hey, listen up.

- Hey, hey.

Let's go. Eyes up here.

Turn that contraption off. Come on.

Look, just got off the phone

with the Commissioner.

He convinced the board

to pass another merger rule.

We gotta average 2,000 fans per

home game for the rest of the season.

- Two thou every home game?

- Damn. What?

Commissioner says they're not gonna

take a franchise that doesn't have fans.

- He's being a real dick.

- Good Lord, Jackie Moon.

Winning these games is gonna be hard,

but 2,000 fans? Impossible, man.

It's OK, Scootsie.

'Cause I got a plan. All right?

Now, you all know

we're the ABA game of the week, right?

Could be a lot of television cameras

out there, so we just gotta be tiptop.

So, what's the plan?

I brought a secret weapon.

It's gonna make us

look extra cool on TV.

What the hell is that?

It's eyeliner, dummy.

Now who's first? Monix?

Yeah. Just let me get a fresh Maxi Pad

out of my purse.

Looks like Jackie Moon has brought a

trick from Broadway to the court tonight.

Trap, trap, trap, trap, trap.

Point of no return.

Go back. Go back.

Horse in the trailer.

Nowhere to go.

Hey. Look at my eyes.

No, look at my eyes.

Are you scared? Tropical storm.

Eye of the hurricane.

I'm gonna hypnotize you.

I'm not gonna blink. I'm not gonna blink.

- Look at me.

- Where you goin'? Where you goin'?

Jackie tips the ball away.

Twiggy picks it up and takes it in.

- Two points, Tropics.

- Way to go, Twiggy!

Make sure the camera gets your eyes!

- This team is on fire early in the game.

- They're flamin', all right.

Nice lay-up.

Nice lay-up, Twiggy.

- Who's got character now?

- My confidence is sky-high right now.

What's with Vakidis?

What the hell's wrong with Vakidis?

Sh*t! Your eyeliner's running.

Yeah. Yours is kinda smoky too.

All right, everyone.

Try not to sweat if you can.

Hell, no. This sh*t

burnin' already, man.

- Yeah, it kinda is.

- Goddamn.

I'm going to the bench, man. Move!

- What's happening?

- Sh*t!

The Tropics seem to be

disabled in some way.

God, it burns.

Do they test this on animals

or is that just a lie?

Feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!

Just open your eyes with your fingers,

guys. It's really nice.

Cock sandwich, that hurts!

- F***in' idiots.

- That feels really good.

Monix, where's your makeup, buddy?

Hey, how come it says Monix on

your jersey when your name's P*ssy?

- I was curious about this...

- F*** you, Petrelli.

- Hey, hey, Monix!

- Get your hands off me!

- Get back here! You little b*tch!

- We're on TV!

- I don't give a sh*t!

- Commissioner's watching.

- You wanna kill the merger? C'mon.

- Everybody relax.

Looks like a little gentleman's

disagreement on the court. Nothing big.

No, these girls aren't gonna fight.

No, but a little bit of a delay

in play for a moment here.

What about during commercial?

Yeah, I like it. Yeah, it's good.

- Father Pat, timeout.

- Timeout, white!

It's a timeout on the floor, with 9 minutes

and 16 seconds left in the first.

The Tropics two, the Amigos six.

And we'll be right back

after these messages from Shasta.

And, clear.

Somebody hit somebody!

Here we go.

- Come on!

- Get him!

This is a good old-fashioned

bare-fisted brawl here on the court.

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