Semi-Pro Page #6

OK, Clarence, flash through the lane.

- Hustle, Clarence!

- Come on, come on.

Ball, ball, ball!

We been runnin'

the same play all day.

Yeah, can we maybe try

play number two?

No! I want you to be brain-dead,

gentlemen!

'Cause someday you're gonna be

too tired or too nervous to think.

And when you are,

this is the play that I'm gonna call.

We need to be able to run

this play in our sleep.

I'm a rover, Coach.

I'm just gonna go rover.

No, don't just go rovin'.

Run the play, Jackie Moon.

I'm creatin' a diversion, though...

- by runnin' in circles over here.

- Don't lose your mind, Jackie Moon.

We are runnin' this until we puke.

- Well, basically, we have.

- Yeah, I'm pretty beat, Coach.

"Until we puke"

is not a figure of speech.

We are literally going to puke.

What does he mean by "literally"?

I wish you were still

a washing machine!

Get up and run, Coach!

You're gonna puke like everybody else!

I can't puke, Monix!

I've never puked in my life, ever!

You're lying to me.

I've been sick before, I've just never

puked. Swear on my mother's grave.

What about when you were a baby?

Babies throw up all the time.

My mom said I never did it. I swear.

She said I was fascinating.

In fact, the local PBS wanted to do

a documentary on me.

Have you ever been punched

in the jejunum?

No, what's a jejunum?

It's part of the small intestine.

I don't think so.

I mean, I've been punched in the armpit

before, and in the wrist twice.

Coccyx, and in the back of the knee.

Both eyes, and I've been punched

right in my tracheal...

Let that out.

Go ahead, Jackie. Just let it go.

Hey, hey, hey.

Get ahold of yourself, Jackie!

Let go! Hold it in, Jackie!

Hold it in!

Get off me, God damn it!

Jackie!

We are seeing a very different Tropics

basketball team than we're used to...

aren't we, Lou?

Playing with a lot of energy

and a lot of confidence.

They're movin' the ball well.

It looks like they're gonna win this game.

The only question is, by how much?

Jangel has the ball now.

My gosh, a loose ball on the court

and Clarence dives for it?

Timeout!

That's something we have not seen

before. And a timeout is called.

Timeout, white!

- Hey. Good playin' out there, Jackie.

- Thanks.

- Way to go, man.

- Yeah.

The crowd is really excited tonight.

They know what's at stake, Dick.

Yup, gettin' their home team

into the NBA.

No, I'm talking about free corn dogs.

That's right.

It's free corn dog night.

Fellas, it's lookin' great.

We're 30 seconds away

from takin' this thing.

Yeah, he's right. Let's try to win,

but not win by too much.

Wait, we don't want to win by too much?

What the hell are you talkin' about?

- Corn dogs.

- What?

See, if we score 125 points...

that mean we gotta give everybody

in here a free corn dog, all right?

Yeah, sorry, Monix.

We don't even got corn dogs.

Corn... I don't care,

we're takin' it to 'em, all right?

Hey, we're up by seven, OK?

Can't we just take it easy?

Run the clock out?

We're talkin' a lot of corn dogs!

I don't give a sh*t

about the corn dogs, all right?

We play hard every second. We run

the offense. Everybody got that?

- Right on.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got that, Jackie?

- OK, bring us together, man.

- One, two, three.

Let's get Tropical!

OK, it looks like we are going

to return to the game. Monix...

- Hey, Monix.

...has the ball.

You wanna just throw it to me? I can

get it to Clarence. That might be easier.

Jackie, move!

Ball, ball, ball, ball,

ball, ball, ball! Ball!

- Nice, Monix!

- Monix inbounds to Clarence.

OK. Come on, Clarence,

take your time.

Come on, Nets, play some defense.

You wanna go for the double team?

Might be a good time.

Double team, double team.

I won't do anything

if I get the ball, I promise.

He'll go with his right. He loves

his right one. He likes the right hand.

- What are you doin'?

- Clarence drives.

Dishes off to Scootsie.

But look at this, Jackie Moon

blocks his own teammate's shot!

A loose ball on the court,

Vakidis gets it.

No!

God damn it, Vakidis!

Learn f***in' English!

Corn dogs, Jackie!

Corn dogs for all these people.

The Tropics win,

and this crowd is going crazy.

Crazy for corn dogs.

And Jackie Moon gives us

a victory lap right out the door!

# Get up and dance to the music! #

Now, Scootsie, rotate up top.

Vakidis, flash to the high post.

No, to the high post, Vakidis.

Help him.

Good.

- At guard...

- # Dance to the music #

...formerly known as Clarence Withers...

- and "Downtown Funky Stuff" Malone...

- # Dance to the music #

...and Sugar Dunkerton.

- # Dance to the music #

- He's tryin' out his new name tonight.

Put your hands together for...

- # Dance to the music #

...Coffee Black.

Coffee Black!

# Dance to the music #

# You might like to hear

the horns blowin' #

# Cynthia on the throne, yeah! #

Now let's do it again. Jab.

Swing, back.

Good.

That's it.

# Dance to the music #

# Dance to the music #

# Dance to the music #

Here they come, the Flint Tropics

Ball Girls cheerleading squad,

keeping the crowd energized

through the timeout.

They've just got such big...

- What?

- Hearts.

- Yes.

- Big, bouncy, jiggly hearts.

Well, hearts don't really bounce...

so now I think you're talking

about something else, Lou.

- # Say it! Get up! #

- Yeah!

Downtown brings the ball up forward and

passes to Monix at the top of the key.

Behind his back to Doubleday.

Scootsie goes for the three-pointer...

and it is good!

Are you actually havin' fun out here,

Monix?

Hey, don't tell anybody.

# Dance to the music #

# Dance to the music #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

# Dance to the music #

Well, if it isn't

the toast of Flint, Michigan.

Shouldn't you be out signing

autographs somewhere or somethin'?

- Will you marry me?

- Shut up.

I'm crazy about you.

You know that.

Do I?

You came to one of our games.

Don't think I didn't see you

hiding in the upper deck.

- So?

- So let's do this, Lynn. You and me.

You know, like back in the day.

You know? I mean not then, because

I was an a**hole. Better, right?

For real this time.

I need you.

Yo, Monix!

What's up, man?

Hey, check out the jersey. I'm you!

Yeah.

- Hey, Kyle?

- Yeah.

Can you do me a big favor?

Can you go get me a tube of Bengay?

Are you kidding me?

I'd be honored, man. I'll leave right now.

What do you think you're doing?

- Hey, Kyle?

- Yeah!

Listen, don't... Kyle?

- Yeah!

- Don't go to the pharmacy.

I need one of those big tubes like

you get at Luger's out on Route 59.

I'm already gone, big man!

Hey, Lynn.

Forgot my stupid wallet.

That's it.

Yes.

# Baby, keep on #

# Come on, baby,

keep on doin' it #

# Right on #

# Right on doin' it #

# You got it together #

# Baby, keep on #

# Oh, you got it together, baby #

# Right on #

# Keep on doin' it #

# And I'll give you,

baby, all that I get #

- Kyle.

- # Keep on #

- F***!

- Monix!

You old dog.

- What the hell are you doin'?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes