Semi-Pro Page #8

Synopsis: Three men, three dreams. It's 1976 in Flint, Michigan. Jackie Moon's American Basketball Association team languishes in last place, with few fans in the seats. Jackie dreams of a merger with the NBA. A tough-minded point guard named Monix is at the end of his career; he's played on the champion Celtics but accepts a trade to Flint to be close to Lynn, the love of his life. Clarence "Coffee" Brown dreams of stardom: he's the Tropics' best player, but he's a hotdog who doesn't value teamwork. When the trio learns that a merger is in the works that won't include the Tropics, they pull the team together to try to achieve the impossible. Can dreams come true in Flint?
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Kent Alterman
Production: New Line Cinema
  1 win & 4 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.8
Metacritic:
47
Rotten Tomatoes:
22%
R
Year:
2008
91 min
$33,370,443
Website
1,284 Views


You're right.

I just wish I could puke this all away.

Monix, can you punch me

in the jejunum?

Monix?

# Qu ser, ser #

In a new merger-policy shift...

it seems the Tropics will not

be playing for an NBA berth after all.

Saturday's matchup

against the first-place Spurs...

will be the Tropics'

final basketball game.

And in an act of great sacrifice...

Jackie Moon has helped

Tropics' superstar, Coffee Black...

realize his NBA dreams...

by trading him to the Spurs.

Clarence baby, you made it!

You made it, Clarence, you made it!

Yes.

# Qu ser #

# Qu ser #

# Girl #

# Qu ser #

For Lou Redwood, I'm Dick Pepperfield

reminding you there will be another...

No, actually we're down to our last night.

Sh*t.

Sup, chief?

Hey.

What are you doing here?

If you ain't heard, I got traded.

Yeah.

Coffee Black headin' to the NBA.

Big time.

Yeah, I just wanted to let you know,

man, this year, you coaching us...

the way you did it,

you really made us feel...

No, no, no, no.

Don't.

OK.

Let me ask you somethin', Monix.

Yup.

You already played for the NBA.

Your knee is gone...

you couldn't give a damn about the

merger, you were gonna retire anyway.

What's the question?

What you playin' for?

I just wanna sit here

and have a beer in peace.

Yeah?

All right.

I just thought you'd wanna hear that.

Have a good one.

# Baby, are you ready

to lick me sexy? #

Jackie, where you at?

# I'm a big faker

and I stole this song-ly sexy #

# I wanna kill myself-y sexy #

# I'm gonna get an extension cord

and hang myself sexy #

Buddy. What are you doin'?

Right now I'm urinating on myself.

Listen, Jackie, I never thanked you.

- For what?

- For helpin' me find basketball again.

Now what is it... Don't eat that.

- What is that?

- Pancake.

- Has that been there?

- It's been here a while.

Listen, Jackie, I think

you should call a team meeting.

Why?

'Cause you're still the leader

of the Tropics. Can you do that?

OK.

You're a good man.

Should we...

I hate to see this go to waste.

This little bit.

It won't go to waste.

Save that for the next guy.

If I could have

everyone's attention, please.

Well...

I just wanted to take one last time

to say thank you to all of you...

for all your hard work

as part of the Flint Tropics.

My teammates, it was an honor

to be on the court with you.

You guys are the best.

Even you, Vakidis.

Goddamn dumb son of a b*tch.

You don't understand

a word I'm saying, do you?

To the Tropic Ball Girls...

I always thought I was gonna sleep

with a couple of you...

but that didn't happen.

That'll teach me to procrastinate.

Bobby Dee,

you're like a son I never had.

The son who's exactly

the same age as me.

Well, kinda... You're like

a half-son, half-friend.

Friend. A son-friend.

No, don't talk. You'll just make it worse.

I don't want to cry and wet my pants.

I'm not makin'

a whole lot of sense right now.

- Jackie?

- Yeah?

- Can I say a couple words?

- Please.

Thanks.

So we all know

that Clarence got traded...

and we all know this game

doesn't really matter anymore, right?

I've been thinking...

We made it our mission

to win fourth place.

You know, fourth place is still out there

waiting for us to take it.

And we're this close.

Now I tried to pretend that

it didn't matter if we won fourth or not.

The truth is...

I never wanted anything

more in my whole f***ed-up life.

This game does matter.

It matters...

because this is the last real game of

basketball any of us is ever gonna play.

Ever.

Saturday night, I say we leave it

all out there on the floor...

because there is nothing else

for us to save it for.

Clarence or no Clarence,

NBA or no NBA...

this is for us.

Yeah. Let's do this.

Jackie Moon, I believe you have

one more game to promote.

- That's right.

- Damn right.

- Gentlemen?

- Let's bring it in.

- Ladies?

- C'mon.

- Yeah.

- Let's go, Tropics.

- Let me hear you say, "Fourth place!"

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

- Fourth place!

Look, the Spurs may be

the number-one team in the league...

but come Saturday night

they're gonna have to prove it.

Turtleneck.

Mr. Moon, since this game

doesn't actually count...

what exactly is your motivation?

On Saturday, we're gonna be playing

for the Flint, Michigan Megabowl.

White pants.

Yeah, I don't know if I understand

what you mean by Megabowl?

It's a Megabowl.

What's not to understand?

This is history in the making.

You're gonna wanna tell your grandkids

and their grandkids and their grandkids.

And when they look back

in the annals of history...

they're gonna be talkin'

about three things...

discovery of fire,

invention of the submarine...

and the Flint, Michigan Megabowl.

Right, but still the game doesn't count.

The trophy's 12 feet high.

And it is glorious. I've seen it.

Yeah, and when

we win the game...

that big gun's gonna shoot off.

The cannon doesn't actually fire.

It's a relic.

We're gonna win the Megabowl.

Saturday! Eight o'clock!

Flint, Michigan Megabowl!

Flint, Michigan Megabowl!

Flint, Michigan Megabowl!

Fourth place! Fourth place!

The Tropics seem to have captured

every heart in this town of underdogs.

People have poured in

from around the state...

to root for this first Megabowl

championship.

- Fourth place! Fourth place!

- It's a wonderful night for Flint...

and a wonderful night

for the Flint Fairgrounds Coliseum.

Now, Flint will be playing

without Coffee Black, their top scorer...

as the Spurs have traded for several

new players from around the ABA.

I was excited to be here

till I saw your face, Coffee.

Why's it so quiet in here?

Somebody say somethin'!

Monix, what time is it?

It's time.

It is a sold-out crowd here

at the Flint Fairgrounds Coliseum...

as the Tropics walk onto the court.

I tell you what, Dick,

this makes a lot of sense...

this heroes' welcome

for this Flint Tropics team.

This is extraordinary.

Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son...

and he has done more for this city...

than any human being

who's ever lived on this planet.

With the possible exception

of Henry Ford...

Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city,

you're right about that.

Good tip to the Spurs.

Behind the back.

And wow! A little "How do you do?"

from Markie.

That's a pretty impressive start

for the Spurs.

Running roughshod over the Tropics.

Vakidis passes to Doubleday.

Rejected.

Scootsie passes to Jackie.

Out to Twiggy, and...

Stolen by Rebenkoff.

He pulls up for a dagger...

and ouch, three points.

Yeah!

Yeah, I don't feel good about this.

I may not have brought enough Scotch.

Sh*t!

It's hard to say where the Tropics

are falling down worse tonight...

on defense or on offense.

And with Coffee Black on

the Spurs bench, the Tropics look lost.

You're goin' in, Coffee Black.

Coach, I've got back spasms.

I can't do it.

Lutz, you're in.

Jackie! C'mon. Jackie, Jackie!

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Scot Armstrong

Scot Armstrong is an American screenwriter, director, and producer. He is credited with writing or co-writing numerous comedy films, including Old School, The Hangover: Part II, Semi-Pro, Road Trip, and many others. He is also the writer and director of the 2015 film, Search Party. The film will be released in the US in May 2016. Also in 2016, his TV series, Dice, premiered on Showtime. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Semi-Pro" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 13 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/semi-pro_17766>.

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