Semi-Pro Page #9

Moon to Ellis.

Ellis to Munson.

Munson to Monix.

Three points! Monix responds!

But it will take more than one fancy

three to defeat these mighty Spurs.

This is easily the worst half

of basketball the Tropics have played...

since Monix took over as coach.

- Yeah, it's a sh*t-f***in'-sandwich, Dick.

- Let's watch the F-bomb, Lou.

With time expiring in the first half...

Monix splits the screen

with a pass to Moon.

He goes up strong...

Gets taken out by Petrelli.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone

get taken out quite that hard before.

- This looks serious.

- Damn.

Monix, you gotta hit him in the nuts!

Father Pat breaking up what

could have been total pandemonium.

Come on. Jackie? Jackie.

- Come on, back to the bench.

- Jackie?

He's got a pulse.

Let's get the stretcher.

- We don't have a stretcher.

- Jackie sold it.

- All right, well, let's get him up.

- Yeah, come on.

Let's get him in the locker room,

guys. Hurry.

Come on, come on.

Jackie's teammates doing just

an awful job of stabilizing his spine...

as they carry him off the court.

Come on, Jackie.

Yeah!

Where the hell

do you think you're goin'?

- Coffee!

You walk away from this team,

you will never play in the NBA.

That's my son! That's my son!

- Go, Clarence! Go, Clarence!

- You hear me, Coffee?

Look at this. Coffee Black

is walking over to the Tropics.

This crowd is going crazy!

Come on, Jackie, wake up.

Jackie, come on,

it's me, it's Bobby Dee.

Wake up. Come on, open 'em up.

- Hey, you got any smelling salt?

- I think we do.

- Get up.

- Jackie.

- Come on, Jackie.

- Snap out of it. Hey.

Come on, baby.

Jackie.

Mom.

- I miss you, Mama.

- I miss you too, honey.

- Come on, little fella. Jackie.

- Jackie.

Clarence, what are you doin' here?

What it look like?

I'm wit' y'all. He a'ight?

Are you outta your mind?

You wanna lose your NBA contract?

I don't care nothin' about that, man. This

is our season and we gonna finish it.

So you're gonna blow the deal for this?

- Fourth place, right?

- Right.

- Let's get Tropical.

- Right on.

Come on, buddy. Come around.

Now, I want you to go forward...

and tell the others

what I have told you here today.

Do you understand me, son?

Yes, Mama. You're so kind.

I'm sorry I stole your song.

I forgave you for that a long time ago.

Jackie, it's time you forgave yourself.

I don't wanna leave this place.

It's so fluffy.

Now hurry up,

and don't forget what I said.

OK. Bye!

Bye, Mama. Bye.

Bye.

Hey... I threw up, Mom.

I know you did, sweetie.

I threw up all by myself.

- That's workin'.

- Here we go. Come on, Jackie.

A little eye flutter. Hello, fella!

- Hey there!

- Mornin', sunshine.

We missed ya.

This just in.

It sounds like Jackie Moon is up

and around the Tropics locker room.

Then fake the pass and go straight

to the basket. Twiggy, how hard is it?

He keeps throwin' elbows.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to stand up to him,

ya p*ssy.

Monix, wait. I gotta tell

these guys somethin'.

I had a dream.

I had a dream I was in heaven.

And my mother spoke to me.

She was wearing

this flowing white gown...

and she showed me

a brand-new way to score a basket.

She called it the alley oop.

She spoke to me and she said,

"With this gift, you will win fourth place."

We are back in action here

at the Megabowl.

Coffee Black is playing for the Tropics.

Jackie makes the start here.

In fact, it looks like

he's running the offense.

What was that?

I'm sorry, I don't know

what just happened.

A very unusual series of moves

just made the ball go in.

Damn.

Yeah, I don't know why, Dick,

but I just got an erection.

Foul. No, two fouls.

Foul?! I didn't touch anybody.

Look, Jackie, people can't just

go flyin' in the air like that.

Please. My mom

wouldn't cheat in my dreams.

- What?

- She's an angel!

Heaven wants us to win this game!

- I'll burn your house down!

- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

It can't be a foul without

touchin' another player.

And it can't be traveling without

first establishing a pivot foot.

- That's right.

- It's two points, Father Pat.

It is two points.

- All right, I'm gonna allow it.

- That's the gospel.

Two points, Flint.

Are you outta your mind?

- He was floating. Is this ghost ball?

- It's legal, Coach.

- It's legal, Coach.

- What the hell is that?

Yeah!

It worked, Jackie!

Thanks, Mama!

Things are getting interesting

here in the second half.

It's the Spurs' ball

as Rebenkoff makes a shot.

Misses it.

Rebound Tropics.

There it is again.

Clarence leaping and forcing the ball in

a downward direction through the net...

off of a high arching pass.

- It's a great play.

- It sure is.

Hold on. I'm just being told

that this is called an alley oop!

Yes, that is easier to say.

Twig!

Monix passes to Jackie.

Jackie lobs to Clarence.

And then, yes! Another alley oop.

The Spurs don't know what's hit 'em.

I love the alley oop.

Yes! Yeah!

# I wanna take you higher #

# I wanna take you higher #

Here comes the alley.

And there goes the oop!

Timeout, white.

In all my years of radio,

I've never seen anything like this.

The Tropics have fought their way back

from a huge deficit...

and now with 12 seconds left

in the history of this franchise...

they are down by two,

and, man, you can feel the tension.

OK, guys, listen up.

They've made adjustments.

We can't keep runnin' the alley oop.

They're keying on Clarence.

So we're not gonna run the alley oop.

- What the hell we gonna run, then?

- The puke.

The puke?

Don't tell me you've forgotten it.

I seared it into your brains.

- This will work, OK? The puke.

- Right on.

I was gonna say exactly the same thing.

Good call. "Let's get Tropical" on three.

One, two, three.

Let's get Tropical!

We're down to the last play.

Monix inbounds to Jackie.

Jackie passes right back to Monix.

Monix back to Jackie.

The Tropics have gotta

make a move here, Dick.

Yeah, they need to find a way

to the hole and fast.

Monix finds Bee Bee.

Back door to Jackie. He goes up strong...

- Fouled hard by Petrelli!

- Eat sh*t, Petrelli!

Don't you know

how to play basketball?

Father Pat struggles to keep order...

between these two tough,

competitive teams.

All right. Black. Four-two.

With the body. Two shots.

- Come on, Jackie!

- Jackie will shoot two free throws here.

His team down by two,

with two seconds left on the clock.

All right, gentlemen.

Relax on the first one, we got two here.

Come on, Jackie.

Don't worry, guys. I got these.

I'm very good at free throws.

Seriously, free throws are probably

the best facet of my game.

What the hell are you doin', Jackie?

What, you never see me

shoot free throws before?

He's shootin' granny style.

Let 'im do his thing.

Always has.

Sh*t.

Here we go.

Jackie Moon holding the fate of Flint

in his fingertips.

- He kisses the ball for good luck.

- Sweet sugar.

It's good!

- Yes!

- Never doubted you, Jackie. Come on.

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