Sensitive Parts Page #2

maybe even worst moment.

- Like that's the kind of stuff

that would scar me for life.

That's the kind of stuff

that just makes me so nervous

about traveling, I don't wanna do it.

- Honestly, if I let

every weirdo and a**hole

scar me for life, my whole

body and soul would look

like Seal's face.

You just get over it.

- Well, what do you wanna

do now that you're back?

- Okay, I know this will

probably sound kind of crazy

coming from me, but I

feel like I might be ready

to settle down and start my real life.

- Like get pregnant?

- No, no, not, no.

I mean like get a steady

job and save some money

and maybe do some volunteer

work, or read a book

just because.

Have like a real relationship,

and be a better friend.

- Okay, you're a great friend,

but if you ever leave me again,

I'm gonna hunt you down

and I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna have you embalmed.

- So you can

have me around forever.

- No, so I can touch your

stupid face whenever I want.

- What the f***, hey!

- No, you cannot do that

to me while I'm driving,

I almost hit that guy.

Speaking of relationships,

now that you're back,

do you think you're gonna

try and ignite an old flame?

You know, like see what that

friendly ghost is up to?

- Casper, um, I don't know, I mean,

I haven't talked to him since I left,

so I don't even know what

he's up to these days.

You haven't talked to

him at all, have you?

- Nope.

- I mean, I think it would

be nice to see him again,

but I also think it

could be really awkward.

I mean, there's just so

many unresolved feelings.

- Ugh, feelings.

- Would you believe that I

still talk him online a bit,

like a little bit, like

once every two weeks.

- Of like all the wieners.

- I know, I know, of all the d*cks,

he's the one that got away.

You know what, I cannot wait to get home,

have a shower, get this plane off of me,

and then we can start

talking about tonight.

- We're gonna like tear it up,

we're gonna like party and stuff.

- And am I gonna get to meet

your new piece of man meat

tonight too?

- Uh, yes.

- I am so excited.

Whoa, sexy moves.

- Thanks, I've picked up a few.

- What about the food,.

- Tonight is the casserole,

you put in the oven

and it heats.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Sounds like a dance party in here.

- Well hello studly do me right.

- Hello, listen, I know how

much you love boxed wine

but let me introduce you to...

- Ha, bottle wine.

- Hello.

- How fancy.

- Right?

- Shenade, this is my best

friend in the whole entire world,

Shenade.

- Hey, Ryan.

- Shenade.

- She just got back from

this crazy adventure

traveling to all these crazy places.

She's amazing, she's super smart,

and she's a total sexy man eater OBVs.

- OBVs, for sure.

- Oh, and he takes people

around Wisser on tours,

and he makes really good sandwiches,

and he has some pretty neat tattoos.

- I do.

- I'm gonna have to try

one of those sandwiches.

- You like reuben's?

- Sure.

- This is so exciting

that you guys are actually

in the same room together, oh my gosh!

I have to go pee, but

you guys keep chatting

and I'll be back.

- I'll get some glasses.

- Yeah.

- Hey, how's it going out there?

- Great.

It's just really hard to

believe that people actually

like me so to have them

in the same room together

just really helps prove they're

not figments of my imagination.

- So, where exactly were you traveling?

- Europe, Amsterdam,

Barcelona, a few places.

- Yeah, and you were studying

at Dalhousie before that,

right?

- Yup.

- Cool, I've always

wanted to visit Halifax.

- You should, it's got a

really great music scene,

lots of history.

- I will, I will.

- And you, you and Delori,

were you friends before

you went there?

- Yeah, we go way back, junior high.

- Whoa, that's cool, that's really cool.

Your relationship's lasted so long,

it's like, I mean, she talks

about you all the time.

- She has a lot to say about you too.

- Good things?

- Hmm, I think she appreciates

your sense of humor.

- She's really funny.

- Yeah?

- I don't know, she makes me laugh a lot.

I really like her.

- What about you?

Traveling, what?

- Traveling, no, I mean, not really,

I mean just a couple

road trips, not too far.

I could never really

afford to go very far.

- What about school, did you

do like a tourism program

or something before betting this job?

- Nope, I went to UBC, did

some random stuff for a while,

and then dropped out, and

then actually got the job

through a friend of mine.

- You went to UBC?

- Yeah, I mean, yeah it

was like six years ago,

didn't last very long.

You didn't go to UBC, did you?

- Yeah, I mean, I started there,

but I transferred to Dal, so.

- Okay, yeah, that might be it.

- What might be it?

- Did you know Luke Sudderbee?

- I did, I went to a few of

his parties in my first year.

- Yeah.

You do look really familiar.

We didn't...

- We did, we totally had sex.

- They seemed a little awkward, I mean,

it's just really hard when people meet and

you have to introduce them

and you've gotta start

conversations, and be the facilitator.

- You're working yourself

up, just let it happen.

- I just, I don't know,

I hate being the center

of attention, it's just way too stressful.

- Better get used to being

the center of attention,

beautiful face like yours.

- I mean, I just, I can't

handle these group settings.

I just think that...

- Honey, there's two people out there.

- Yeah, well that's a company, what is it?

Three is a crowd, three is a crowd.

- Listen, they got one

major thing in common,

your sexy self.

You just gotta unite them around

their mutual love for you.

- How many people did

you have to sleep with

in order to not even recognize me?

- Your hair's all f***ing curly now,

you look totally different!

- You're not wearing my vagina beard

and I can still recognize you eventually.

- Eventually, nice.

- Okay, how drunk were you?

- I don't know, I don't remember.

I didn't have a f***ing

breathilizer with me.

- This is really bad, this

is really f***ing bad,

this is so bad.

- All right, maybe, maybe

it's not the most ideal

circumstances, you know,

but it was six years ago,

and you, I don't even know your last name.

And I barely remember you.

- Ouch.

- I don't think it's a big deal,

I think we should just

come clean right away.

We should just tell her and just f***ing,

like just quick lie a

bandaid, just f***ing rip it.

- This isn't gonna be like

a f***ing bandaid for her,

okay, it's not gonna be a bandaid,

it's gonna be like ripping off a scab and

rubbing dog sh*t in the wound.

- I just, I just don't feel

comfortable lying to her,

you know what I'm saying?

- I have known her for a very long time

and knowing this would crush her.

So if you actually care about

her like you say you do,

you will not tell her.

- Okay, tell me right now,

are you absolutely certain

that she can't handle it?

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