Serial Mom Page #3

Mrs. Sterner,

you can't go back there.

Goddamn you! You're trying

to hurt me on purpose!

Are you okay, Ralph?

Mrs. Sterner, please stay

in the waiting room.

Help me, Betty! He's worse than

the dentist in "The Marathon Man"!

I'm sorry to interrupt...

but there are two police detectives

waiting to see you in your office.

Fine.

Good morning.

What is it, officers?

- My patient is waiting.

- Doctor, is your wife a big reader?

Bird books, mostly.

Like these we found

in her garbage?

"Urge to Kill,"

"Mass Murder In Houston"?

I'm sure those are

my son Chip's books.

They're your wife's.

We checked.

She bought them at the...

"Browse and Learn Bookshop"...

along with a few other titles.

"Helter Skelter,"

"Hunting Humans. "

MasterCard reference

number 7876...

dated February fifth.

This is ridiculous!

Doctor Sutphin,

is your wife mental?

Damn these gnats!

I hate them!

Always something, isn't it?

Can I help you?

Thanks for not buying anything.

Misty, honey...

now, lighten up.

It's not the customer's fault

that Carl stood you up.

Young man,

this Faberge egg is chipped.

Yes, ma'am, it is.

I'll give you fifty dollars.

That's a Franklin Mint piece.

One hundred dollars.

Franklin Mint or not,

that's damaged goods.

- I'll take this instead.

- This is a nice one, huh?

It'll be cold before you know it.

Three dollars?

I guess that's

how I must have marked it.

Did you find your Franklin Mint egg,

Rosemary darling?

I saw one, but it was

really overpriced.

Want me to keep this

under the table for you?

If you don't mind.

It was on sale.

Franklin Mint!

Honey, please...

for my bedroom shelf.

Wrap it up for the little lady.

Here you go.

The Colts.

Banner, please.

Honey, I have to take a piss.

There you go.

Can't believe it.

F***in' Don Knotts!

He's the coolest.

Honey, look.

I made a killing.

Mom, watch the booth.

I want to see what's going on.

Sure.

I hope nothing's wrong.

You got some doo-doo

on your shoe.

I hate that!

There was a lady

in the men's room, I swear!

A pretty little lady

in the stall right next to me.

That's $158.

New York money

good enough for you?

Certainly.

It's Carl.

He's dead.

How horrible.

I just sold

the Pee-Wee Herman doll.

Didn't you hear me?

Someone murdered Carl

in the men's room.

I just saw his dead body!

You got your wish, dear.

I didn't wish that.

I didn't want him dead.

Beverly, it's me, Ted Bundy.

It's late at night,

six days before my execution...

and it's lonely

here on Death Row.

Updating the story

of the hour...

the young man brutally murdered

a short time ago...

in the men's room

of the Antique Trader's Mart...

has been identified as 22-year-old

Carl Pageant of Towson.

Our mother is Charles Manson!

I'm not kidding.

Carl stood me up this morning...

and then he was murdered

at the flea market.

Murdered?

You said you hated your teacher,

and he was murdered too.

I don't know.

Maybe Mom's nuts!

That's a cool idea, Misty.

Let's make a gore movie

about Mom.

Better yet, a TV series.

Can I borrow your mother?

My aunt's coming over for dinner...

and she's always

getting on my nerves.

My stepfather's an a**hole.

She could kill him.

How about Mrs. Ackerman?

We all hate her.

Who's gonna be

the next victim?

Stop it!

It's not funny!

Mom might do it.

Somebody else might die!

Dinner is served.

Let's say grace...

and pray for the strength

to understand...

the terrible tragedies

of the last few days.

Amen to that.

It's been a crazy day,

hasn't it?

Bless, O Lord, this food to our use

and ourself to Thy service.

Amen.

Hungry, honey?

Dottie Hinkle was right.

It is Beverly Sutphin.

I saw blood right there

on the bottom of her shoes.

Not exactly blood.

It was gore,

hanging there like a runny nose!

Nice as pie she was to me,

and then I hear her say it.

Say what, ma'am?

"Are those-"

I can't say the word out loud.

Could you tell a policewoman

the exact words she used?

Maybe.

It's okay.

Nobody's gonna hurt you.

Come on. Let it out.

"P*ssy. " That's what she said to me.

"P*ssy willows. "

You know, Mom...

Scotty thinks you're the killer.

Does he?

For someone who doesn't wear

his seat belt...

Scotty sure is nosy!

Just a second.

She's gone!

She's gonna kill Scotty!

Get in the car, both of you.

You don't think she did it,

do you?

I do. Mom's gone crazy!

Your mother may have

some problems, that's all.

Come on. Hurry!

Detective Gracey

and all units...

suspect's family headed east

on Calverton.

Repeat:
east on Calverton.

Turn right on Timonium Road.

- I will.

- Hurry!

If Mom's psycho, Scotty will

still be okay, won't he?

We hope so, son.

And no matter what your mother is,

we'll love her anyway.

This is Scotty's, Dad.

His parents aren't home.

Come on.

What was that?

I didn't hear anything.

- Got any dessert?

- Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you.

- What's he know?

- How to send a bill.

I'll get the door.

Suspect's family entering house.

Send backup

to 400 Sycamore Street.

I have a feeling

old Mom's inside.

Wheel...

Of...

Fortune.

Bill, "Wheel of Fortune" is on.

I'm still eatin'.

Come on up, honey.

Before the kids get home.

- Ralph.

- What is it, Betty?

I think we got mice

or something.

No, we paid the exterminator.

It's upstairs.

I'm going in. Over.

It's the door on the left.

Break it down!

Police! Freeze!

Betty, answer me!

Help, police!

Help me, please!

Police!

Help me, somebody!

Home, sweet home.

Everything's fine, kids.

I can't believe I thought

my own mother was a murderess.

I'm kind of disappointed

she isn't.

For a while it was like

being in the movies.

Anybody for dessert?

Strawberries.

Let's go.

Dad, you said

it would be okay.

Make them go away.

This is embarrassing!

Just pay no attention

to the police.

It's all a terrible mistake.

Do you think

we'll get on "A Current Affair"?

Sutphin family proceeding west

on Seminary Avenue. Over.

Beverly ain't goin' nowhere

this time!

She's headed for church.

- I say we nail her. Over.

- Negative.

D.A. says no bust

until lab report is back...

matching suspect's fingerprints

on "True Crime" books...

with those on scissors

and fire poker.

The senseless killing last night...

of a Towson couple,

Ralph and Betty Sterner...

brings to a total of four murders...

police feel may have been

committed by Baltimore's...

first serial killer.

Beverly!

Not the Sterners!

It's a shame! But they should have

brushed their teeth, shouldn't they?

This just in:

Police Lieutenant Ronald Hadler...

has publicly named a suspect...

in the serial killer case,

and it's a shocker!

She- that's right, she-

has been identified as...

- Beverly R. Sutphin-

- Oh, really!

God! Now I'll never

get a boyfriend!

Beverly, I've read

all about this.

Is it menopause?

Tell me the truth, Mom.

Really, it's okay with me.

Are you a serial killer?

The only cereal I know anything

about is Rice Krispies!

Don't worry. We're gonna get you

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