Set It Up Page #10

---

[sniffles]

I spent so much time there.

And I never wrote a single article.

Now Kirsten hates me.

And she'll never help me.

I'm bad at this.

I've been trying to write the same article

for months, Becca.

And it's so bad I can't finish it.

[sighs]

Ow!

Of course

your first draft is gonna be bad.

It's gonna be terrible.

Then you know what you do, Harper?

You go back and you make it better.

But you can't make it better

until you actually do it.

You're not a bad writer yet.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

and just write something bad.

Yes, Kirsten was mean.

But you learned so much from her.

You just never had the time to use it.

And now, bud, you got the time.

So, get off your bony little ass

and just do it!

- Okay.

- Okay.

I'm gonna write...

the shittiest article ever written.

Yes. It's gonna suck ass.

I can't wait to read it.

Okay. I got this.

Okay. Okay. Yes. Okay.

Are you cleaning this up?

Are we gonna hire someone?

I am not leaving this chair

until I write an entire article.

- Great. That's great news for me.

- Can I get some free chips and water?

[Suze] I always wanted to eat here.

This is where Kim

threw Kanye's half-birthday party.

Our best table.

This is exciting.

Mm.

Oh, my God.

This is the best meal I've ever had.

The best meal I ever had

was a $5 pizza thrown up a fire escape.

What?

This sucks.

This whole place sucks.

It smells weird. It's far too quiet.

And this steak is delicious.

It is not worth $70.

And you and I,

we never talk about anything.

I don't want to wanna be an a**hole.

You sound insane.

Just eat your steak.

If my 15-year-old self would see me now,

he would punch me in the dick.

I don't wanna do this anymore, Suze.

But you're my backup.

Mm.

You know what?

Order whatever you want, on me.

What am I doing? You're not

my girlfriend anymore. Give me that.

I'm not Rockefeller.

[cell phone buzzing]

Harper. You were right.

We can't let them do this.

I'm going to JFK.

Meet me at the terminal.

It's the cheap one.

Don't have time. Leaving the coat.

I need a taxi.

I gotta get to the airport right now.

I gotta stop someone from getting married.

Flight leaves in... Oh.

I got, like, four hours.

And we've been to Times Square. What about

museums? Should we go to the Met?

Do you like beautiful art that makes you

re-examine what it means to be human?

- Yeah.

- Then, yeah. The Met's worth it.

In fact, it may still be open

if you go right... Oh, my God.

I did the over-dick-around thing.

Sorry.

Rick?

Hey. Did I forget something?

Yeah. That you're a bastard.

I don't wanna be like you.

I'm not gonna be.

I don't want the promotion. I quit.

Okay.

Kirsten? Don't marry him.

[chuckles]

Do it, honey. Go with the young guy.

Oh, no. No, no.

I mean, she's a very handsome woman.

Just...

- Not what's going on here.

- Charlie. You're fired as f***.

I literally just quit.

Kirsten, I know you don't know me,

but I know you,

because all Harper does is talk about you.

And even when she's complaining about you,

she's really complimenting you.

I know how hard you work

and what a badass you are,

and I know you don't put up with any sh*t.

So, don't put up with his.

I don't know what you think you're getting

out of this, but you deserve better.

You are better.

Oh, my God. Gave myself goose bumps.

He's crazy. You realize that?

Hmm?

What's my favorite food?

Your favorite... It's steak tartare.

It's green curry, you douche-tard.

She likes it medium-spicy

from Thai Leaf on Broadway.

What's my favorite place?

Kiki, I ca... [clears throat]

This is ridiculous.

Why are we...?

Kirsten.

Your name is Kirsten.

Squam Lake, New Hampshire,

you douche-tard.

Charlie,

I know you're no longer his assistant,

but could you please strike "wedding"

from his calendar?

Absolutely.

Are you being serious?

No. Kiki's short for Kirsten.

I finished.

I finished.

The whole article.

I finished it.

From beginning to end.

I finished it. I finished the whole thing.

You, sir, are a hero and scholar,

and are about to receive the greatest tip

in the history of the service industry.

Technically, I don't have my wallet on me.

Tomorrow...

Leave this place and never return.

[whispers] I did it.

[knock on door]

Hey.

- What do you want?

- You live here?

It's disgusting.

Hold up. Hold up, hold up.

I'm sorry. I just...

I, uh...

I need some information on, uh, my wife.

My ex-wife.

Like what?

Uh...

I got some written down here.

Uh, assorted favorites,

as in, uh, favorite foods,

- flowers, clothing...

- Are you serious?

Look, I realize I should know this.

But you used to do all this stuff for me.

I want her back.

I have an old Kiki file.

- I'll send it over to you.

- [exhales]

Thank you. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- I really appreciate this.

- Rick.

- You still work for this guy?

- Nope.

It's soy. Nice seeing you, Rick.

[Charlie] Bye, Rick.

- Hi.

- Oh.

Thank God you're here.

I can't find that piece

on lesbian soccer players in Nigeria.

Probably in your "deleted" folder.

- I can't find Julie's number.

- You made me change it

- to Satan in your contacts.

- Come back to work.

What?

You crossed every line ever.

I genuinely considered setting you up

for white-collar crime

and just letting you rot in jail.

But I understand in some ways

what you were trying to do.

You're not an unintelligent person.

I don't know how you did all this.

This place is falling apart without you.

Come back and do it with me.

I learned so much from you.

You're my hero.

But if I wanna actually be a writer, I

have to stop making excuses not to write.

So, I can't be your assistant.

But I'd love to help you find a new one.

You're fired again.

- I have to get my stuff. This is awkward.

- Have you written anything?

Have I written anything? Yes.

I have written something.

It's just... It's right here.

Let's go over it.

- Tell me something I don't know.

- Okay.

- "Twilight Champions."

- Yeah, but that title is...

- No, I like it. I love the title.

- I like it, too. I could like it.

This is about the geriatric Olympiads?

If I spend too much time

on Gilda in the beginning,

people will know that she's gonna die.

Let her death be a twist.

Hold off until

after Harry wins his first med...

Hi.

Hi.

So, what are you doing here?

Oh, Kirsten told me to meet her.

What are you doing here?

Oh, my God.

- She Cyrano'd us.

- Yes, she...

I Googled it.

So, I know what it means now.

Why are you dressed like that?

I don't work here anymore.

I quit working for Rick.

Starting over. At 28.

Actually, I'm a temp,

which is technically lower

on the totem pole than an assistant,

which is kind of a kick in the nuts.

But it's, um, kind of cool.

I get to see a bunch of different jobs.

Find out what I actually like.

I like you.

So, so much.

You're not hard to get at all.

You're hard to earn.

It's so much better.

You displayed a total lack of character

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes