Seven Dwarfs Page #4

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And the beard has got to go.

A horseshoe.

A good luck charm.

My God, you smell like a pig.

And you're covered in muck.

Don't tell Brummboss, don't tell Snow

White, we're having a party tonight!

Wieners, kraut and beer galore...

Till you can peel us off the floor!

You're throwing a party?

On the anniversary of THAT night?

No. Where did you get that idea?

This isn't a party.

Where do you want the fireworks?

Okay, maybe it's a tiny little party.

Snow White is turning 18 today.

I knew it.

I knew it the moment I saw her.

When your caps stood up and

mine didn't. You know what that means?

Doesn't mean anything.

That's normal for men your age.

What are you standing around for?

We have a party to prepare!

Bring on the Chianti and Frascati,

we're gonna have ourselves a party!

Come on, come on.

What? Two addresses?

Two doors?

- I can see that. - I beg your pardon.

How do I look?

Unrecognizable, my quee...

From now on I'm Mr. King!

- Mr. King, of course.

Ring!

- Ring, ring, Mr. King.

One moment.

Yes?

Good day to you!

My, what lovely hair.

Wouldn't you say?

Hello, Mr. King.

And your skin! Like a fresh peach,

merrily making its way

through the thicket and...

growing towards the rays of the sun.

And those glamorous, glossy...

shiny lips.

Don't exaggerate. Beauty is fleeting.

That's true. Ugliness is forever.

My dear! I'm sure you want...

to hold on to yours

as long as possible.

That's why we're here. How old am I?

I don't know. Early forties?

Right! And how old do I look?

Late forties.

Wrong. Early thirties.

And what do I owe that to?

The Forever Young Fresh Box!

Quells wrinkles and graying hair...

before they wrinkle and gray!

The Forever Young Fresh Box!

I've been sleeping in it every night...

since my 18th birthday.

And this is the result.

I'm turning 18 today!

Congratulations!

That means you are eligible for

our happy birthday discount!

If you wish to try it...

- No, thanks.

Put a lid on it! And off with her!

Fresh-boxed!

Hello?

She's coming, she's not coming...

If she doesn't come soon,

I'll have to throw the food out.

Who does she think she is!

Sh*t! Why are chicks always late?

You're not supposed to say

the bad word! - "Sh*t"? - No, "late".

Does she know we're having a party?

Of course not, it's a surprise.

Let's celebrate at home.

Follow me, boys.

How long is this going to take?

And what's with the shaking?

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you!

Surprise! Surprise!

The towel...

Still wet...

Very suspicious.

Where is she?

This is impossible.

I got it! I got it!

She's not here.

But where is she?

I'm asking you.

- Why me?

You hated her. She's the better cook.

- Who hit her with a board?

Not me.

I see. I won't be saying "Check."

My, I hope

nothing bad happened to her.

She probably got sick

of your claptrap.

That's enough! Boys!

We have a new problem.

She's been kidnapped.

Do you know what that means?

Nope.

Emergency meeting!

We're going to rescue her.

- Yes!

If it's the last thing we do.

- Yes!

The enemy is not completely harmless.

I know her well.

And you're about to meet her.

But we will fight.

But we don't know how.

- So you'll learn!

Yes, sir!

Attention!

What is the basic virtue

of a fighter dwarf?

Strict discipline!

Why?

Because your commander says so!

On my command:
To the right!

To the left!

First!

I had a feeling it was coming.

At ease!

How does that work?

"Standing still" is out.

"Movement" is in.

Miniwiches, anyone?

Not now!

A song, two, three, four.

Sunny day, wishing the clouds away.

Hold it! What's with the whining,

you crybabies?

You're like a bunch of girls.

A real song, for real guys!

Two, three, four...

"We're tiny. We're toony.

We're driving...

...the Queen looney!"

"If you're happy and you know it:

- Clap your hands.

We're the new kids on the block!

And Tshakko has the smallest..."

Dismissed! I've just about had it.

Who's there? I see someone.

Spliss, why aren't you dancing?

First I'd have to get rid of her...

- Get rid? Of me? Are you nuts?

No, not Her Majesty. Her.

In the box.

- Hello?

What are we going to do with her?

- No imagination, eh?

I think it's time for a makeover.

And mount!

Follow me, boys.

Spliss!

I'm not coming out

without my old crown.

Just have a look at the new one.

- No!

Come on.

All right, fine.

It looks cheap.

But it didn't cost much.

- Oh. Okay.

I have to go.

- He has to go. - He has to go.

He has to go. - He has to go.

- He has to go. - Later.

Later. - Later. - Later. - Later.

Too late.

Get in!

Hey there, got a light?

Thanks.

The Queen's stronghold.

Real strong. We'll need a locksmith.

We'll have to proceed on foot.

We have to split up. Don't ask why.

- Why?

I'll tell you:

I was not born a dwarf.

- What?

But I became one on THAT night,

when my life took a fateful turn.

It should have been

the happiest night of my life.

My beloved wife and I were expecting...

our first child that very night.

Many hours passed.

Then the door opened,

and I was to learn the awful truth.

My wife?

Is she?

And my child?

Is it?

What was that?

- That was me.

Then I don't want to be king anymore.

I'd already knitted this cap.

For my child...

The King is leaving!

The King is abdicating!

Who's going to?

Not the child?

What child? Dispose of it!

Whoever has the crown...

is king!

Long live the Queen!

That means, you are?

So you're not really?

And Snow White is your?

So you're not coming back with us?

Can I have your stuff?

Enough of the maudlin antics.

Go storm the castle.

I'll try and find my daughter.

You have a daughter?

How are we going to get

into the castle? - No problem.

I carry a ram for moments like this.

All right, men!

Let's storm the castle.

We're taking back Snow White.

We'll never give up.

- No, we won't!

Not even under torture.

- No?

Or if they kill us.

They can tear out our fingernails.

- What?

Or pull out our teeth.

They can even crimp our hair.

We shall never surrender.

Onwards, men!

Stop, stop, stop.

- What now?

Nothing.

- Fascinating. Let's go.

Maybe we should sleep on it?

Besides, on an empty stomach...

I could whip up some wieners.

- Silence in the ranks. Let's attack!

Who's knocking?

What do you want?

To get in?

As the doorman,

I hold a clear and simple vision:

No one gets in.

I told you. Violence is no solution.

Yo, a**hole.

Who are you, anyway?

We're the seven dwarves.

Seven dwarves?

There's only six of you.

Impossible.

One, two, three, four, five.

Oh, I get it. You're here to apply.

JESTER CASTING:

Yes, yes, yes.

I thought dwarves were smaller.

Most people think that.

- A common misconception.

Sh*t, man, prejudice!

I know what that's like.

Yep!

Seven dwarves, but only six. Yes, yes.

Seven dwarves, but only six! I get it!

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