Seven Psychopaths Page #5

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At the time, I thought it had to be done.

I'm not so sure anymore.

Course it had to be done. He killed your kid.

You had to f*** him over

by any means necessary.

Well, as Gandhi said...

Oh, you two. If it ain't Gandhi,

it's Jesus Christ.

"An eye for an eye

leaves the whole world blind."

I believe that wholeheartedly.

No, it doesn't.

There'll be one guy left with one eye.

How's the last blind guy

gonna take out the eye

of the last guy left who's still got one eye?

All that guy has to do is run away

and hide behind a bush.

Gandhi was wrong.

It's just that nobody's got the balls

to come right out and say it.

Hans, I'm trying to write something about

the kinds of things you're talking about.

Yeah. Would you like

to help write it with me?

- You said I could help write it with you.

-Yeah, we can all help write it with me.

He doesn't even wanna help write it with you.

His wife just died.

I don't mind helping,

as long as it isn't gonna be too violent.

- Of course it's gonna be too violent.

-That's the whole point.

I told you 20 times, Billy,

I don't want it to be violent.

- I want it to be life-affirming.

-Life-affirming? Schmife-affirming!

- It's about seven f***ing psychopaths!

-Hey!

No, you know what I think

the movie should be?

The first half should be a perfect setup

for an out-and-out revenge flick.

- Yeah.

-Violence. Guns.

All the usual bullshit. And then...

I don't know, man, it's...

The lead characters should just walk away.

They should just drive off into the desert

and pitch a tent somewhere

and just talk for the rest of

the frigging movie.

No shoot-outs, no payoffs.

Just human beings talking.

What, are we making French movies now?

That sounds like the stupidest ending.

No shoot-outs?

That sounds like the stupidest ending

to a movie I've ever f***ing...

No shoot-outs?

I???

Wow.

Now if we were gonna have a shoot-out,

that'd be the perfect place.

I know we're not gonna have a shoot-out.

I'm just saying

if we were gonna have a shoot-out.

Jesus. Gandhi. Joseph.

Martin, I've been reading your movie.

- What do you think?

-Your women characters are awful.

None of them have anything

to say for themselves.

And most of them get either shot

or stabbed to death within five minutes.

And the ones that don't

probably will later on.

Well...

It's a hard world for women. You know?

- And I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

-Yeah, it's a hard world for women,

but most of the ones I know

can string a sentence together.

Didn't you like anything in it?

- You know who I'm intrigued by?

-Who's that?

This Vietnamese guy with the hooker.

Is it like a dream sequence'?

No. The Vietnamese guy...

I just know his story

ain't gonna end in nothing

but carnage and horror and...

So I didn't even wanna write it.

He's not even a priest.

I just like the image of a Vietnamese guy

in a priest's outfit with a snub-nosed .44.

Anyway, his story is...

He was in the Vietcong for many years.

A brilliant warrior but a sicko. A psycho.

And when the war was ended,

he returned to his little farming village

with all intentions of living a peaceful life

with his wife and daughters.

But the little farming village

he came from was called

My Lai.

And his wife wasn't there anymore.

And his daughters weren't there anymore.

And he ventured to the USA to track down

all the members of Charlie Company

who raped and butchered

his whole entire family.

You see where I'm going with this, right?

Well, he'd already slaughtered six of them

by the time he got to Phoenix,

where some kind of convention

was about to be held

on the rights and wrongs of the Vietnam War.

And he's got a big bomb with him

that he's gonna strap to a hooker

and send her

into the middle of this convention.

So this is the night that we meet him,

and the hooker's there in her panties.

And, like I said, there's no way

that story's ending but grimly.

That's a great f***ing psychopath, Marty.

Yeah. But it's not what I wanna

really be writing about anymore.

New idea. How about we change the title

from the Seven Psychopaths

to the Seven Lesbians Who Are All Disabled

And Have Overcome All This Spazzy Sh*t

And Are Really Nice To Everybody

And Two Of 'Em Are Black?

How about that?

I'm out here in the wilderness

trying to think about some ideas.

Anyway, the way I picture your screenplay,

especially with this Vietnamese guy who,

of course, I'm fascinated by.

Pressure. Pressure.

I'm a little nervous.

Okay, everybody comfortable?

Cell phones off, right?

Okay, here we go.

Exterior.

Cemetery. Night.

The shoot-out. Yeah!

The Jack O' Diamonds

is waiting there with Bonny,

and he's arranged to give him back

and have this whole thing end

because all he really wants is peace.

You know,

like Gandhi or Jesus or that other guy.

Anyway, he's waiting there

for the Mafia boss,

who's agreed to show up alone

and unarmed. But, yeah, guess what?

Wait, wait a minute.

Surely he knows that

the Mafia boss is a psycho?

Why would he believe

he'd show up alone and unarmed?

- You know?

-Yeah.

Exactly!

Maybe the Jack O' Diamonds

was expecting to get double-crossed

because he just happens to have

brought a couple of friends along.

Suddenly, from out of every f***ing grave

burst the seven psychopaths,

a gun in every hand.

Flamethrower! Who the f*** is that?

It's the Vietcong guy.

He was hiding up a tree.

You! You're there, but you're just there

to observe, and that's all right.

Nobody thinks you're a p*ssy.

But it's started raining now.

Lightning.

And oh, no, look who's wandered in

like a f***ing idiot.

It's Kaya. She's come to say sorry to you,

and she loves you,

and that she didn't mean

to be such a f***ing b*tch.

You scream out, "Kaya! Stay back!"

Too late, she's f***ing mown down.

F***ing mown down!

Her head almost comes off.

Her head does come off. You scream out

her name, all sad, and she dies.

You throw your notepad away.

Art and peace and all that sh*t can wait!

Now's the time for men to be men!

"F*** you, you c*nts!"

It's really emotional.

And then... Hold on.

Yeah...

The black chick from the serial killer killers.

She fought good, but she's the next to croak.

Zachariah dies, too. He buys it.

Dies in her arms. And they die and

they're old and mental, and so much in love.

You know, it's really sad.

But his rabbit gets away, though,

because you can't let the animals

die in a movie. Just the women.

Anyway, guns, guns, guns!

Blam, blam, blam.

The Vietcong gets hit. Then he dies,

and he never even had a f***ing name,

and he's so good.

With his dying move,

he throws his nunchakus

and he kills two of the bastards.

Nunchakus are Japanese.

So the only ones left are you

and Hans.

Peace is for queers.

And now you're gonna die.

But the Jack O' Diamonds isn't dead at all.

He was just a bit injured and

he had a f***ing crossbow up his sleeve.

That's not enough,

so he pulls out a shotgun.

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