Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll Page #7

All right, louder. Everybody louder.

Louder! Louder!

Go crazy! Go crazy with it! Come on.

Louder!

I think that went really well.

Thank you so much.

I had a fight with a guy

called Jimmy Coghill behind that tree.

Did you really?

Did you win?

No, he knocked

seven tons of sh*t out of me.

There was an orderly here by the name

of Hargreaves. Is he still going?

I'm sorry, Ian. It was a while ago,

but Mr Hargreaves took his own life.

He hanged himself

up in one of the attics.

Yeah, it's very sad.

That has made my day, that has.

-See you.

-Yeah, thanks again.

I don't know who you are any more.

But you know what I really can't take?

It's the hope.

The hope that it's gonna get better.

It's not, is it?

Everything's out of joint.

I don't really know

if I've got the bollocks to stop it.

You've got to get out of here, Denny.

Run away.

And you got to do it all by yourself.

You'll still be my gracious, my family.

And if you ever forget that,

act sorry for yourself,

I'll come back

and I'll bleedin' well haunt you.

You understand?

Hello, it's Graham,

from the Spastics Society.

We spoke on the phone.

"Full participation and equality

for all." That's the motto.

This United Nations

Year of the Disabled

is a tremendous opportunity, you know,

to make people really sit up and think.

Of course, we're going to need

all the help we can get, so. ..

Wouldn't it be wonderful

if you could get back on top again?

Maybe you get a new song,

maybe another hit single. Who knows?

-The UN are very keen.

-Are they?

I understand you've been dabbling

in a spot of acting.

Oh, yeah, I've played a few villains

in me time. Typecast.

Well, here's an opportunity

to introduce yourself all over again.

You know, a new fan base,

new beginnings.

Oh, dear.

Your friend seems to have gone.

Well, look, you seem to be

in a spot of trouble.

May I give you a lift?

Yeah. That'd be great.

It's really. ..

It's really great to have you back.

The prodigal son returns.

To be a geezer like me, you got to be

a bit of a selfish loony, really.

Can't bother too much

about day and night

and right and wrong and so forth.

And occasionally one's behaviour

makes one ashamed of oneself.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

Anyway, this Year of the Disabled. ..

Got a chance now to get back on top.

Proper deals going down, so. ..

So, what have you got?

# When Tessie Trouble's on patrol

# And Suzie Sadness makes you blue

# When Lennie Love

come through the door

Well, it's not

Sex, Drugs & Rock & Roll, is it?

Bollocks,

bollocks, bollocks.

F***ing Year of Disabled.

I mean, it's like, what?

Like, last year we was fine

and next year is going to be great,

but this year, just this year,

oh, we're all gonna be a right bunch

of f***ing cripples, aren't we, eh?

Why don't we just form a band?

I know, I know, we can call ourselves

Spastic and the Autistics.

Oi, oi! You dribblin', wibblin',

scribblin', cripplin' little

f***ing hobblin', wobblin', bobblin'

fantastic spastic!

I like it.

And welcome back.

Well, we all like a bit of jazz, don't we?

And so, turning to our next item

and that's the continuing controversy

surrounding the United Nations

Year of the Disabled.

We're going to hear from lan Drury,

the housewife's favourite punk rocker,

the man who put the phrase

"sex & drugs & rock & roll"

into the English language,

and whose new song

Spasticus Autisticus

has been labelled outrageous

and offensive.

We also have with us Graham Hart

from the Spastics Society

to talk about full participation

in the Year of the Disabled.

-Hello, there.

-So, turning to you first, Ian Drury. ..

First of all, it's not Drury

or Dreary or Doory, it's Dury.

But I would like to say that, yeah,

I think we should all fully participate

in holding Graham down and

chopping off his tiny little bollocks

-for being a spineless little sh*t.

-Right, Ian, thank you.

I don't think this is the time

or the place.

No, it's not the time or the

place. You're right. It never is, is it?

I'm terribly sorry.

Will you excuse me, please?

-Bandit!

-No, nobody has banned anything.

No, you. You're a bandit.

You're a chiseller.

Well, they don't ban cripples, either,

do they, eh?

They just make it difficult for them

to function.

The song is still being played

on current affairs programmes.

Great! Yeah, that's great!

Late at night when all the raspberries

are tucked up in bed,

oh, not doing any harm to anybody.

Yes, well, it was found offensive.

How could I go up to somebody, right,

who's got the same disabilities as me

and be offensive?

No, not disabled people so much, no.

Well, it wasn't written for you, was it?

Eh? The walkie-talkies!

It's a war cry type of item,

like "Spartacus!"

Yes, well, if I remember correctly,

Spartacus was crucified.

Yeah, I'll be in good company, then,

won't I?

Look, it was felt that what you've

written just isn't very sympathetic.

Sympathetic?

Life ain't sympathetic, right?

I'm not Tiny Tim. I am Ian Dury.

People like me do not want sympathy.

They want respect.

It's a waste. Okay?

People felt you had the opportunity

to do something remarkable.

Your crowning glory, to be remembered

after you've long gone.

I do not give a sh*t.

I don't care if I'm as popular

as a Chinese pig in a synagogue.

I am not here to be remembered,

I'm here to be alive!

So you take your Dis-United Nations,

right,

and your Year of Dissembling and

stick it right up your f***ing 'arris.

C*nt.

Keep your body strong,

keep your guard up.

Ian, I need a rest. Ow.

Clive and I want to be together.

We don't wanna rush into that.

Look what happened last time.

Some blokes turn out to be

an absolute nightmare.

I want a divorce, Ian.

I still love you.

It's not about love, silly.

It's not your choice.

Let me go.

Go on, you're fired.

Darling.

Getting better.

You're not gonna shout at me again,

are you?

You actually been in yet?

Oh, easy, tiger.

-How's Mum?

-She's fine. She's gonna be fine.

Look, it's done.

We had to let Strangler go,

'cause, well, the dramas backstage

were getting better

than the actual show.

Son, I'm sorry.

Close your eyes.

Go on. Go on. Close your eyes.

Can you feel that?

Well, that's my hand.

From now until forever,

I will always be there.

Just above your shoulder.

All right?

I'll tell you what, though.

I've just been offered a part in a film.

To play an undernourished villain

who wins in the end through love.

You could come with.

Be my assistant. If you like.

-Don't you wanna watch me swim?

-Nah. You'll be all right.

Just remember, keep your head up,

keep kicking, try not to drown.

"When a free man dies,

he loses the pleasure of life.

"A slave loses his pain.

"Death is the only freedom

a slave knows.

"That's why he's not afraid of it.

"That's why we'll win. .."

Sit properly.

-Eat your fish.

-No! It's horrible.

What did you say?

You do as you're told.

I said, I ain't eating that,

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