Sex Ed Page #3

about other people jizzing on you.

So, why were you

attracted to me?

I think maybe it's because you're

so willing to call me on my sh*t...

that you'll tell me

other people jizzed on you.

I'm pretty awesome

that way, right?

See, this is what I want...

what you guys have.

See, but if you want this,

you got to make it rain.

I have just the girl.

Who? She was a senior

when we were freshmen.

Crazy. And I don't think

she's changed since college.

Really? Oh, she will get the job done.

What is wrong

with you guys?

All right, guys,

today we're gonna learn

about the human body.

Now, I know there's a lot of slang

terms out there for body parts.

- Like "poontang. "

- Please be quiet, Leon.

It's important for you to know and

understand the scientific terms...

so that you have respect for your

bodies and for the bodies of others.

That's why in this class we're only gonna

use the proper names for the body parts.

So let's start

with the female anatomy.

Here we have

the labia majora.

Let me hear you say it.

Let's all get comfortable

with it here.

Labia majora.

Good.

Yes, Leon.

- Is it always called labia majora?

- Yes, Leon.

What if it's

kind of droopy?

It's always the labia majora.

- What if it looks like lunch meat?

- It's still the labia majora.

What if it looks

like a baby's face frowning?

That... That's still

labia majora.

- Well, what if it... - Leon, it will

always be labia majora. Okay?

I'm just saying, man, I seen some sh*t

that I would not call labia majora.

- Last warning, Leon. - Man, let me

know when you find your tiny dick.

It's right above

your tiny balls.

Ooh.

Principal's office now.

- No, no, no. Mr...

- I warned you, Leon. Go!

Please, Mr. Cole,

my dad will kill me.

Go, Leon.

I was just talking.

You should know

better, Leon. I'm sorry.

You have a dirty mouth.

A dirty,

dirty mouth.

I taught you better than

that. You should know better.

You know better.

Sir, um,

I'm Eddie Cole.

I run the after-school

academic program.

Reverend Marcus Hamilton.

You're not gonna wash

your hands? Excuse me.

I apologize

for my son's behavior.

It's really not that big a

deal. It's just kids being kids.

So, what have the kids

been learning?

Uh, well, we are

taking some time...

to just talk about general

adolescent health issues.

What do you mean by that?

Well, uh,

Leon and the other kids

are going through puberty,

and they don't really understand

what's happening to them.

So... So you're telling my

son about his pubic hair?

No.

You don't think that I can

explain pubic hair to my own son?

No, of course not.

Believe me when I say...

I have a thorough

understanding of pubic hair.

And that these types of

discussions should be had at home...

between a parent

and child.

Not with some teacher that I barely

know and certainly don't trust.

I understand.

Come on, Leon.

What's up, honey? Hey.

I'm meeting a girl here.

Oh, all right.

Blind date.

Oh, I think she's here.

Hey.

Trish. You're Eddie. Hi.

Hi.

Oh.

Nice to meet you.

Sorry.

That's okay.

Wow. This is

a cool spot.

Yeah.

So, what's go...

up with you?

Not much.

I was just gonna say

your blouse is really nice.

Oh, thank you. It's a

good color. Good color.

Black.

- Can I get you something?

- Uh, shots. Thanks.

We'll get this party started. Okay.

Right?

Yeah.

What do you like to drink?

Everything.

They have

everything here. Mmm.

So, do you, like...

do you, like, sip?

'Cause I...

Like, the big cup sometimes...

Oh, that's how you... Okay. Mm-hmm.

And the parents are working, and

they cut after-school programs.

It's important.

I need to teach them.

Why don't you

teach me something?

Huh?

Oh, what do you

wanna learn?

Come on, Mr. Teacher.

Huh?

You show me

what you're made of.

Get up.

Whoo!

Whoop. Oh, I don't

think we should do that.

It's all clear.

Wait? In here? Here.

Come on.

Back here.

Come on.

Wait. We should go

to my apartment.

Mm-mmm.

Do you have

a nice dick?

Yeah.

Yeah?

I bet your dick

tastes like candy.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah?

What kind of candy?

Mmm. It's

dick-flavored candy.

Mmm. I like that.

Right.

What?

Why are guys

always using me?

What?

You only like me because you

know I give good blow jobs.

Don't... No, no. I didn't

know that. I didn't know it.

Well, I do.

They're really good.

Great. I used to give JT blow jobs.

I thought

I loved him,

but he only

loved blow jobs.

You're a really

nice person.

You're... You're...

You're such a nice person.

We don't have

to get physical right now.

Oh, no, it's okay.

And I am

such a freak sometimes.

Just pull your dick out.

No. No, it's fine.

It's okay.

Just pull it out.

We're good. We're good.

I really...

I really think...

We're fine. It's okay.

Oh.

Got it.

Okay.

You're gay.

You are gay.

Hmm.

No.

Okay. Well...

She called me gay.

Oh, my God.

You're upset about that?

Yes, I am.

Why?

That girl was served up

to me on a silver platter.

Oh, please. When Tonya

Harding walked in here,

you looked at her

like she was born out of an egg.

You were not interested.

Yeah, I didn't

really like her, but...

Sometimes you got to lower

your standards. You know?

No, I don't know.

You think when I pull a man's

pants down and I see a tiny penis,

that I'm like, "Ahh.

This micro-dick will do?

Girl's gotta eat. "

Sh*t. F*** that sh*t.

I... I haven't been with

a girl in basically forever.

So?

So?

It makes you a dude who hasn't

had his bird wet in a while.

That don't mean sh*t.

I'm 23,

and I feel like I'm 15.

I'm broke. I don't have the job I want.

I don't have a girl.

I just... I feel like I'm

waiting for life to start for me.

Let me tell you something.

You wanna be a man?

You wanna scratch

the surface of life?

Stop moping.

Because that's not

what men do.

Life will start for you

when you start it for yourself.

Sit up.

Okay, today we're gonna talk about

sexually transmitted diseases.

Can anybody

name one?

Yes.

The clap.

The clap. Right.

The clap is slang

for gonorrhea.

- Any others?

- Crabs.

Crabs. Right.

Crabs is slang

for pubic lice.

- All right. Anybody else?

- The green drip.

Green drip.

I think you're talking

about chlamydia.

Cool. More.

I think that

is every S.T.D.

I think

we got 'em, Fish.

So abstinence...

not having sex at all...

is the only way to completely prevent

the transmission of these diseases,

but if you do become

sexually active,

wearing a condom

can help reduce your risk.

Man, that's like wearing

a raincoat in the shower.

Watch it, Leon.

My brother says that condoms are for

people who are afraid to ride dirty.

Okay.

Well, right now these are

just names on the board.

Let's put a face

to these diseases.

Using condoms can keep this kind

of stuff from happening to you.

I'm not a rawdogger.

I don't wanna be.

So, who wants to learn

how to put on a condom?

That's what I thought.

All right, everybody come

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