Sex Ed Page #4

up here and grab a banana...

or a cucumber

and a couple condoms.

# I got a thing on my mind #

# Sure 'nough gonna find it #

# I got a thing on my mind #

# Sure 'nough gonna find it #

# Don't let nobody tell me #

# My thing,

it won't come true #

# 'Cause I ain't lying down #

# Till I get my dues #

# I got a thing on my mind #

# I'm sure 'nough

gonna find it #

# I got a thing on my mind #

If I wanna go out

with a girl,

how many dates do I need to take

her out on before we have sex?

You're pretty young

to be having sex.

You can probably wait a

few years, and that's okay.

No, but I wanna

have sex.

I understand.

A lot of people do, but...

I mean, there's just...

there's really no rush.

I've been dating this girl,

Margarita, for a while,

and so far all I've

gotten are hand jobs.

Well, that's pretty advanced

for someone your age.

I hate hand jobs.

They're so rough.

Look, the bottom line is

that you shouldn't rush it.

It will happen

when the time is right.

Dude, I watch

this stuff on the Internet,

and it's like these guys

just start banging right away.

- What are you watching on the Internet?

- It's the one with the van.

It's called Bangbus.

These two guys go around and...

Tito, that kind of stuff

isn't real.

Girls just aren't gonna jump

in a van and have sex with you.

But it seems pretty real.

They go to places like the mall.

They look just like the mall.

Hey, let's talk

about this later.

Hey.

So, you know, you're officially

Tito's favorite teacher.

What?

Pilar, come on.

Yeah, it's true. He can't

stop talking about you at home.

He says you're the best

teacher he ever had.

Wow. Thanks.

You should come to our

house for dinner tonight.

Our mom

wants to meet you.

Cool. Yeah, I'd like that.

# Double-O-Soul #

# I dig rock-and-roll music #

# I can do

the twine and the jerk #

# I wear strictly

continental suits #

# And high-collared shirts #

# I've got

a reputation of being #

# Gentle but bold #

# And that's why they call me #

# Agent Double-O-Soul, baby ##

Hey.

Come on in, Mr. Cole.

Salsa ]

- Hello!

You are Tito's teacher, yes?

That's right. Yes.

Welcome.

Oh. Hi.

Oh! I brought some of this.

Some rum.

Let's have some rum

for the teacher.

Sure.

Hey, what are you doing?

You don't get rum.

He's the man

of the house and he knows it.

I say to him, "Honey, you don't even

know what it means to be a man. "

Now, maybe he has a little mustache,

but he's still a little boy.

You're right. Yeah, you

should listen to your mom.

Having a mustache doesn't mean

you got it all figured out.

That's right.

Salud.

Hey, where's Hector? Oh,

he's running a little late.

He'll be here.

Hector's your boyfriend?

Yeah. You'll like him.

Cool.

Since Hector is late,

I need you to help me with

dinner. Sure. Yeah. What can I do?

I need you

to stand right there.

I need you

to take the spices...

and rub into the pig.

Rub it hard,

Mr. Eddie.

All over the butt.

Inside. Go... Yeah, go all the way in.

Get right in there...

so it's tasty.

Like this?

Lighten up.

Have a drink.

Just a little piggy.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hey.

We're giving

dinner for you tonight.

S. Bueno, bueno.

Quiera rum?

Claro. Dale.

Aqu.

Hey, baby.

Oh. This is Eddie,

Tito's favorite teacher.

Oh, yeah.

The teacher.

Now a drink.

Salud.

Salud.

Nice to meet you.

And you.

Officially.

So, what do you do?

I'm actually a deejay.

- Oh, cool.

- Yeah.

You do a little of this

when you deejay?

No. Not like that.

Oh, your technique

is better than mine?

You have to be

more casual.

You're putting

too much effort into it.

It's way too white guy

right now.

I am a white guy. I'm just

doing the fist pump of my people.

I guess I'm being

too racist, huh?

I do wish you were a little

bit more open to my culture.

I'm sorry.

I'll be more sensitive.

So, what kind of stuff

do you play?

I play, like,

uh, reggaeton.

I actually don't know

what that is.

It's like Latino hip-hop. You know?

So, where do you deejay?

Um, clubs

around here mostly.

But I do a couple of shows

in Miami every year.

It's so much fun. You

should totally come out.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.

Pilar, I need

some help in the kitchen.

Right.

Hey! Eddie!

Have a drink with me?

Huh?

Yeah, all right.

Okay. Yeah.

Preprate.

Okay. Vmonos.

Uno, dos, tres,

cuatro.

Hmm.

Dale.

Whew.

I was at the gym earlier

lifting weights.

That's why I was late.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, you got a nice physique.

Yeah, you work out?

Yeah, I do actually.

I like... I like to use

the ergometer.

Oh... The what?

The rowing machine.

The erg.

Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I ne...

I never heard of it.

So, uh...

Listen, you, uh,

always come to your

students' homes for dinner?

No, this is actually

my first time.

Hmm. Yeah.

I don't know, man.

It seems...

It seems a little weird.

Well, Pilar invited me, and

I figured it would be cool.

Oh. Pilar invited you.

Mm-hmm. 'Cause I'm Tito's

favorite teacher, so...

That's interesting.

Maybe next time

don't come for dinner.

Maybe next time

say you're busy.

Yeah. Sorry.

Man, you don't know anything.

Have another one

with me.

Have another one with me.

You good?

Yeah.

It came out

so good tonight, Mom.

Thank you.

Try one.

He's not gonna do that. That's gross.

Eddie, I...

Don't. I wouldn't.

Is it good?

Nah, man,

it's disgusting.

Why eat it then?

Because, papi,

I eat what I want.

You know what?

I eat what I want too.

Papi.

What... I didn't actually

think that he would eat it.

He did eat it.

Are you okay?

Be a man. Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah!

Oh!

Sh*t!

Listen, sweetie.

It ain't over.

I have to disagree

with you there.

I puked on a man before.

Puked right on the dick.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Sh*t was salty.

Made me gag.

Wow.

You know what I did?

What?

I said, "Man, go wash your

dick off and let's do this. "

You didn't let it

stop you for a second.

It stopped me for a second because

I wanted him to wash his sh*t off,

but it didn't stop me.

Two tears in a bucket.

F*** it. This is living.

You should be so lucky that you're

out there falling in love with women,

puking your guts out

for 'em and on 'em.

That's true.

It's courageous.

Would you wanna be with a woman that you

wouldn't drink half a handle of rum...

and eat an eyeball for?

I appreciate this. I really

do. But she has a boyfriend.

Man, f*** a boyfriend.

It always starts

before it stops.

I know. And she's...

she's beautiful.

But to her, I'm just her

brother's dorky teacher.

But you'll never know

if you don't go after it.

And a man

can't live that way...

you know, wondering

what life might be like.

You got to be mad for

something. Be crazy for it.

You got to wash the puke off

that dick and get into it.

Guys, this is J and Ally.

They're gonna help us

with our lesson today.

I like your hair, baby.

You look spicy.

Leon, remember, we're

trying to be more respectful.

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