Sex Ed Page #5

I'm just saying, baby,

I like your spice.

I can get

involved with your business.

Cool it, you little sh*t. Oh.

Ooh!

Okay, okay, let's all calm down.

JT and Ally

are gonna help us learn...

how to respectfully communicate

with the opposite sex.

I like JT.

He looks strong.

Show me

your muscles.

- Oh!

- Ooh.

Abs, abs, abs,

abs, abs, abs, abs,

abs, abs!

This is no place for abs. Sorry.

Thank you.

We're gonna pair off.

Who wants to go first?

Do you wanna come over

and watch a movie?

Okay, Shelly, it sounds like

you're trying to booty-call me.

Is that what

you really want?

I like your shoes.

They're fly.

Make fun of me a little bit.

Don't just tell me how great I am.

Girl,

I like your skin.

Whoa. What is this,

Silence of the Lambs?

Shh.

If someone sends me

a snapshot of his dick,

do I have to send back

a picture of my "V"?

Whoa. What?

You're sexy.

Well, not only

was that not creative,

but you gave off

kind of a rapey vibe.

Is that what you're

trying to throw out there?

Those shoes are wack.

Your mom get them for you

at the mall?

Ooh!

Great. Great work.

I love what you did there.

Right now I think I'm just gonna try

and bang as many chicks as possible.

Yeah, that's not

a good idea.

I just don't think you should

be Snapchatting with anybody...

who sends you pictures

of their dick.

But I-I really like him.

You don't like the guy that sends

dick pics. You say no more dick pics.

Girls need

to stick together.

Don't let boys

come between you.

The only thing that they have

that you don't have is a penis,

and a penis is no reason

to be sad.

I don't know

if you've masturbated yet.

Honestly, we don't have

to talk about it,

but my advice to you:

Rub one out before any major

decision involving the opposite sex.

I wanna light some candles

and play R. Kelly...

and just

get emotional with you.

Oh, my goodness.

He says three dates

means he gets a blow job.

Ooh.

Tha-That's not accurate.

That's what he said.

You say...

You say no jobs.

There's no jobs.

There's no jobs in this area.

It's a jobless...

It's a job-free zone.

That's what you tell him.

No jobs.

Good God, man.

Wow. These kids

really do need you.

Man, they are operating on a

whole different sexual level.

I know, man.

This Snapchat thing...

Just... d*cks, man.

Everybody's got a dick

on their phone.

You guys wanna go

get a drink?

I think I just need

to be alone right now.

Ah.

Never too good at that.

Hi.

Hey, Pilar.

I'm really sorry about the

whole thing the other night.

It's all right.

After we cleaned up all the

vomit, it was kind of funny.

Yeah, I've never seen someone throw up

on my mom, so it was kind of awesome.

Yeah, a little too much rum

for me, I think.

- How's Hector?

- He's a d*ckhead.

Tito, will you

give us a sec?

He's all right. We're

taking a break, actually.

He was being

a little possessive.

Oh. I'm sorry.

Hey, what are you doing

Thursday night?

There's this really cool bar

underneath my apartment.

They do this Afro-Cuban

jazz thing on Thursdays.

I don't know

if you'd want to come.

Sounds great.

All right.

It's a date then.

Yeah. I-I... I mean,

like, it's a drink.

Like an appointment.

Like it's in the books.

But I'll pay

for the tab though, so...

It's a date then.

Yeah.

Got drunk with the wife last

night and watched Modern Family.

Oh, that sounds nice. Love

the gay guys on that show.

So f***ing awesome.

But you always wonder, you know, which

one's the top and which one's the bottom.

Yeah, they don't really

get into that on the show.

'Cause Cam... he's such a b*tch,

you know,

so you figure, "Oh.

He'd probably be the bottom. "

But he's the big one, and

isn't the big one always on top?

'Cause of the whole

domination thing?

I've never really

thought about it.

Yeah. Me neither.

It's a mysterious world, the

whole gay-man thing. Yeah, it is.

But let's face it.

They kind of got it made

in the shade. You know?

I mean, any night of the week,

they can get laid.

Just go to some club

that's filled with hot dudes...

I mean, like good-looking,

ripped, totally, like, muscle guys,

and they can just bone down.

They-They have an app

for that, actually.

Imagine if we had that app.

It would be... It would be

a lot easier.

Yeah. Although slow down.

I mean, we're making

some major generalizations here.

I mean, it's not like

all gay men are sluts.

I know a lot, actually, that are

in very committed relationships...

Really serious, you know?

True commitment.

That's nice.

Yeah.

Love... Love doesn't care

about gender.

Well, I'd love to talk

about Modern Family all day,

but you know why you're here?

Just a progress report?

Little checkup?

No, man.

You really shat

on the wrong chest.

I'm sorry?

Reverend Hamilton

was in here the other day.

He's really pissed.

You're handing out condoms

in your class?

What are you teaching?

Just... general

adolescent health issues.

You mean sex ed.

Well, yeah.

Eddie, we don't teach sex ed

in this district.

That's a hot issue.

Reverend Hamilton petitioned it.

Keep it up

and he'll pull your program,

and you...

you'll be out a job.

These kids need to learn

about their bodies.

Half of them are already

experimenting sexually.

Look, Eddie, truth be told,

I don't give a sh*t what

you're teaching in your class.

Hamilton runs a recovery meeting

on Wednesdays at the school gym.

I suggest you go talk to

him and make your case.

Okay, I'll do that.

Wow. Big class today.

We told them

you were explaining stuff...

about sex.

Oh.

Well, unfortunately,

we can't do that today.

But I do have

some brain teasers,

so we're gonna do

some of that.

Not you, Leon.

I'm just grabbin' a pen.

Come on.

I can see you.

Hey, Tito, could I

talk to you outside for a second?

Okay.

So, um...

Your sister and I

are gonna go out on date.

Would that be okay with you?

Really? What are you guys gonna do?

I don't know.

I'm still figuring that out.

Question:

Do you get a boner

when you see my sister?

Or do you have a boner now

'cause you're thinking about her?

No.

Really?

Yeah. No boner right now.

See, with me

it's like right away.

All I have to do is think

about Margarita, and boom.

Well, I think that's 'cause you're

going through puberty right now. So...

I hope so man. Sometimes I'm

like a walking boner. You know?

It's why I can't

wear sweatpants anymore.

So...

Isn't it weird though?

I was like, why does everybody stop

wearing sweatpants in middle school?

And now I know why.

Very true.

So, you're okay with this?

Yeah, totally, man.

Cool. All right, thanks.

Um, let's get back to work.

Remember, one day at a time.

Reverend Hamilton.

Mr. Cole.

I-I recently washed it.

What can I do for you?

I was hoping that we could

discuss my after-school program.

See, here's the issue,

Mr. Cole.

I don't think that sex or anything

relating to it should be taught in school.

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