Sexy Baby Page #6

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ENCOURAGE MYRTLE,

TO ME THAT IS ON

THE BORDER OF:

EXPLOITATION.

YOU MADE ME:

DEACTIVATE MY FACEBOOK.

BECAUSE OF THAT?

WHAT ELSE?

GUESS WHAT I GET

TO DO NOW ALL DAY?

GYMNASTICS.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD

TAKE THAT AWAY, TOO.

IT'S LIKE HORRIBLE,

FACEBOOK IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE

AND I CAN'T HAVE IT!

LOST IN THE WORLD,

FETAL AND CURLED,

AND NO WAY OUT.

LIGHTS OUT. COLD.

OH MY GOD, THIS

IS LIKE, HORRIBLE.

I NEED SOCIAL NETWORKING!

WHEN I FIRST STARTED

TELLING MY STUDENTS

WHO HAVE KIDS,

YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE

PLAN OF KIDS:

AND IT'LL HAPPEN

WHEN IT HAPPENS,

ALL OF MY STUDENTS,

FOR SOME REASON:

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF

THEM HAS TOLD ME

TO DO ACUPUNCTURE.

THERE WAS ONE AROUND

HERE THAT I REALLY FELT.

AT FIRST, AND THEN--

I AM SCARED THAT I

CAN'T HAVE A BABY.

I TRIED FOR MANY YEARS.

I'VE HAD A MISCARRIAGE.

ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S

THE NEXT LEVEL:

OF MY RELATIONSHIP

WITH MY HUSBAND.

AND I AM SCARED THAT

IF WE CAN'T REACH

THAT NEXT LEVEL,

WHERE OUR RELATIONSHIP

IS GONNA GO.

AW MAN.

IT SAYS, UM,

"I FULLY UNDERSTAND

THAT EVEN THOUGH

THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST

WILL SPEND ALL OF

HIS OR HER TIME:

DURING THE SURGICAL

PROCEDURE ENSURING

MY SAFETY,

ANESTHESIA DOES BARE

SOME RISK OF A POSSIBLE,

POSSIBILITY OF:

EITHER INJURY,

ALLERGIC REACTIONS

OR RARELY DEATH.

I GUESS THEY'RE COVERING

ALL THEIR BASES.

THIS REMINDS ME OF

WHEN I WENT WITH HEATHER

FOR HER TO GET:

HER BREAST IMPLANTS.

DID YOU GO WITH HER?

MMM-HMM.

THAT WAS A GOOD FRIEND.

DID SHE HAVE TO SIGN

STUFF LIKE THAT TOO?

THESE ARE COOL SHOES.

ARE THOSE LITTLE SHELLS?

JUST A LITTLE DESIGN.

ARE YOU CRYING AGAIN?

YEAH, I'M JUST, I'M JUST--

I SHOULD BE:

THE ONE CRYING.

I'M JUST NERVOUS FOR YOU.

DON'T CRY, YOU'RE GOING

TO MAKE ME NERVOUS!

READY, CAROL?

[MONITORS BEEPING]

THERE IS:

A PERFECT-SIZED PIECE,

JUST LIKE IN HER PICTURE.

I HAVE A LOT OF YOUNG GIRLS

THAT'LL CONTACT ME

THAT'LL SAY "I HATE 'EM, I'M

GOING TO CUT THEM OFF!"

AND I SAY "MAKE SURE

YOU'RE NEAR A HOSPITAL,

BECAUSE THEY:

CAN REALLY BLEED."

(GROANING AND CRYING)

THIS IS WHAT IT:

FEELS LIKE WHEN:

YOU HAVE A KID?

PROBABLY NOT.

WORSE?

NO.

NO?

NO. I DIDN'T HAVE

ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL.

WANT ME TO SIT THERE NOW?

YEAH, GO.

THAT LITTLE GIRL IS

SO FRIGGIN' ADORABLE.

Dave:
NO OFFENSE TO HER,

BUT WE DIDN'T MARRY

EACH OTHER JUST:

TO BE TOGETHER.

NO. IT WAS TO BUILD

AND DEVELOP A FAMILY.

SO WE GOTTA GET ON THAT.

THAT WAS A STIPULATION

OF GETTING MARRIED--

DO YOU WANT KIDS?

IF I HAD SAID NO...

WE WOULDN'T BE MARRIED.

WE WOULDN'T BE TOGETHER.

IT'S PART OF THE PACKAGE.

YEP.

I DON'T LIKE CLICHES.

I CAN'T STAND CLICHES,

BUT WHEN IT'S MEANT

TO BE, IT'LL HAPPEN.

I HAVE 458 FRIENDS.

YOU HAVE LIKE 12.

OPEN UP.

STOP.

IF I DRANK ALL OF THIS,

WOULD I DIE?

NO, WINNIFRED.

STOP IT.

I'M JUST ASKING.

THAT'S LIKE 2 SHOTS.

YES, YOU WILL DIE,

BECAUSE I WILL KILL YOU.

THAT WAS GOOD!

YOU LIKE THAT?

(LAUGHING) THAT WAS GOOD.

WINNIFRED.

YEAH?

THERE ARE SO MANY COOL

THINGS IN YOUR HOUSE.

I WANNA GO DO:

A PHOTO SHOOT.

CAN WE PLEASE DO

A PHOTO SHOOT RIGHT NOW?

C'MON LIV, PHOTO SHOOT!

AH! I LOVE YOU.

THAT IS SO PRETTY,

OH MY GOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I SAID I DIDN'T HAVE

ANY ISSUES WITH:

THE PICTURES YOU

ENDED UP POSTING,

I'M PRETTY CERTAIN--

YOU DID BEFORE:

I POSTED THEM.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT

WAS GETTING POSTED!

HUH?

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T

TRUST ME!

YOU WERE DOING A PHOTO

SHOOT WITH OLIVIA.

I'VE SEEN THAT

GIRL'S PHOTOS.

OKAY, BUT THAT'S NOT ME!

YOU DON'T TRUST ME

TO LIKE, MONITOR MYSELF?

LISTEN, WHEN YOU'RE

A PARENT,

YOU THINK YOU:

KNOW YOUR KIDS,

BUT EVENTUALLY YOU GET

TO THE AGE WHERE

YOU'RE KIND OF SHUT OUT

OF THEIR PRIVATE LIVES

TO SOME DEGREE, AND

THEY HAVE SOME PRIVACY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH

THAT YOU'RE MAKING

GOOD DECISIONS,

BUT WE DON'T KNOW

WITH 100% CERTAINTY--

JUST BECAUSE I'M

HANGING OUT WITH OLIVIA,

DOESN'T MEAN THAT

SHE HAS ANY CONTROL

OVER ME.

WELL, I KNOW THAT.

AND I DO TRUST YOU.

BUT YOU TOTALLY DIDN'T

BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT.

YOU TEXTED DAD THIS

LONG-ASS THING ABOUT

HOW I'M LIKE, YOU

DIDN'T WANT TO SEE

ANY SLUTTY PHOTOS...

YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE

IS NOT NECESSARILY

WHO YOU ARE.

IT'S MORE LIKE WHO

YOU WANT TO BE.

WE MAKE OURSELVES SEEM

LIKE WE'RE DOWN TO F***.

WE MAKE OURSELVES SEEM

LIKE WE'RE UP FOR ANYTHING.

AND LIKE, IN A WAY,

ALL OF THIS INTERNET

STUFF KIND OF TRAPS YOU.

YOU'VE STARTED AN ALTER EGO

THAT HAS TO BE MAINTAINED,

AND HAS TO BE REAL IN A WAY.

SO YEAH, IT DOES KIND OF

SHAPE HOW YOU END UP,

AND HOW YOU ACTUALLY

ARE IN REAL LIFE.

YAY!

YAY.

TAKE A LITTLE BREAK?

TAKE A BREAK?

OKAY.

Nichole:

I THINK DAVE THOUGHT

FOR AWHILE THAT HE

WAS BEING PUNISHED

FOR ALL THE BAD THINGS

THAT HE DID IN HIS LIFE.

I KNEW HE HAD GIVEN UP.

THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.

IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU

LEAST EXPECT IT.

I WAS LIKE "CRAP,

I DIDN'T GET MY PERIOD."

DAVE WAS LIKE...

WOO HOO, JUST KIDDING.

SO WE WAITED 3 MONTHS.

UNTIL WE WERE OUT OF

THE FIRST TRIMESTER.

3 MONTHS BEFORE

TELLING ANYONE.

LITERALLY, RIGHT AFTER

WE HEARD THE HEART BEAT,

HE WAS ON THE PHONE

WITH HIS MOM.

OH YEAH.

IT WAS GOOD STUFF.

HE CRIED.

SHUT UP.

YOU CRIED.

SHUT UP.

YOU CRIED.

DID NOT.

YOU CRIED.

I LOVE YOU.

I'VE ALWAYS CARED

DEEPLY FOR EVERY

PERSON IN MY FAMILY.

BUT I HAD THAT WALL BUILT UP

SO THAT I COULD KEEP

THEM AT A SAFE DISTANCE

SO THAT I DIDN'T

HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

THE JUDGMENT OR:

THE DISAPPOINTMENT.

WHEN DAVE CAME INTO MY LIFE,

A LOT OF THAT WALL

WAS BROKEN DOWN.

ALRIGHT, YOU GUYS READY

FOR THE COOL STUFF?

WE'RE GONNA GO INTO 3-D.

DUDE.

THAT'S SO COOL!

HERE, WE'LL DO THIS.

AW! BABY ROCCO!

I LOVE THAT NAME.

MY CHILDREN ARE:

NOT GOING TO BE:

ALLOWED A COMPUTER

IN THEIR OWN ROOM.

IT'S GOING TO BE

IN THE LIVING ROOM

WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE

WHAT THEY'RE WATCHING.

I CAN'T AS, YOU KNOW,

A FORMER ADULT FILM STAR

TELL MY CHILDREN THAT

SEEING EXTREME PORN

ON THE INTERNET:

IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

JUST THOSE CAN'T BE

YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCES.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT

A LITTLE BIT SLOWER THAN THAT.

Woman:
ALL RIGHT,

SEE YOU LATER.

Winnifred:
I WAS SO GOOD,

I DIDN'T GET IN TROUBLE

LIKE ONE TIME.

UM, YOU CAME HOME

WITH WHAT APPEARS

TO BE A HICKEY:

ON YOUR NECK!

WHICH OF THESE SCRAGGILY

LITTLE BOYS IS IT?

AS LONG AS YOU DIDN'T

INHALE WINNIFRED,

IT'S OKAY.

OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SO

FULL OF CRAP.

GLAD TO SEE THERE

WAS ALL TYPES:

OF INAPPROPRIATE CONDUCT

GOING ON ON THIS SCHOOL TRIP.

OH TRUST ME,

YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

WAIT.

THANK YOU!

OF COURSE, THERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE THE STAR, OKAY?

THANK YOU!

WHO WAS THAT?

SOME RANDOM GUY.

LOOK AT THE GARDEN,

THERE'S BEAN SPROUTS!

SHE'S NOT INTERESTED

IN BEAN SPROUTS ANYMORE.

NO REALLY, MOM!

I'M INTERESTED.

I'M NOT DRESSED LIKE

A HO BAG, OKAY?

I'M KIDDING. LISTEN

HONEY, IT'S YOUR BODY,

YOU CAN DRESS THE WAY

YOU WANT TO.

THAT SMELLS REALLY GOOD.

CAN I WEAR THAT?

YEAH.

DID YOU NOTICE THAT

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