Sexy Evil Genius Page #5

- It's not about the date.

Then what is it?

Should I open this or do you guys

wanna do the honors yourself?

Do you want me to leave it?

If the partners in my

firm see this, I'm done.

I'm sorry. I didn't have dinner.

You told me that didn't matter.

What I said was that I needed some

more time for this transition.

Okay, and nine months isn't enough?

If my partners see this,

I'll be out in a day.

So, what? You hate your partners.

Nik, it's not that simple.

Dude, I'm sorry.

How well do you know Nikki?

Yeah, this is Nikki 101.

She wants something, you don't want it,

she'll pull some stunt that makes

everything work out her way anyway.

Blonde with Lobotomy Eyes.

A "black magic panther

who gets what she's after!

I need some food.

What the hell are they talking about?

"Blonde with Lobotomy Eyes"

is the title of a Thrill Kill Kult song,

but they're right.

How long do we have to wait?

Can we talk about this later?

Now's good. We have champagne.

My best, oldest friends

gathered to celebrate.

This is a set-up.

It's just, it's not for us.

Man, do I feel like an ass.

Here I was, thinking this

was about a new band.

You're the sucker, Bert.

Nikki's invited us here to pressure you

into committing to marriage.

She's put you on the spot.

Yeah, Bert, why won't you give her a date?

- Yeah.

- They're on my side, darling.

Maybe this homicidal mania

really does bother you after all.

Or maybe you're just a scummy guy

who takes advantage of beautiful women

in emotional distress.

Which one is it, Bert?

Cold feet or a cold, cold heart?

Perhaps I don't like

discussing our private matters

with people that, quite frankly,

I don't know very well.

Is that all that sinister?

- But these people know me.

- Yeah, I'm with Miranda.

I actually think

it's the murder thing that bugs you,

cause she could snap. You'd be next.

What I think, too. Yeah.

I think we're reassurance.

The three of us are here to prove

that Nikki doesn't murder

everyone she sleeps with.

That's...

You don't have those mortality issues,

do you, Bert?

- No, no.

- Then what is it?

You want a date, baby?

That's it.

Or that's it.

So what was it? June 18th, right?

June the 18th of next year.

Well, then, that is the day

that we shall be married.

Do you mean that?

Yes, baby, I do mean it.

So. That's not happening.

- No way.

- Yeah, he said that just to get her off.

- Let's do it! Yeah!

- I love you so much!

Till death do

us part.

- It might not be that long.

- Yeah. See? Mania.

- Congrats, man.

- Yeah.

That's...

I am so excited.

I love you, baby.

So I will admit that I had a hidden agenda,

but getting Bert to come around

wasn't the only one.

Also, since the day I met Miranda

I have always thought that she would be

perfect with Zach.

What?

So this is like a psychotronic episode

of Blind Date?

Feels that way.

Seriously, you guys, thank you for coming.

To what could have been my funeral.

Come again?

If Bert had turned me down

after all the disgusting things

he made me do just to save me,

I would have f***ing killed myself.

Excuse me.

I gotta pee.

So much drama.

I'll go.

I guess we got our answer.

You got a cold, cold heart.

What?

We're getting married, Marvin.

Yeah, sure, you are.

Someone's not a happy camper.

Shut the f*** up, b*tch, or I will cut you!

Be careful. She's crazy.

You doing okay in there?

- Is she gone?

- Yes.

Look at me, I'm such a mess.

- Why are you crying?

- These are tears of joy.

I finally met a man

who's a better liar than I am.

Baby, it's not the end of the world

You kicked heroin twice.

You can get over Bert.

I don't think so.

Why not?

Because he's gonna pay.

I even let that prick call me Nik

like I'm some grease monkey

mechanic or douchebag frat boy.

I am not Nik. I am Nikki, motherf***er!

Can I borrow your makeup?

- Can I ask you something?

- Shoot.

How does a smart guy like you,

a lawyer with enough savvy

to get a person free on murder,

end up romantically involved

with his homicidal, heroin-addict client?

- She's amazing.

- I'm calling bullshit.

You have no intention of marrying Nikki.

I see the way she has you defending her

and shilling for her,

making sure that we believe

her insanity story.

No, I believe she was insane.

You're in the dark, Marvin.

But you... You're her accomplice.

That is an outrageous accusation.

I love her.

What are you gonna do, kill your fianc?

You know, I thought about it.

But killing that self-righteous

dingleberry is just too easy.

Easy?

Killing is easy?

I want his balls burning in hell.

How are you gonna do that?

You'll see.

I... Okay.

Can I please have some cocktail cherries?

- With the champagne? - Just it's...

I'm sick of eating the olives.

Okay.

Honestly, man to man,

you really think Nikki was insane?

Enough to beat a murder rap?

That's irrelevant.

My job is to defend people

that are charged with a crime

and it's their right to have

vigorous legal counsel.

What I think doesn't matter.

What's your non-legal opinion?

I... listen to the experts.

Is this plan gonna go down tonight?

You're so inquisitive.

It's attractive.

It's like a hot succubus Nancy Drew.

So what do you think of Zach?

- He thinks Nikki's full of it.

- No, I didn't say that.

Bert, confess.

You wanted deep in it.

Deep in it?

Deep in it" is a jazz expression

I just learned.

It means "f***ing."

So you went along with her plot,

helped her plead insanity and proved it,

and in return she gave you her?

That is low down.

Bert, man, defend yourself.

You want me to be honest?

My answer is yes, Nikki is

abso-f***ing-lutely insane.

Is? You mean like...

As in presently, real-time,

in the bathroom.

- Damn.

- Then, why is she out of prison?

I could give you 200,000 reasons why.

What, you greased the doctors?

And a couple of members of the board

but Nik doesn't know about that, so...

- What, and you admit that?

- But that's a crime.

Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?

What are you, cops? It's untraceable.

You ever bring it up again,

I'll deny we ever had this conversation.

Now that's jazz.

$200,000?

Where do you get that kind of cash?

Cause I'm f***in rich, brother

I make more than that every month.

What you don't realize

is I represent drug dealers,

gangsters, even bankers.

Okay, but why?

And then... And why tell us?

At first, I thought like you,

Zach, that she was faking it.

She even told me she was faking it

to lure me in like some femme fatale

straight out of Double Indemnity.

And then I... You know,

I was going through a tough divorce

and she's just...

You know, she's so yummy.

She's so magnetic, right?

And I thought,

why not represent this damsel in distress

after she just knocked off

this animal stalker,

son of a b*tch, arm-robbing,

f***in' drug-dealing punk?

Which arguably could have been

a case for self-defense.

And I was just trying

to look for a way to get her

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes