Sexy Evil Genius Page #8

No.

Nikki's right.

I used to draw and paint, write poetry.

I loved music, movies, books, art.

I haven't enjoyed any

of that stuff in years.

I haven't even bought a CD in years

and I used to buy three a week, and that

was when I had no job and no money.

So, I was sitting in my hospital cell

and I was stewing about the cruel universe

and all the people

who had double-crossed me

and cheated me and lied to and abused me.

And then I thought of you, Zach.

The one authentic good guy in my life

who let his own life slip away.

And so I decided

as soon as I got out,

I would host a party just for you.

Tonight's about me?

Yeah.

It's another of my genius orchestrations,

designed to snap you back, jolt you,

reawaken your sense of being alive.

I mean, mission accomplished.

So is that... Is that it?

Are we done?

No, I'm just getting started.

I understand the sad story.

You're not gonna poison Zach, okay?

But what about the rest of us?

Why? Do you feel strange?

Why do you always

answer a question with another question?

It's annoying.

Because it makes the puzzle

expand exponentially.

I learned that from Socrates.

She's not gonna poison anybody.

Not here, not now

in a public place with all these witnesses.

Right.

Because I'm afraid of making a scene, Bert.

Just tell them, Nikki.

Tell me.

I would never harm you, Miranda.

You gave me the courage to believe in

myself when I needed it the most.

Without your amazing, beautiful love,

I would just be another dead junkie.

So, relax.

Enjoy the show.

It's us, man.

It's nobody.

She's just getting her rocks off.

You said it yourself, she's been smiling

at us all night like some Cheshire Cat.

Something ain't right.

Where is that check?

Look at you two.

It's mass hysteria up in here.

I got a headache from all your shenanigans.

What kind of headache?

Like a really scary, bad migraine?

No. I'm annoyed.

You need help, Nik.

Nikki. Come on, let's go.

Jump in the GTO. We can talk about this.

Why are you so concerned with headaches?

It's a symptom of arsenic poisoning.

I'm a nurse. I've seen it a couple times.

You're a nurse?

- Yeah.

- Miranda's grace under pressure.

She thrives on intensity.

She saved me twice when I OD'd.

To hell with this waitress.

That'll take care of the champagne.

I've had enough of your

scheming nonsense, okay?

Trying to convince us all

that you poisoned our drinks,

that's no joke, okay?

That's insanity. You need help.

Professional psychiatric help.

I'd go back any time.

The shrinks at that

last health spa were so handsome.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

I got way beyond a headache.

Is he acting?

Am I?

"Do my kisses burn?"

What?

"Do they take your breath?

You've got a lesson to learn.

- "I'm the kiss of death"

- Holy sh*t.

Damn.

I'm flying.

"Kiss of death."

Come on. What the f*** is that?

It's a song from the Thrill Kill Kult.

- What is this?

- "Eye of newt and toe of frog,

Wool of bat and

I mean, however the rest of the brew goes.

Another bullshit song?

It's the witches from Macbeth.

Another band I've never heard of.

- Shakespeare.

- Right. I knew you were acting.

This revenge

for your delusional beef with me...

I am perfectly sane.

No, you're not.

You're a poor girl who got abused,

sick and twisted and never healed.

Yeah, that's true. I'll

give you that one, too.

This guy is good, a real pro.

Sixty-nine minutes, how erotic.

Really? You poisoned him?

Come on. Please. He's faking.

Did you check his ID when

he came in like you did me?

Could've been you, Zach.

Lost soul.

I almost put you out of your misery,

but I had second thoughts.

I saved you.

Do you love me for that?

I'm sorry.

For what?

I planted the badness.

F***.

You did, Marvin?

Did...

I loved us

I really did.

I forgive you.

Marvin?

Marvin? Marvin?

Wake up.

Marvin. Marvin, wake up.

- Can you hear me?

- You poisoned him?

What do we tell the judge

and jury this time?

Did you poison me?

Thanks for getting back to me.

- Is she there?

- No, no, no. She's out fora run.

You are a piece of work,

a hot piece of ass like that

and you wanna send her back

to the institution?

She's not who I thought she was.

Look, I'm never gonna marry this chick.

- I don't love her.

- So break up with her.

I can't! Look, just say she had a relapse,

say you made a mistake.

Just put her back in.

I'll double the money I paid you.

Counselor, that was a one-time deal.

As much as I enjoyed her company,

I suggest you sack up and dump her ass.

- Don't call me again.

- No, no, no. Listen, listen.

Damn it.

Why? Do you think you deserve it?

No more of your riddles

I want answers now!

No, I didn't.

No?

I didn't poison you.

Hello. Emergency. We need an ambulance.

We're popular.

I have a pulse. It's weak, but it's there.

What now?

- I run.

- You flee?

Is that your brilliant master plan?

Only there's a denouement.

I keep tabs on you, see you lose your job

your law license, see the doctors

at the hospital sell you out,

maybe even see you go to

jail for fraud and bribery.

Never put incriminating sh*t

in a drawer with a crappy lock, Bert.

Otherwise, your law partners may

get copies of canceled checks.

You wouldn't do that,

expose yourself.

They'd put you away

in that asylum for good.

I'll be gone.

I've had months to plan.

They'll never find me.

But you...

Get off her!

Man, stop, stop! Get off her, man!

Stop it!

- Are you okay?

- Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm fine.

That was close.

- But thanks.

- Insurance.

Against Bert.

Yeah.

No, no. I am not giving you this gun.

Are you kidding me?

You just freaking murdered Marvin!

Marvin isn't dead.

I just whacked him out

on rohypnol and ketamine.

- He's in a k-hole?

- Deep in it.

Tell the EMTs. They'll know what to do.

And seriously, you do not want that

skanky gun on you when the cops show up.

I bought it off a crackhead.

I don't know how many bodies

are on that thing.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Bye.

- Goodbye.

You guys.

This guy's dead.

Rise and shine.

I was waiting...

I was waiting to see if

I could bail you out.

Chivalrous. Thank you, but no need.

They let me go.

They called it assault

in defense of another.

- That's a relief.

- Yeah.

Did the detectives

say anything about Marvin or Bert?

Yes. Can we get out of here?

- Okay?

- Yes.

- Yeah.

- Marvin's gonna be fine.

The doctors said he'll be high

for another day or two.

I guess Nikki taught him.

She taught Bert worse.

He'll live, but legally he's a mess.

The three guys from the bar

are pressing assault charges

and he attacked the cops that arrested him.

So much for his legal career.

Nikki said she wanted his balls burning.

They are sizzling.

Do you think that Nikki's really crazy

or do you think she's

just faking for effect?

Honestly, I think Nikki's beyond sanity.

I mean, she pulled last night off.

That took rational, sane,

but totally insane planning.

Yeah.

This is my ride.

Sweet bumper sticker.

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