Sgt. Bilko Page #6

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Oh, sure.

Bright light city gonna set my soul

Gonna set my soul on fire

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

There's blackjack and poker|and the roulette wheel

All you need's a strong heart|and a nerve of steel

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas with your neon flashing

Sarge, you're crying.

It's just... so beautiful.

Viva, viva, Las Vegas

All right, soldiers. Prepare for manoeuvres!

I killed an afternoon convincing|Colonel Dunderhead he'd be in trouble...

...if Bilko didn't go on the manoeuvres.

You've got three days|to get into this computer.

Find me everything.

If he stole a match,|I want to know about it.

I'm goin' to party town

Yeah, yeah

I wanna party down

Yeah, yeah

I wanna have some fun|I'm gonna fool around

I'm goin' to party town

Right here in party town

Yeah, yeah

They really party down

Yeah, yeah

Man, it's a party town

Yeah, yeah

- Where we goin'?|- Craps.

Think of the changes you wanna make|when we own this place.

Hey, Sarge, I was thinkin',|is it safe for us to be off the base?

- Thorn will be up to somethin'.|- You just thought of that?

Relax. Before we left, I had Luis encrypt|the files. It'll take 'em years to break in.

We're in.

Good job.

Now, how far back do you want us to go?

You two kids have just been sensational.

Why don't you knock off|for the rest of the evening?

And do what?

- Have fun. Unwind.|- Hm.

- Well, shall I...?|- No, leave it on for a second.

I'd just like to check on one or two things,|just out of curiosity.

Well, good night.

Good night.

I think it was very exciting,|the way you broke into that computer.

- It was?|- Yes!

- Can I buy you a drink?|- Why, yes.

Oh, oh, oh! There they go!

Oh, my. All right.

Oh! Ouch! They're hot! They're hot.|Quick, quick, cool 'em off.

Press the six and the eight|and the black ten.

- All right, here we go. Now...|- Oh, he's shakin' 'em off.

Uh-oh, he's comin' with the pitch.|It looks like the high, hard one!

Ooh, baby! Oh, good.

Gently. OK, and now, it's just a little...|It's easy, it's easy, it's easy.

It's just... behind the back.

Winner! We have a winner.

Wait a minute. This chip is scratched.

- Mr Bilko.|- Yes?

That's quite a run.|Is there anything we can do for you?

Yes, go to your vault and tell your money|to be patient. We'll be together soon.

You mean he stood you up|before that night at the Rusty Spur?

Mm-hm. He left me standing at the altar.

There can be no excuse for that.

You'd be surprised. He had a new excuse|every time. They were all pretty amazing.

- He did that more than once?|- Mm-hm.

Rita, you have a lot of love to give.

And you're smart.|Why put up with a clown like that?

Because it was exciting. With Ernie,|every day was anything-can-happen day.

Some couples play Scrabble.

This isn't a game we're talking about -|it's your life.

Where I come from, when you tell|a woman you'll marry her, you mean it.

You know something? I would never|stand you up. I'd never not call you.

But then, I'm an officer with career|prospects. I can handle responsibility.

I guess you can.

Wouldn't you like a man|who's there for you?

A man who wants to get married,|settle down and have a family.

Yes.

I bought you this.

A ring!

Two carats of cubic zirconia.

It's beautiful.

Oh...

This is happening... too fast.

I don't want to hurt Ernie.

No.

We really don't want to hurt Ernie.

- That's when Vegas was Vegas.|- Excuse me, Mr Bilko?

- He said it was an emergency.|- This must be the Pentagon.

Hello? I can hardly hear you.

Rita Robbins. She's been out|with that guy Thorn every night.

- Thorn?|- Since before you went on manoeuvres.

Tomorrow night they're going out to|that fancy French restaurant in Roseville.

She's lookin' pretty weak, Ernie,|I gotta tell ya. Like she would do anything.

- Thanks, Sowicki.|- Bye, Ernie.

- Thank you, Stan.|- Hey, thank you!

For allowing me|to screw with Bilko's head.

Oh, it isn't a game this time, Stan.

I just need to find out|how much he really loves me.

- He loves you plenty.|- More than Las Vegas?

That's asking a lot.

Hi, this is Rita. I'm not in|right now. Please leave a message.

Rita, it's me, Ernie. I'm on my way home.|I hear you're seeing Thorn...

...and I just don't want you to take it too|seriously. He's only with you to annoy me.

I see. He couldn't possibly be interested|in me-that would be ridiculous.

Rita, you're there.|This guy has terrible qualities.

- For one thing, he's very manipulative.|- He seemed nice to me. Goodbye.

Hello? Hello?

Rita? Rita?

Why do you smell the cork?

Your eyes are hazel, aren't they?

Green.

I never have sex on the first date.

Thank God, it's our third. Oh, this is such|a... Oh, can't you just smell that... salad?

Yes, I have a reservation.

Ah, this must be the table. You know,|what they do very well here is the garlic.

Oh, I touched you.|My temperature is rising.

Waiter, could we have two glasses|of red house, uh... s'il vous please?

In.

Bilko. What a fool.

Yeah.

How can he afford to eat here|on a sergeant's pay?

- I'll be a lieutenant colonel very soon.|- No kidding?

- That woman's kind of attractive too.|- You think so?

Well, not compared to you, of course.

Anyway, I understand|the oysters here are...

...very, uh, very, uh... imported.

- Just get me out of here fast.|- Relax, Paparelli.

If you wanna make Rita jealous,|why not use Barbella?

She knows Barbella. I needed someone|she can't recognise. Someone alluring.

Thank you.

Ah! Well, it's Rita Robbins|and Major Thorn! Ah! A-ha-ha, aha.

Um, excuse me. One moment.

She's coming over? She's coming over?

Ernie, you made Paparelli|get into drag just to make me jealous?

Well, actually, he was already in drag.|Paparelli, scram! Get going.

Rita, you can't marry Thorn.|You don't love him.

Think of the children.|You're a Catholic and he's an a**hole!

How would you raise them? And he's|already cheating on you with Paparelli.

Hi, soldier boy.

Sowicki never told you|I was marrying Thorn.

You told Sowicki to call me.|You manipulated me. How could you?

Why not? I have a master's in|manipulation from the University of Bilko.

You tricked me. You sucked me in.

This is the most turned on|I've ever been in my life.

Rita, I'm so glad|we're back together again.

Twelve more days.

No wonder the hovertank never worked.

Yes, sir. He's been diverting research|funds into his own private account.

For all the differences I've had with Bilko|over the years, I've always liked him.

The way he kept up the men's morale.

The way he'd pretend to cry when I went|on leave. The way, on my birthday...

...he'd have the men mow my name in|the main lawn with a big heart around it.

- But now there'll be a court martial.|- Yes, sir.

- Unless...|- Unless?

It's just that I know we'd both|do anything to spare Bilko a court martial.

If he could just be quietly punished.

Yeah, sure.

But... but how?

The CO has certain powers, sir.

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