Shakes The Clown Page #7

"Hi, Shakes. Could I get you

another beer, freshen it up?

Maybe some Corn Nuts, Shakes?"

Wait a minute.

Come back here.

Let go of me!

Get in the trunk.

- Shakes, you're alive.

- What the f***?

Talk about a shot of whiskey,

huh, fellas?

Let's go kick Binky's dick.

Yeah!

Come on, let's go!

Stupid shoes!

But there were times

when I needed a little service too...

babe.

You just weren't interested,

were ya...

doll face?

What about me? What about Binky?

What about my needs?

What about my needs

as a thirsty, horny clown?

Yeah!

I'm all right, kids!

I'm all right!

Hey, knock it off! Come on, guys!

We're on the air! Cool it!

Don't you push me!

Rip his head off!

Bartender,

can't you fix that TV?

That's a hell of a shot.

All we got is his ass.

Come on, Shakes, get up.

Come on, you bum.

Roll over!

Oh, Shakes. Ohh!

Look at the lovebirds.

Yeah. Ain't love grand?

I gotta have her call me.

How sweet it is.

Are you gonna stop drinking

and get some help?

- All right, here we go.

- Spread out. This is a police matter.

Nice job, Shakes.

- I don't regret a goddamn thing, Shakes!

- We're going to the rubber room.

This is just the way I planned it!

Oh, excellent plan!

Hi. My name's Shakes,

and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Shakes.

Welcome, Shakes.

I was thinkin',

all my life I've always been in trouble.

I've never grown up.

I tend to act like

the world owes me a favor...

like it revolves around me

or somethin'.

I never thought, sincerely,

that I'd be sober this long.

And the only thing I know now...

is that I really

just don't know anything...

except what I learn here

and what you guys tell me.

Thanks for letting me share.

Until tomorrow, be good to yourself

and be your own dessert. Bye-bye!

- Cut! That was super.

- Was it? Lucky me.

Get the f*** off me, you shithead.

I could have you fired.

- Judy, hi!

- Lucy!

- You look so glamorous.

- Thanks.

All I'm sayin' is,

you got a blank TV screen there...

but in a few seconds

you got Stenchy and I coming on there.

- TV stars is what I'm tryin' to say.

- See? I told you. TV, girls.

Look, you guys, get lost.

We're the producers.

Seriously?

Well, we like your show. It's cool.

- Bye.

- Good night.

Five, four, three, two...

show time!

Hi, kids, it's me,

your friend, Shakes the clown.

I've got an extra-special show

for you today.

So please welcome my friend,

Mime Jerry!

It's a mime!

Get him!

Help me! No! Please!

Should we go to a cartoon?

Should we go to a cartoon?

When I was a kid

My dad had pictures of these clowns

He hung them on my wall

And wouldn't let me take 'em down

I didn't understand then

and I still can't figure out

Still can't figure out

What those goddamn clowns

Were so sad about

A clown was my boss

at every job I ever had

Clowns run

all the record companies

They never said we're bad

A clown pretending to be a girl

Who pretended to be my friend

This world is run by clowns

Who can't wait for it to end

I have yet to meet a kid

Not scared to death of clowns

They can't walk

and they don't talk

They got painted- on frowns

A clown with a gun

I hope I never see

Hope I never see

Would he shoot himself

Or shoot me

A clown taught every class I took

At my old high school

Clowns all wear Speedos

When they hang out by the pool

Clowns dress up like cops

And threaten to call my folks

This town is filled with clowns

Who don't get my jokes

They fall on their asses

It takes lots of practice

They fall on their asses

It takes lots of practice

They fall

They fall

I have nightmares filled with clowns

And you're there too

You have a big red nose

And stupid, floppy shoes

You're becoming one

I can see the signs

I can see the signs

I hate clowns

And I hate mimes

A clown was my boss

at every job I ever had

Clowns run

all the record companies

They never said we're bad

A clown pretending to be a girl

Who pretended to be my friend

This world is run by clowns

Who can't wait for it to end

Wait for it to end

Wait for it to end

Wait for it

To end

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