Shanghai Kiss Page #5

dance inside my eyes

watching as eagles fly

and time stands still,

and as I paint

the pavement red

and I turn blue,

I thought of you

and only you,

in the darkness

you will come

to dry my tears

and rescue me

from the plastic cups

and empty faces,

my Shanghai Kid,

my one and only,

for you I wait,

only god can stop me."

Now if it totally sucks,

you can tell me.

I wrote it in like

five seconds, anyway.

No, I like it.

Um, you know, I got to

get off the bus.

- Can I call you later?

- Yeah.

- Uh, bye, Adi.

- (phone beeps)

(dial tone)

Who was that?

Your girlfriend?

No, she's just

a friend.

Just a friend?

Give me a break.

She's 16.

Why are you friends

with a 16-year-old?

I don't know.

Excuse me.

(whispering)

Ah!

(laughing)

(jazz music playing)

(Liam and Micki

laughing)

(imitates jet fighter)

What's that?

- Oh, tea egg!

- Huh?

- Tea egg.

- Egg?

- Egg.

- Egg. Let's get some.

I'm hungry.

Hey, tea egg!

Hello hello hello.

Wake up, wake up,

back to work. Hello?

Hello hello.

(speaks Chinese)

- How much?

- One yuan.

One?

One yuan?

- One.

- That's like 12 cents.

I want uh... 12.

- 12.

- (Micki laughing)

How do you say "12"?

(laughs)

Is this good?

Wait wait, hold on.

Taste test.

Why you buy

so many egg?

Good. I may not be

a smart man,

But I know a good

bargain when I see one.

Wow.

What?

In this light,

you are stunning.

You're a stunner.

I'm-- I'm actually

physically stunned.

Well, you're not

the ugliest guy

I ever met either.

- Okay okay, relax.

- (laughs)

So why would you sell

a house that has been

in your family

for 100 years?

What am I gonna do?

Move to China?

Why not?

You're Chinese,

aren't you?

Why not?

Why don't I do anything

that makes any sense?

Why did I drop out of

Columbia and move to L.A.?

To be an aspiring alcoholic?

Why is that

the only girl that I

can stand being sober with

for more than an hour--

present company excluded--

happens to be 16?

Why can't I look

my father in the face?

You're right.

I spend my entire life

running away

from anything Chinese,

including my father.

But I come here...

and I feel like

I belong here.

Here I'm not a Chinese guy,

I'm just a guy.

Don't move here

just for me.

Do you want

to see me again?

- Of course.

- Would you miss me

if I left?

Would you miss me?

You are the most

amazing girl I've ever met.

(traditional Chinese

music playing)

(making martial arts

noises)

Man over P.A.:

the white zone is for immediate

loading and unloading--

Hey!

Chow Yun-Fat!

Hey!

Who you calling "fat"?

Oh no no, I'm sorry.

It's not-- it's not him.

It's the guy from

the ramen noodle package.

And you're the noodle.

So, how was

the People's Republic?

- Oh, it was amazing.

- Yeah?

It's so

beautiful there, Joe.

It really is,

and I met a girl.

What, like

a Chinese girl?

- I met a Chinese girl!

- No way! Really?

- Yeah.

- Really?

Well, what's her name?

- Her name is Micki.

- That doesn't sound Chinese.

She's beautiful.

She's smart, sophisticated,

- funny...

- And she was with you?

You're shitting me, man.

It's a shame

you had to leave.

Actually, I'm gonna

move there.

- What?

- I'm moving to Shanghai.

- When?

- Next week.

What...?

I-- I just, I came back to,

you know, get some things,

say goodbye.

Well, it's pilot season.

There are no Asian

guys on television.

You know that.

What-- did you

tell your father?

Does Adi know?

- Anybody?

- Not yet.

Well, don't you think

you ought to tell 'em?

- I will.

- No, your father's gonna

be a little surprised.

You know, I don't--

I don't give a sh*t

what he thinks.

Listen to yourself, man.

You're moving

to Shanghai for a girl!

A Chinese girl,

for god's sakes.

This is not just

about the girl.

Then what is it?

It just--

it feels right.

I'm Chinese.

I've gotta go

back to my roots.

(laughs)

All right, slow down,

Kunta Kinte.

You don't even

speak Chinese.

What the hell

are you gonna do?

- What, drive a rickshaw?

- I can learn Chinese.

Learn Chinese? Liam,

you barely speak English.

Don't call me "Liam."

Liam is my slave name.

- Cute.

- Wait, come here,

Come here.

- What?

-That's her.

Wow. She, uh--

she sure looks like

every other Asian girl

in Monterey Park.

- What?

- Look, you want to

move somewhere?

Move to Monterey Park.

It's lovely.

I'll miss you too.

Come on, get in.

And give me

five bucks for parking.

- So you came back early.

- I know, the sale

fell through.

- Oh, you didn't

sell your house?

No.

What are you gonna

do now, baby?

Well-- please don't

call me "baby."

Baby baby baby baby

baby!

- Look, I have

something to tell you.

Good news?

-In a way.

- Let me guess.

- You're pregnant.

- No, that was last month.

I got it aborted,

remember?

Oh that's too bad.

I always wanted to

be a father.

(both make

martial arts noises)

Ah!

So what's this news?

(sighs)

This is hard to say.

Oh, spill it, buster.

Come on.

Well, I think that

we should stop--

-Oh Sugar Sallies!

Can you get me those, please?

Yeah yeah, sure, sure.

Oh, you're the

bestest boyfriend in

the whole widest world.

Yeah, okay, Adi.

You know, you're a great girl.

You're beautiful

and smart and strong,

and you shouldn't be

hanging around with me.

You should be

with a guy your own age.

I'm gonna be 17 in,

like, two weeks.

What are you,

eight years older than me?

(sighs)

Big deal.

You look like you're 12.

I'm even almost taller

than you.

Look, it's not my fault

that my epiphyseel plates

fused prematurely.

- Epiphysial.

- Epiphysial.

- Did you drink milk?

- Yes, I drank milk.

Whole or 2%?

Did you drink fat-free?

What percent milk

I drank is not the point.

The point is I can drive

and drink alcoholic beverages.

Not at the same time.

What's your point?

Look, Woody Allen

is with a woman 35

years younger than him.

Woody Allen has

three academy awards.

When I get three

academy awards, I can

date 12-year-olds if I want.

I met someone.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Is it a girl?

(laughs)

No, it's a squirrel,

actually.

What are you talking about,

"is it a girl?"

Well I don't know.

You are pretty metro.

It's a Chinese girl.

I met her in China.

MAN:

What can I get for you?

We're gonna take

a Sugar Sally...

You were gone

for like three days!

- Three days!

- (whispering)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I don't know

what you want me to say.

I feel

so shitty now.

Don't feel shitty.

Let's go get

the Sugar Sallies.

No, f*** Sugar Sally!

F*** her up her sugary ass!

You're dumping me

for some Chinese girl?

We were never

really together.

Oh right, I forgot.

I'm only 16.

How are you gonna

maintain a relationship

With someone

I'm moving to Shanghai.

What?

I'm moving there.

To Shanghai?

Who moves to Shanghai?

No one does that!

- No one moves to Shanghai!

- I don't know. Lots of people!

I don't-- I don't know!

It just feels right.

You're just gonna

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