Shanghai Noon Page #6

I grab the gold,

You marry the princess.

We both hang Fong and call it a day.

Mission accomplished.

Well, well.

Nice to see

we're all churchgoers.

Son of a b*tch !

With my own guns !

Sweet, ain't it ?

[ Chuckles ]

How about that ?

It's a Mexican standoff.

Only we ain't got

no Mexicans.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

- [ Gunshot ]

- No !

Princess Pei Pei !

[Gunfire Continues]

[ Exhales ]

- I hit you ?

-[Van Cleef] No.

But you're gettin'

really close.

You've almost killed me,

like, 1 7 times already.

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty !

You're on fire today !

[ Panting ]

[ Gasps ]

[Gunfire Continues]

[Shouting In Chinese]

[ Screams ]

How do you survive

out here ?

What's that supposed to mean ? These

aren't my-- These guns are really weird.

[ Gasps ]

[ Clicking ]

Oh, man.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

- [ Groans ]

- Stay low !

[ Speaking Chinese ]

[ Screams ]

[ Screaming ]

Maybe we should let bygones be bygones.

You got off some good shots.

I got off some good ones.

Let's call it a tie.

What's the matter, O'Bannon ?

Out of bullets ?

No, I got one left.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll take out

all my bullets but one.

And that way, we'll be even.

How's that ?

Okay.

That sounds fair.

You'd do that for me ?

Oh, yeah.

[Shells Clattering]

You bet I would.

[ Bell Tolling ]

[ Yelling ]

- [ Groaning ]

-[Bell Tolling]

We come out on three.

I know,

but-but let me count.

Fight with honor.

Okay.

Fight with-- Okay.

One !

Two !

Two and a half!

Two and seven-eights !

Three !

[ Yelling ]

[ Yelling ]

How the hell did that happen ?

It's a miracle.

I am invincible.

Roy !

Invincible !

[ Groaning ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Groaning ]

- Now it's time for you to die.

- Adios, partner.

[ Groaning ]

[ Both Panting ]

Wow.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Roy !

He took the gold.

[Coin Clinks]

Is that all you care about

is the gold ?

[ Sighs ]

Shame on you.

There's more to life than money.

I hope you learn that one day.

What happened ?

What ? Nothing, nothing.

I just killed him. How'd you do ?

- How ?

- What do you mean, how ?

I shot him with my gun.

Come on.

Tell me the truth.

It was unbelievable. You missed

a miracle. I had one bullet left.

He had, like, a million left.

He lied to me and told me

that he only had one too.

But-But when--

But when he--

- She's staying ?

- Yes.

- Can I stand ?

-[Chuckles] Yes.

- [ Gunshot ]

- [ Gasps ]

Reach for the sky,

O'Bannon !

That's my line. He stole my gang,

he's stealing my lines.

- That's unbelievable.

- Roy ! Roy !

- Get back !

- Stop, stop. It's Wallace.

Hey, Roy,

we know you been moonlightin' on us with

that old yellow fella from the train !

You guys, you stay here.

This isn't your battle.

-[Wallace Continues Shouting]

- No, we stick together.

We are partners.

That's beautiful.

You go out the back door.

- No.

- Don't worry, Princess.

I promise you,

I will see you again.

That which you have promised...

you must perform.

-[Gunfire Continues]

- [ Speaking Chinese ]

- Get out of the way !

- Why ?

- Come on !

- Why ? What are you--

- What are you doing ? Are you crazy ?

- No, John, stop, stop.

They can't touch me. Something happened

back there. It was a miracle.

- There's no way--

-[Wallace] Hey, smart-ass !

Do you hear me ?

Time's up, O'Bannon !

It's the end of the line !

- We can take these guys.

Yep, we can take them.

-[Gunfire]

[Wallace] Are you comin' out

or ain't you ?

Gun.

You really are

the Shanghai Kid.

Nice riding with you,

partner.

We go out on three.

I count.

No, I count.

We'll both count.

[ Together ]

One, two, three !

[ Yelling ]

[Gunfire]

[ Yelling, Whooping ]

- Indians ! Look out !

- No ! My family ! My family !

- Friends. Brothers !

-[Wallace] Roy !

I gotta tell ya, we always

figured you for a dumb sh*t, but, uh,

we was thinkin' maybe you wanna

come back and rejoin the gang.

- So, uh, what do you say ?

- Yeah, what do you say ?

I think I'm just

gonna wing it.

All right.

-And you are goin ' to jail.

- That works too.

[Cheering, Whooping]

How, kimosabe !

How, kimosabe !

[Fireworks Exploding]

Oh, it's nice to be

standing here next to you.

I don't think I've ever gotten

a chance to Thank you for--

for saving us

so many times.

I wish you could understand what--

I feel like there's this gap between us.

It's like, I'm a cowboy,

you're an Indian.

You say "wampum,"

I say " money."

At a certain point,

I just think--

Shut up, Roy.

You talk too much.

Did-Did--

She just--

[ Horn Blaring ]

[O'Bannon] There she is, right

on time, carrying a big, fat payroll.

- Oh.

-[Horse Snorts ]

I don't know if I'll ever

get used to this one.

Don't worry.

You'll get used to it.

I can guarantee you, we won't get half

as many girls being lawmen.

I know we're spoken for,

but--

You never know what's gonna

happen in a relationship.

I gotta get rid of my outlaw name.

That's not gonna work any more.

Really ?

What would you call yourself ?

I don't know. I mean,

my real name's Wyatt Earp, but--

Earp ? That's a terrible name

for a cowboy.

- Why ?

- Bad.

- Really ?

- Bad!

-And John Wayne's a great cowboy name ?

- Roy, look.

There they are.

Yep. Look at those amateurs.

That's my move !

Come on, Roy.

Let's go say " howdy."

Let's go !

Hyah ! Hyah !

- Yee-haw !

- Yee-haw !

[ Whinnying ]

- Yee-haw !

- Yee-haw !

[Man] Scene up.

That which you have promised...

- you must perform.

-[Telephone Rings ]

- Hello.

-[Crew Laughing]

He was part of your

" rushimiant--"

What ? Regiment.

[Wilson] He's one of your bandits.

He's one of your--

He's one of your--

He was part of your regiment

of "dentists."

Bandits. Dentists ?

-[Glass Shattering]

- Wow ! Sh*t !

He didn't teeth brush

this morning.

- What is this thing ?

- No !

[Crew Laughing]

You can't do stunts,

man.

- Because I'm gonna be a cowboy, baby

-[ Groans ]

- What's this princess like ?

-[Bubbles Surfacing]

[Crew Laughing]

I got air bubbles

coming out of my thing.

Uno mas, please.

- Uno mas --

-[Crew Laughing]

Thanks, Fido.

[ Together ]

One, two, three !

- [ Yelling ]

- Sh*t !

- Thank you so much, Princess.

You're so good.

- [ Laughing ]

Princess !

Oh, I love you so much.

[O'Bannon] I'm talking to you!

Turn around!

Ask me if I give a sh*t.

I might walk a little funny

but my walk is me

I might stutter when I talk

but I say what I see

I don't agree with every other

little thing that's proven

I do a lot of things

that I shouldn't be doin '

I ruin everything

you might've had in mind

I'm a consistent, belligerent

solidified mind

Rhinestone freak

Suburban style

I ain't got no money

And I got no car

I might make par

if it don't take much

I gotta ride very far

'cause I ride on luck

I stay pretty stuck

in a rut like I should

And I do it for the love

of everything's that's still good

I don't know why I come here

But I know I'll never leave

It's the only place

I wanna be

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