Sharktopus.vs.Whalewolf Page #2

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What kind of doctor are you?

Do not worry, Mr. Rosa.

I studied with the best.

Will it hurt?

Oh, yes, Mr. Rosa.

I hope so.

( HYDRAULICS WHIRRING )

( SCREAMING )

( SOFT DRUMS PLAYING )

Okay.

All rise! For his eminence,

Chief Francois Tiny!

Sit down.

Can I offer you a drink?

Whiskey.

With or without

the chicken blood?

Straight.

Wah! This generosity

is well appreciated.

Christian charity.

Hallelujah.

Ave Maria.

You see Catholic priest, they

worship the same god I do.

But in they hearts, they only

have room for one god.

But Tiny's heart? C'est grande.

That's why they call me

a Voodoo priest.

It's an outrage.

Oui! It's an outrage!

The police, they hunt me

day and night.

If you think that I have

any influence with

Inspector Morales.

I mean, she hates me more

than she hates you.

Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh.

( SCREAMING CONTINUES )

( HITTING BALL )

( CROWD CHEERING )

ROSA (DISTORTED)

I hit the balls into outer

space.

How was that?

More... more.

More.

No, I don't think that

would be a good idea.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

No!

Please... stop!

If you had lived, you might have

been something special.

Guten abend.

( SOFT DRUMS PLAYING )

Tell me about that

creature you saw.

Who, us?

It was a gray--

Did it look like this?

Yes. What is it?

Le Sharktopus? Dude, seriously,

you don't have internet?

That thing was in Mexico

six months ago.

Then off to America,

it was all over Facebook.

The damn thing

has a Twitter account.

He already followed me back,

and he's trending topic.

I told you, man,

thing's got mad juju.

A friend.

When you bring me

the sharktopus heart...

I will make magie d'amour

so strong, that no woman will

be able to resist me.

Not that I need it.

Me being a superstar,

I dust 'em off like flies.

Hey, maybe you can hook me up,

and I get a shot with your

sister.

If you touch her,

I'll cut off your balls.

And make him eat 'em.

I'll give you

until noon tomorrow.

I'm glad that you think so

highly of me as a fisherman...

but this fish is not your

average marlin.

I mean, maybe we can make

another trade.

I could give you Pablo.

What?

Captain Ray, this is

not a request.

It is a must-do thing.

All right, off you go.

Guten abend guten nacht

( SINGING IN GERMAN )

( OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING )

Auf wiedersehen.

( DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES UP )

( DISTANT HOWLING )

A human subject with a high

tolerance for steroids...

is vital to the success

of combining various animal

DNA to the host DNA.

Their prize is hybrid DNA, and

slowly be consumed from the

inside out of this new being.

No, you will not hurt me.

If you do,

who will care for you?

You're better this way.

Free from the constraints

of human morality.

( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )

You are beautiful.

Papi... Grande.

Still the hothead, I see.

But of course,

you're a little grumpy.

You've had nothing to eat.

What about a little rat-wurst?

Oh... I see...

well, a scientist must be

prepared to make sacrifices

for her work.

Bon appetit.

( MOANS )

I believe you are still a work

in progress, Mr. Rosa.

Please sit.

Sit!

Hmm... you definitely overdid it

with the treatment.

Your human DNA is rapidly

disintegrating. It's all very

unstable.

You really should be dead,

Mr. Rosa.

Moon.

There must have been

some catalyst...

something that triggered the

initial transformation.

Some kind of radiation.

( DISTANT HOWLING )

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

Moonlight?

Well, wolves are certainly

sensitive to the moon, and orca?

The tides? Why not?

( GROWLING )

( SHRIEKING )

Know what, man?

Next time, I'm leaving

you in jail.

You always say that.

Hey, you think Tiny would notice

if we gave him a cow's heart

instead?

Chief Tiny's not the kind of man

we want to mess around with.

Hey!

Oh!

Hey!

Hey, look who it is!

Hah-hah!

Yeah.

Man, haven't been

on this boat in ages.

So, um, what brings you

around here, Nita?

You were right, Ray.

About... what?

About the shark thing...

I saw it last night.

That must have been very

exciting for you.

Ray, it killed two girls.

You must come down to the

station with me, make

a full report.

They won't believe me,

otherwise.

Hah-hah, people can be

such skeptics.

Yeah, they're not

gonna believe her.

Uh, hey, listen, we're--

we're about to head out.

So, unless you're gonna arrest

me, this will have to wait.

You have a charter?

We're gonna go fishing.

Uh... pleasure fishing.

Such a terrible liar, Ray.

It's one of your few

redeeming qualities.

Nita, we're going after it.

Really?

Yes, really.

Then I'm coming with you.

Oh, no! It's too dangerous.

What he said. It's--

it's really dangerous and--

It will be more dangerous

without me, Ray.

No, no, no.

Okay, darling.

Okay?

But let me give you a little

refresher course on maritime

conduct.

As you say, you have not been

onboard in a long time.

This is my boat!

I'm the captain. While onboard,

you will love, fear,

and obey me.

If you don't, you will walk

the plank, swab the deck,

or clean the head...

depending on my mood.

Are we clear, Inspector?

Permission to come aboard,

Capitan?

Take off your shoes first.

( MUSIC CHANGES )

Excuse me.

Nita! Long time, no see!

Hey, Captain Phil!

You know, I got a reputation out

here as an eligible bachelor.

You're gonna spoil it.

( ENGINE STARTS )

We have to go further

up the shore.

It was way past the second buoy

when I saw it.

Hey, Pablo! One of the deck

hands is talking to me out

of turn.

[PABLO]

Make her walk the plank.

I know you don't want to hear

this, Ray, but I'm actually kind

of enjoying being out here.

Hmm.

You know what?

He kind of misses you bad.

( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )

( MUSIC CHANGES )

Dr. Reinhardt?

Oh, dear... late night?

I had a visitor.

Doctor, you gotta stop

with these one-night stands.

They'll be the death of you.

Don't be such a prude, Nurse.

It is your old-fashioned

attitudes about sex...

that are gonna show

your true age.

That policeman, Huerta,

called last night.

Perhaps we'd better take

precautions.

I made a breakthrough. It was

simply a matter of dosage.

Doctor, if you keep working like

this, you're not gonna live long

enough to enjoy your success.

Oh, I'll live. It's the rest

of you that I'm worried about.

( GASPS )

Doctor! What kind

of visitor was this?

Why don't you ask him yourself.

He's been waiting all morning

to eat you.

( GROWLING )

I'm really sorry, it's just that

he wanted to taste a brunette.

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

Oh, my god! Help!

( CRUNCHING )

It's not like sonar

on a submarine.

I can only see

what's underneath me.

( SONAR BEEPING )

In fact, I think we just went

over something.

Pablo, come take the helm!

Okay!

Wait 'til we get to the middle

of the channel and I say hard

to port.

Hard to port.

All right.

We're gonna get this thing.

Keep your eye on him.

I got it!

When we get close enough,

I'm gonna try to tag him

with this buoy!

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