Sharktopus.vs.Whalewolf Page #6

---

this strong, masculine facade...

is a renaissance man, the one

that women would want to live

with for the rest of their life.

The one that your mother

says is a keeper!

Just look at the files, Ray.

Are you kidding me, girlfriend,

I have no idea...

no clue how to even get on that

internet, webby thingy.

( ISLAND MUSIC PLAYING )

This is before.

Hmm.

And this is the after.

What, you dyed your hair?

That's the same face.

What happened to your massive

plastic surgery?

I'm a natural beauty.

As your agent, I have to tell

you, there are very few roles

for women...

in the late, late, twilight

of their career.

But I feel so much younger!

I have the legs

of an 18-year-old.

Are you keeping them

in the freezer?

You know, I was thinking,

we should submit to that

horror movie.

As one of the zombies.

No, the sexy college student.

I don't think I heard

that right.

The island breeze has

rejuvenated me.

I know you did horror when you

were younger, but movies are

different now.

They have sound.

( RUMBLING )

There's no way on earth you can

be cast as a scream queen!

Are you trying to audition?

Oh, no, no--

I'm sorry, that scream

is just not believable.

( BELCHES )

Reinhardt never worked in any

weapons program.

She mostly worked

with actresses and athletes.

If I only knew which one.

What good would that do?

I don't know, we could find

out the weakness.

Wait! That's Felix Rosa.

What about him?

In the lab, when that thing

grabbed the stick from Pablo...

and swung and hit him?

That swing, that was Felix Rosa.

How do you know?

When that SOB tanked in the

series against Boston...

I lost two grand. I'd know

that lousy swing anywhere.

Yeah, but why would it be

after Sharktopus?

Rosa was always kind of a prat.

You know, he's one of those

guys that thinks he's

the top dog.

Kindred spirit, Ray?

When his RBI's started to

fade...

he started swinging at refs,

fans, women, anything

he could hit.

Now that's a relief.

What?

Now don't get me wrong, Ray.

Monsters fighting in the city...

it's going to kill

the tourist trade.

But random violence, it's better

than organized aggression.

If one of those creatures was

controlled by somebody...

following orders?

That would be a real problem.

Well--

What?

Chief Tiny, I mean, he's an

eccentric guy, I mean, but his

master plan...

I mean, it wouldn't really work,

I mean, cock fights, yes--

What does Chief Tiny

have to do with this?

He-- well-- he may have a way

to control Sharktopus.

Are you involved in this,

too, Ray?

Involved is sort of a gray area.

I gotta get there now!

No, no, no, you don't!

I can talk to him.

Maybe I can get him

to help us out.

Look, you just stay here.

You gotta find his weakness.

You got the computer, find his

weakness. He likes to hit

balls and women.

Balls and women.

( CHANTING )

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

It's still missing something.

Easy, fellas!

Yes, yes, I understand.

Thank you.

That was the Undersecretary

of Defense.

He said he's ready to call in an

air strike, but he's worried

about civilian casualties.

He won't give the order unless

the creatures are in an isolated

location.

Isolated? How are we gonna do

that if we don't even know

where they are?

Think, think.

I'm trying.

The lab is destroyed, Rosa

doesn't have a home on the

island.

If you were Whalewolf,

where would you go?

I don't know, the mountains?

The jungle?

Hey, maybe they swam

to Florida by now.

He's Dominican, not Cuban.

That's it!

The only place a Dominican

baseball player would go...

the baseball stadium.

Make a u-turn, we just need

both creatures there,

then call the airstrike.

We found this guy lurking

outside.

I wasn't lurking, I was

knocking, there's a difference.

What are you doing here?

I know you told me to like

leave the island...

but, well, I got this teeny,

tiny--

teeny, tiny, tiny favor, Tiny?

Teeny...

Allez vous. You ain't got

nothing left to offer me.

There's another-- there's

another creature.

I mean, if you-- if you can

control Sharktopus--

If?

Perfect! Perfect!

You get Sharktopus to eat

likikata...

and the President said that

he'll pardon you.

Hah-hah, hah.

My dear Captain Ray...

with Sharktopus...

( SPEAKING FRENCH )

With the aid of this voodoo

doll, my b*tch...

I will be the government.

And besides, I already heard

of this new demon.

And I will control him, too...

like Sharktopus with this,

though.

Well, if you're not gonna help,

then you leave me no choice!

I will use my judu-kung-fu-ro...

And then you'll come on this,

how do you say...

then you'll be my b*tch!

You think I'm an idiot!

How about we just have a drink?

I am the great Chief Francois,

descendant of the last Tonga

king!

Don't you think I would know

these parlor tricks?

Uh, absolutely.

But since you want to play

this juju game...

I will teach you a lesson

on how it's really done.

This is mean-man etouffle,

Sharktopus stew.

It already gives me insight

into the mind of Sharktopus.

The Sharktopus voodoo doll

is the key!

And with the tentacle,

it is activated.

But the bond will be stronger...

if we add some sacrificial

blood... human blood.

Take him to the alley

and gut him.

Now, what part of the government

do I destroy first?

How--

Son of a--

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

Oh, Sharktopussy, mega-puss!

You let him go?

You idiots!

So now I know what

kung-fu juju does.

Vamos! Rapido!

Is that everyone?

Yes.

Good.

( PHONE RINGING )

RAY (OVER PHONE)

Nita!

Ray, what's up?

Well, you know, same old,

same old... where are you?

The baseball stadium.

I thought given its history,

Whalewolf might be here.

But I need Sharktopus here, too.

Well, I might be able to help,

if I can find just find the on

switch...

on this voodoo doll.

Shoot-- uh--

( MUTTERING IN FRENCH )

Ray? Ray?

Nita, Nita! Nita!

( PHONE BEEPING )

Pablo!

Hey, over here!

How's that net coming?

No sign of Whalewolf!

That buys us time. It's not like

a boat's engine, you know?

But we're gonna get there.

I think it's gonna hold.

It only needs to hold

for a few minutes...

long enough to jolt them.

Perfect, then we just need

the creatures.

Can you give me a hand?

Let's get the other side.

Sure.

So exactly how's this gonna

work, Pablo?

Well, this net is made

out of metal.

We're gonna run 60,000 volts

through it...

and whatever touches it,

is gonna go up in flames.

That will hold him

until the jets come here.

I'm completely lost.

Ah, who am I kidding, I have no

clue how to turn this thing on.

It is very simple, Captain Ray.

You just have to feel it.

That was for your insolence,

this is for your doubt.

Feel that!

Get mama.

I'm-- I'm--

I'm a ve--

This really works.

I've got the juju!

I've got the juju!

I control you!

Friends?

I guess not.

I hate sharks!

( DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES )

Oh, there's something fishy

about this place.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes