Sharktopus.vs.Whalewolf Page #5

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Big.

More than 100 pounds?

Yeah--

Well, we--

And he had very big fins when he

was a puppy, so probably still

growing.

He likes people,

fresh if you can get some.

Is there any chance you could

take the dog with you?

Because there are hundreds

of animals in our shelter...

and it's likely we'll have to

put him down.

Oh, good luck with that one.

Wait a minute, I think

I hear him.

Go away! We are through! Get in

the water and swim away!

Go! Shoo! Shoo!

Maybe I take you for a walk

later if you are good.

Oh, it's nothing,

it's just dry cleaning.

( GROWLS )

I was thinking of getting

you a cat to play with.

Do not do anything rash,

Mr. Rosa.

I'm really more of a cat person.

( SCREAMING )

Come on.

Anybody in there?

This is the police.

We don't have a warrant.

Check around back?

Door was open

when we got here.

Dr. Reinhardt?

( EERIE MUSIC PLAYING )

Dr. Reinhardt?

Dr. Reinhardt!

( MUSIC CONTINUES )

Dr. Reinhardt?

Huerta?

( GUN FIRING )

Is that you?

Bingo. Huerta!

Huerta, get in here!

This is it!

[HUERTA] Nita!

Huerta?

Nita...

Huerta!

Get out!

What happened?

Get out.

Huerta! Huerta.

( CLANKING )

Run!

Dr. Reinhardt... what the

hell have you done?

The ultimate experiment.

All my life, I was trying

to make the perfect person.

But there is no such thing.

( GROWLING )

Oh, you had success! You brought

me the creature's heart.

Well, what makes Sharktopus

special is that he's got...

tentacles.

Yeah, you know?

You know, because all sharks

have heart, there's nothing

special about a heart.

You see the problem

with Americans?

I'm telling you--

No sense of romance.

The heart is always the most

important part.

But for my purposes,

this may work.

Guess we better lock up all the

women and young ladies.

What are you talking about?

Oh, you think I need the

Sharktopus to make a--

Love potion #9.

Yeah, sure.

No, the Sharktopus is way

too strong.

Why should I waste it?

You said it.

It was your infer--

I don't need two drunken fools

to tell me my business.

Oh, no, he's the drunk,

I'm in rehab.

Captain Ray, do you like

to go to rooster fights?

What, no, I'm against cruelty

to animals.

Ssh.

Francois Tiny loves it very

much.

Yes, us, too,

we go all the time.

I don't judge. I don't judge.

In my house in the country,

we have an entire room dedicated

to my prized cock.

I treat them very well,

you know... good food,

air conditioning.

That's right.

I treat my cock better

than I treat these men.

Yeah... air condition--

That's unfortunate.

No! It is a great success.

Yes, Chief Tiny's cock is the

biggest, the strongest,

in the island.

I'm undefeated!

You want to know my secret?

Please, no more secrets.

I don't want to know

anything else.

My cock loves to fight.

'Cause I have too much juju.

Here it comes.

Like these men, each more

loyal than the other.

'Cause they feel it... in here!

( GRUNTS )

[MAN]

Yuck.

( CHICKENS SQUAWKING )

Oh, I can feel it!

Sharktopus and I will be one!

Off you go!

Your debt is paid.

My men will escort you

to your boat.

That's how you treat people.

You are to leave this island,

never to return.

That's not part of the bargain.

You're right, it is not

a bargain.

It is a must-do thing.

Chief Tiny--

Off with them.

Tiny, I mean, god--

[RAY]

Let's go.

( ISLAND MUSIC PLAYING )

If today is my last day

on this god forsaken island...

I'm gonna subject myself

to her abuse one last time.

( PHONE RINGING )

Hey, Ray, thank god it's you.

No, Nita, I'm calling to say

goodbye. I'm--

Shut it! Listen, I'm in a clinic

at 22nd and Republic Avenue.

A clinic? Are you pregnant?

What?

Is Nita pregnant?

No!

No, no, no, she's not pregnant.

Oh!

Ahh!

Call it in, the creature's here.

Look, can we make a pit stop?

Ah, no!

Pablo'll make it worth

your while.

What?

Oh, no!

He'll wear that dress you like!

That sounds good.

( SCREAMING )

Nita!

What the hell is this place?

Nita! I hate hybrids.

Let me hit it!

Nita! Get up!

Nita!

Nice shot!

Get the laptop.

Get the laptop!

I'm getting her to the car!

( YELLING IN SPANISH )

What do you think you're doing?

Wait, wait!

Why did you get out?

Likikata!

Seatbelts!

He's eating them!

He's eating them!

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

You should let me drive!

You're still under the

influence, look at your neck!

So are you!

Yeah, Nita, he's been driving

like that for 20 years.

Go faster!

Ray, it's coming!

It's coming, Ray!

Oh, my god, look at thing!

Look out!

It's fast!

Go faster, man!

Go, you gotta go faster!

[RAY]

Hang on!

Nita, Nita, are you with me?

Come on, stay with me, Nita!

( SHIP HORN BLARING )

Hey, get these cars off my

bridge, I got a tanker

coming through.

[RAY]

We lost it.

Look out!

What the--

They're moving the bridge!

We're trapped!

[PABLO]

We gotta get out of here, man.

That thing's right behind us!

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

[NITA]

What? No! We can't--

Hold on!

What are those idiots still

doing on the bridge?

[MAN]

What is that thing?

Oh, my god!

Oh, my--

Hold on!

Oh, my--

( MUSIC CONTINUES )

Holy mack--

Agh, man!

Where are you going?

I'm getting you to the hospital!

But you're leading them right

into the middle of the city,

Ray!

Take me to the hospital, man!

And of course, Columbus never

discovered the Indian spices he

was looking for.

But he did bring back a host

of new plants and animals,

never before seen in Europe.

The avocado, the tomato, the

turkey, and, of course, the--

Not the pigeons!

Agh!

( DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES )

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):

The nightmare scene

unfolding...

as two mutant creatures wage

war in the streets of the

capital.

We go now to live footage

from the Central Plaza.

Who watches this crap?

Agh!

Sorry, man!

Your arm, sorry.

Agh! Please!

I'll get a nurse. I'll get a

nurse, hold on.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):

The situation is under

control...

and that injuries from these

attacks have been minimal.

Excuse me, ma'am, my friend's

in a lot of pain.

We'll be with you in a moment.

Sorry, Pablo, can I get

you anything?

Actually, can you get me a soda?

Do you got any change?

Just let me know if you have

any updates.

How's Pablo?

Ah, he's okay.

He keeps saying it's my fault.

I think he's laying the

groundwork for a workman's comp

claim.

How's your neck?

It's fine.

Listen, Sharktopus and Whalewolf

are destroying the city.

Now we've lost track of them.

Did you just say Whalewolf?

You got a better name?

Uh-uh.

I gotta figure out where

Whalewolf is and what it wants

from Reinhardt's laptop.

She was splicing together genes

from every corner of the

animal kingdom.

I don't get this.

Here, let me take a look.

Okay, Professor Brady...

please explain it to me.

You know what? That's always

been your problem, Nita.

Now I just saved your life for

what, the second time today?

And you'd think that you could

give me some credit.

Sorry.

Thank you, Ray.

You ever thought that underneath

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