Sharktopus.vs.Whalewolf Page #4

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Okay, you are going

to be an outdoor pet.

You should wait 15 minutes

before you go swimming!

DISPATCH (OVER RADIO)

Attention, all units, there

is a gang fight at Pier 4.

That's just a few blocks away.

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

This is Huerta and Morales,

we're on our way.

Everybody go! Run away!

( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )

[MAN]

Go! Let's go!

What the hell is that?

Wait!

( MUSIC CONTINUES )

What the hell is that?

Beats me.

This is a gang fight?

[HUERTA]

Got any ideas?

Oh, look! Shoot the tanks!

You know what, Ray?

If the wind stays down, we can

make it to Belize by nightfall

Tuesday.

A toast.

Not another one.

To another successful retreat

in the face of personal

responsibility.

I'll toast... for the ones

that got away.

And they always go.

To Nita.

That calls out for the good

stuff.

I save it here, because I knew

you wouldn't find it.

But we gotta finish this first.

Oh, sure.

( SOFT DRUMS PLAYING )

It's the good stuff, man.

Ooh!

Agh! Agh! Oh, my god!

That's the good stuff, right?

What's in that bottle?

It's the good stuff!

Ah, the good stuff.

Oh, I love it.

So much better.

Oh, it's burning! Agh!

Agh! Agh!

It's voodoo!

It's the voodoo man!

What?

We didn't give him the heart!

And now he's punishing us!

Ow!

You don't really believe

that voodoo crap!

Whoa! You don't put

a needle in there!

TINY (OVER RADIO)

Captain Ray, how are you

feeling today?

Peachy.

Listen, that whole sharktopus

thing, it's-- it's too

dangerous!

Okay, okay, I get the point!

Captain Ray, I am a man

of many virtues.

But patience is not one of them.

You will bring me

the creature's heart.

Oh, my god.

Okay, okay.

What the hell was that?

The tentacles, I've seen before,

the other one is new.

DISPATCH (OVER RADIO)

Inspector Morales, repeat the

previous message.

We need an ambulance

and a SWAT team!

DISPATCH (OVER RADIO)

No, no, the part about the

half-whale, half-wolf.

Just send your men!

DISPATCH (OVER RADIO)

If this is somebody's idea of a

joke--

It's no joke! Call the Navy, the

President, maybe the Pope!

I don't know!

I don't think they're

listening to us.

Maybe we need silver bullets.

It's gonna take more than that.

Damn it, Pablo!

Oh, man!

I told you we can't make a

weapon out of household

appliances!

Now we have no way to kill

Sharktopus.

And no blender... it was my

favorite blender, man.

( MUTTERING IN SPANISH )

DISPATCH (OVER RADIO)

Attention, the Coast Guard has

issued a small craft advisory.

Sharktopus!

All ships must stay in port--

They're trying to evacuate

people, so they won't cause

a panic.

So what do we do now?

I've got a better idea.

Ah...

Look, you don't have to be

afraid of anything, okay?

But the other girl--

The other girl, she's gone,

my dear, and you know what

that means.

You have the opportunity to find

the love of your life on

national television.

Besides, we are miles away.

You're totally safe.

Okay?

Alex! Lock it up!

Carrie.

Jenn.

Carrie... I really never

expected to have to make another

decision so quickly.

And we got it going on

in the hot tub.

But, frankly, your reaction to

the violent death of my last

soul-mate...

showed me a whole, different

side of you.

And they said season 27

was getting stale, huh?

And, Jenn, obviously, I was

ready to say goodbye to you,

but I am a man of faith...

and I wonder if He isn't trying

to tell me something by sparing

your life.

[WOMAN]

If you take the flower,

you'll die!

I don't want any flower.

I don't want it, either.

They don't want the flower!

This is ridiculous!

There's nothing to be afraid of!

It's just an ordinary and

average flower.

Mike, give it to me!

But I don't know

if you share my faith.

You, you, and you, follow me.

( LAUGHING )

Now, toughen up! This is

a dangerous business.

You know how many men died

filming The Hills? Huh?

( BEASTLY GROWLING )

( SCREAMING )

( HOWLING )

Who cares about the gangs?

These things ate half the gangs.

Get eyes on these things!

Sounds like werewolf's

on the move. You want

to follow him?

Not until we figure out

what we're dealing with.

What? All you think about

is food.

You don't need a scientist,

you need a maid.

Somebody to feed you

and clean up your slime.

( WHINES )

Well, I am going.

Not that you care.

I thought we had something

special.

A chance to revolutionize

the study of genetics.

Maybe even create a master race

in our own image.

Tell me it was all worth it.

That you're going to do

something bold with your life.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Please, please, not on the face.

( ISLAND MUSIC PLAYING )

This was your better idea, man?

Just to get us drunk?

Captain Phil!

Hey, did you catch anything?

Poquino!

Got some bites today!

Wow.

You know, when I was a little

boy, I had this model plane...

and I wanted to put it together,

it was so cool.

But I couldn't figure that thing

out for the life of me, so--

Wait a minute.

When I was smarter and bigger

and taller and handsomer, I

would--

I've seen that model!

I've seen it!

You don't know that plane.

I threw it away a while ago,

I was cleaning up.

I was afraid you were

sniffing the glue.

Thanks, Pablo. I hated that

plane thing!

It made me feel like such a

freakin' idiot!

According to the internet,

Sharktopus was some kind

of a genetic weapon.

But there's no mention of a

Whalewolf, or anything like

that.

There must be a clue...

somewhere.

Hey! What about her?

The steroids doctor?

You said she was advanced.

Yeah, yeah, but come on.

Dr. Elsa Reinhardt,

German national, studied

medicine at Oxford...

and molecular biology at MIT.

She's on the No Fly List.

Her clinic is right on the

route, only a couple of miles

from the first attack.

You ready for this?

Reinhardt used to work in the

same clinic where Sharktopus

was created.

You want to call in SWAT?

No, let's check it out first.

I'll drive.

( MUTTERS IN SPANISH )

You know, I'm gonna get him to

fix us something new, 'cause

this is stale.

It's really stale.

Captain Phil! Hey! Pss...

Captain Phil, you got

any fish you could spare?

Hey, man, hey, you okay, man?

Captain Phil?

( RUMBLING )

Agh! Agh!

Pablo! Pablo!

Agh! Agh! Pablo!

Pablo! Pablo!

Hey! Cut me loose!

Cut me loose!

Go! Let's go, man!

Thank you, Pablo! Thank you!

We're eventually gonna kill it

and take its heart!

You crazy? This is way better.

Maybe we can take this

to Chief Tiny.

It counts for effort.

Here.

You carry it.

I'll do the talking.

GEORGE (OVER PHONE)

Hello, Humane Society, this is

George, how may I help you?

I need to give my animal away,

quickly.

Uh, okay, is there a reason

you're relinquishing your pet?

I am changing my name

and I'm leaving the country.

Is the animal housebroken?

The house is broke, yeah.

Uh, what's the breed?

Mixed.

Uh, any idea of its heritage?

No, I made him from scratch.

Uh, ma'am, I'm really just

trying to get an idea

of his size.

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