Shock Treatment Page #3

- It's really very nice.

The material is imported.

Taiwanese.

Damn it, Emily.

She's not interested.

What are you trying to do,

Harry, start an argument?

Don't you want your daughter

to look pretty?

Who's she got

to look pretty for?

- She's got a husband.

- She's got a weirdo!

I've never been able to afford the time

to have a nervous breakdown!

- Oh, poor Brad.

- Thank God he was born an orphan.

It would have killed

his parents.

And thank goodness he hasn't ended up

like that Slepstrini boy.

What are you talking about? Danny

Slepstrini's a chip off the old block.

I played 18 holes of golf

with his father just last week...

and Hank says that Danny's moved

to New York to... better himself.

He moved, all right...

when they found him at the back of

Wilson's Bakery... naked...

with 15 other men.

Mexicans.

I'm gonna catch up on a few jobs

that need doing outside!

- You shouldn't have said that.

- But why?

Your father doesn't

like Mexicans.

Your father doesn't

like Mexicans.

A man should call the toss

Wear the pants

and be the boss

A man should be the drake

For his own damned sake

And men should be

the misters

And the masters

of their sisters

A man should be the reason

For a heart to break

So be moral Don't quarrel

Fair and square is best

Let me alert you

that virtue

Won't hurt you

or desert you

If you wear hair

on your chest

So always remember

to follow the rules

Box clever Jocks never

Hock another jock's tools

A man should wax a car

Fix a fuse and tend a bar

A man should like his brow

to be wet with sweat

And should know

the right occasions

To indulge in tax evasions

A man should know the settings

that his spark plugs get

Faggots are maggots

Thank God I'm a man

What a meal!

Scrumptious, meine Liebling.

I insist on the recipe.

Coming from a gourmet,

that's praise indeed. But... secrets.

With Fast-Food Farley at the helm,

it'll probably be TV dinners from now on.

Farley is already

a TVwinner as we shall see.

Dentonvale will run forever

now that his interest...

has embraced mental hygiene.

Our field.

I'm convinced there's

some kind of conspiracy.

- Conspiracy?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, that sounds

a little far-fetched.

Oh, I don't know.

Remember Lieutenant Orpheus?

He disappeared into that underworld series

and never came back.

Sounds like my husband.

He never came back either.

Not after Flavors gave

him a commercial break.

Oh, yes, Farley Flavors.

You know, I find it remarkable...

that his Faith Factory is being financed

by an entire nation's indigestion.

Who do you think gave

you the next episode?

So thatJanet will

be free to front line...

the new Faith Factory show.

- We're the experts.

- Who trusts experts?

WhyJanet?

Everyone loves

the girl next door.

Particularly Farley.

So it seems.

Come in.

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I just came to give you this.

- Thank you.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Hi.

We'd better get going.

Tomorrow's the big one, and Farley expects.

Oh, you bet.

- I guess we'd better leave you young things to it.

- Good-bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Oh, Ralph.

- Yeah?

- Shove it!

- Oh, you shove it too, Betty!

Alimony is just

another word for rape.

Conspiracy is right.

- The Denton Dossier is-

- Closed.

Dentonvale.

Special guest star,

Janet Majors.

- Janet!

- I've come to see Brad.

That's out of the question.

He's sleeping like a baby.

- It's you we're concerned about, Janet.

- Yes, Janet, how are you?

- Are you happy?

- Oh, I'm happy.

There are countless people

in this world, Janet...

who believe that they're happy.

But they only think

they're happy.

Oh, well, that doesn't

make any sense.

This might, Janet.

And a big Denton welcome

to my new delegation.

This is Farley

and I'm here with the score.

We're going to package and sell

some mental health to the nation...

with my dream

of the girl next door.

Oh, why aren't they doing

tomorrow's new dance steps

The way they used

to yesterday

And who draws

a perfect circle anymore

And if you're waiting for greatness

to shake hands with you

You'd better daydream

your life away

I've only wanted one thing

and that's for sure

You're not just looking

at a fast-food king

Just another

well-known face

You're not looking

at the king of anything

I'm gonna shoot for the moon

I'm gonna play high noon

I'm gonna take on

the entire human race

You're not looking

at a king

You're looking at an ace

Ooh, I got sight

and I've seen the light

And I'm gonna see

the coming day

When the sun in the sky

is a spotlight

Just for me

I'm gonna take my time

and rock some rhyme

Oh, it's gonna take

your breath away

You'll be the front page

rage of the age

Just wait and see

You're not just looking

at a fast-food king

Just another

well-known face

You're not looking

at the king of anything

We're gonna shoot for the moon

We're gonna play high noon

We're gonna take on

the entire human race

You're not looking at a king

No, no, no, no, no

You're looking at an ace

You're looking at an ace

You're looking at a goddamned ace

You're looking at an ace

You're looking at an ace

You're looking at an ace

You're looking

at an a-a-a-ace

I just love home movies,

don't you?

Time's tight, Janet.

Do it right, Janet.

Until tomorrow night...

Janet.

Well, Farley Flavors

is fairly fattering.

But I want to see Brad.

The question is, Janet,

does Brad want to see you?

- Quite frankly, he hates you.

- What do you mean?

Brad is harboring deep feelings

of hostility towards you, Janet.

- Towards me?

- It's classical.

Almost a textbook case.

Oh, no!

That's an extremely

negative response.

Yes, Janet. Leave

the crying to Brad.

Is it because

I'm becoming too popular?

On the contrary, Janet,

he wants to see your ratings soar.

He needs a woman of

exceptional desirability.

So, you see, Janet...

you can help us to help him.

Maybe I can.

Stand by for Faith Factory rehearsal.

I bet that Macy Struthers

had a hand in this.

We'll probably be replaced by an hour

of fashion tips.

- Now, Betty, don't overreact.

- Overreact?

You're the one with

theories about conspirac...

- Oliver?

- Yes, Betty?

Are you spoken for

this evening?

All right, you guys.

An early start tomorrow forJanet's debut

on Good Morning Denton.

By the time we unveil

Farley's Faith Factory show...

we'll have all earned

our beauty sleep.

- Could I just peep in on Brad before I go home?

- Home?

Home.

This is the nerve center

of operations, Janet.

You must stay here tonight.

That way we can all be together...

when Mr. Sun paints us a new day

with his golden brush.

And you can "peep in"

on Brad in the morning.

Morning?

Are all the beds made up?

Oh, yes! I've plumped up

all the pillows, changed...

- Then lock up for the night.

- Okay!

Clever of you to find this spot, Betty.

It pays to know

your way around, Oliver.

I thought the Home of Happiness would

give your theory a new perspective.

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