Short Circuit Page #7

Number Five to pieces by now.

- Where are you guys going?

- Who's asking?

A wise guy.

Excuse this.

And this.

Hey, Cut it out!

Numskulls.

Cars. Dumb machines.

That creep.

I should have known. Every time

I think a guy's gonna be okay...

turns out to be a real jerk.

They are all alike!

All of them!

Stephanie...

Well, the next time they mess

with us, we're gonna kick ass.

Kick ass?

Donkey, mule, burro...

One of them comes near you,

you blast them!

Just burn his butt

with your laser.

- Burn?

- Yeah!

No!

No disassemble.

Number Five, come on,

they deserve it.

Stephanie.

Jesus, I'm sorry.

I just...

I don't know what

to do anymore.

Take heart little lady.

I'll fix their wagon.

Well, the cat is dragged in a sight

for four eyes that is for sure.

You look dreadful.

What happened?

Where is Number five?

I saw something incredible.

I saw three robots...

totally re-programmed in

ten minutes.

I saw Number Five crash

trough a wall, grab the girl...

I think he was rescuing her...

crash trough another wall

and drive away.

- It was screaming her name.

- Now, wait a minute.

If you're thinking what I'm

thinking you're thinking...

then you are thinking that

female chick is some sort of...

- super hacker or something.

- Sure. She's a super hacker.

First, she cracks

the Nova access code...

then, she deciphers

for the language...

I invented, all

while we were sitting in the bar.

- Which was great.

- Really? Tell me. What happened?

We were interfacing, operating

on the same wavelength...

Very good, my advice helped, then.

What happened, did she stick

her tongue down your throat?

No, no.

Come on, sit in the van and tell me.

I want to know, yes sir.

Yes! Come on, Newton.

Oh, my goodness.

I am sporting

a tremendous woody right now.

Come on, tell me Newton.

Our hands came really

close to touching.

And she said I had really

nice eyes.

Yeah, you have really brown eyes.

And then Schroeder came in with

his Gestapo and ruined it all.

Those bunch of

male-type organs.

- Right.

- That's what I'm meaning.

That's the RF receiver.

It's still tuned to Number Five's

wavelength, right?

Yes, but only if it is less than

twenty feet away.

Hello, bozos.

Guys, it's Howard. If you don't

return my van in 15 minutes...

Benjamin Jhabutiyah,

delete.

No, wait!

Rethink yourself.

Exit, depart, leave.

Hear my dust, Newton Crosby!

Let us break wind!

Newton Crosby,

no run, no talk.

Drive.

Today, Crosby, today!

Number Five?

Number Five,

where are you?

All right dipshit...

where's Number Five?

What did you do to him?

- You gotta control yourself just a tad.

- Hello.

Hi.

You kidnapped him?

Kidnapped,

shanghaied, hijacked.

Outstanding!

Communicate!

Need input!

I have questions,

queries, posers.

- You and me, both.

- Well, good.

You go up there, sit down,

look at the stars...

talk to each other,

get to know each other...

- man to man.

- Yes.

Beautiful stars.

Better see.

Beautiful stars.

Better see?

Oh, my God.

Are all geniuses as

stupid as you?

He means it's a beautiful

view of the stars.

I think he speaks very well

for a four day old.

Come. Come.

Input! Input!

Beautiful.

Right.

One more time,

from the top.

Who is your programmer?

Me.

You rewired

all your switches.

No wonder

you're malfunctioning.

Switches are my switches.

Life not malfunction.

Not malfunction.

I am alive.

No, you're not!

You can't be.

There's gotta be another

explanation.

Okay! What?

Sorry, time's up.

Wait a minute,

I'm thinking.

Could be any number

of mechanical possibilities.

Entrance of moisture

into the system.

- Heat expansion.

- Try again.

- Vibration damage.

- No way Jose.

- I'm fit as a fiddle.

- Okay.

Then why did you

ignore your programming?

Programming says "Destroy".

Is disassemble.

Make dead.

Number Five cannot.

Why?

Why cannot?

Is wrong. Incorrect.

Newton Crosby, PhD,

not know this?

Well, of course I know it's wrong

to kill, but who told you?

I told me.

Pattycake, pattycake,

baker's man

Bake me a cake

as fast as you can...

Here, I brought you some soup.

It's getting cold.

- Thank you.

- Convinced yet?

Well, I got one.

There we go.

Pattycake, Pattycake...

Number Five,

what do you make of this?

Wood pulp?

Plant, vegetable,

tomato.

Water, salt,

monosodium glutamate.

Okay. Thank you.

Now you're talking

like a robot.

And resemble,

look like...

butterfly.

Bird.

- Maple leaf.

- Where?

Holy sh*t!

No sh*t.

Where see sh*t?

Ok, here's your oscillating

circuit. That's done right.

And here's...

Now, why'd you do this?

Why'd you do this?

You shouldn't even

be operating if this goes into...

Let me get my other one.

I got it!

I got it!

All right, this is it!

Now, listen close.

There's a priest, a minister

and a rabbi.

They're out playing golf and

they're trying to decide...

how much to give to charity.

So the priest says, we'll

draw a circle on the ground...

we'll throw the money way up

in the air and whatever lands...

inside the circle,

we give to charity.

The minister says "no", we'll

draw a circle on the ground,

we'll throw the money way up in the air

and whatever lands outside the circle...

that's what we give to charity.

The rabbi says "no, no, no"...

we'll throw the money way

up in the air...

and whatever God wants, He keeps.

Oh! I get it. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho...

What's the matter?

- Is he laughing?

- Yeah.

And the joke wasn't

even that funny.

And I figured I screwed up

the punch line.

Whatever God wants

He keeps.

Well, you look kinda

shook up.

Yeah, it's really true.

Spontaneous emotional

response.

I am alive. Yes?

Yeah, yeah, yes you are.

Yes! Yes!

Hey!

I hope you bought enough

for everybody.

Give me one, too, Steph.

Oh, right on the sensor.

Danger! Nova!

All right, come on,

come down.

Why?

Just tell them he's alive.

Well, it doesn't look like

they want to hear that.

What? Wait a minute.

The plan was:
We convince you,

and you convince them.

Damn it, Crosby,

you lied to me again.

Deploy!

Hit it, hit it, hit it!

Deploy!

The army!

The real army!

Your target is there,

gentlemen.

Crosby...

if I were you I would

come out of there.

Stat.

Jesus, these guys

are really severe!

Weapons. M-16 machine guns.

- 40mm grenade launchers.

- Let me handle it.

Hi, Howard.

Schroeder. How you doin'?

Howard. Howard!

We're fine. Number Five

is right here with us.

I've got it completely

under my control.

- Another lie.

- I'm lying to them, not to you.

It's still lying.

We're coming out now.

They're cooking something up.

I can smell it.

We gotta fire them now, Howard.

Don't you dare shoot

your stupid guns.

- Where's Number Five?

- He's fine. He's in the van.

Okay. Okay.

Why don't you and the young

lady just get away from the van...

and let us handle it?

Yes, Stephanie, get away.

Danger.

No, listen...

I was able to activate

the voice command module.

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