Shortbus Page #4

Please, I'm--

I'm sorry, OK? I just--

Sometimes when I get uncomfortable, I get mean.

You are not gonna keep me keen by treating me mean.

Look, I know I can help you have an orgasm.

And maybe you can help me having a real human interaction with someone?

Maybe we could meet here every week for an hour.

I'm in a crisis.

All right, every night this week, starting tomorrow.

You're sitting all by yourself.

And you look up, and there he is.

With his lunch tray.

What's his name again?

Phil.

Phil Mudd.

Severin's not my real name.

What is your real name?

So Phil Mudd says, "Is anyone sitting here?"

And you say, "No one's ever sat here."

OK, I'm going down.

Feel the thought first.

Then get on the bus.

Just whisper it to me.

Whisper it in my ear.

I can't do it.

Oh, Phil!

I want you to see his lunch tray.

It's got a carton of homogenized milk.

Pour that all over you.

Look at his Converse.

He markered them all up.

OK, if you can't say it,

then just simply write it down.

Feel the thought first.

Then get on the bus.

All right. You gotta pull the bus over.

You're not riding safely. Park.

Jennifer.

That's a lovely name.

Oh Jennifer.

What's your last name?

Aniston?

Jennifer Aniston.

There's room for two in this world.

Good going! It's OK! It's all right!

Good work today, Jennifer.

It's a remote-controlled vibrating egg.

Where'd you get this?

That's not important.

OK, so here's the plan:

We'll mingle separately to see what we can experience safely,

and once in a while, I want you to check in with me

with this.

Jesus Christ, Sophia!

I want you to have control.

So if you're feeling threatened or horny

or if you just wanna check in and say "Hey",

buzz me, OK?

Come on, it'll be fun!

It'll be hot.

Come back, b*tch!

That's "Bumble bee kisses".

Oh, that's nice.

It's just like the 60s, only with less hope.

See anything you like?

Oh Jesus. It's a lot of stuff that I'm seeing. It's incredible.

For a minute I thought that man didn't have an arm.

So, how's the big O coming?

Oh, everybody's talking about it.

Everybody here knows.

"That's the girl that can't have orgasms."

You're sitting up here in your corner

with your flower choking your throat.

I mean, sweetheart, you gotta loosen up a little bit.

I mean, you have nice b*obs.

You've got what it takes, sweetheart, what's the holdup?

I think I have some sort of clog in my neural pathways

somewhere between my brain and my clitoris.

That's disgusting.

No, I'm serious.

Don't think of it as a clog.

Think of it as some sort of magical circuit board.

A motherboard, filled with desire, that travels all over the world.

That touches you, that touches me, that connects everybody.

You just have to find the right connection, the right circuitry.

Look at all these people out there.

They're trying to find the right connection.

And I personally expect a few blown fuses

before the night is over.

And maybe one of them will be yours.

Are you suggesting that Rob and I aren't compatible sexually?

Who the hell is Rob?

My husband.

Well, where is he right now?

I don't know.

Well, then it's time to play.

You've got the whole world. It's your playground. What do you think it will take?

Maybe somebody who's just starting to explore their sexuality, somebody...

Like a child?

No.

Not a child.

I'm not recommending it. I'm just asking.

I'm just trying to help you, dear.

You're touching my thigh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's OK.

I don't mind.

Hey-- OK. What if I asked you, um-- if I can kiss you?

Well, I don't know, I mean...

I get really scared sometimes, but...

all right, if you want to, but...

just real gently.

OK.

Wow. That was fast.

No, it's my husband.

- Oh.

He's trying to communicate with me.

- Oh.

Oh my godness, how sad! Do you want a hug?

- I just want--

- Can I use your leash for a second?

Jesus, do you have a cellphone in your twat?

No, it's-- um, he's got the remote control.

It's... this... vibrating, uh...

OK, lady. Well, you know, best of luck, thanks for everything,

as my dear departed friend Lotus Weinstock used to say:

"I used to want to change the world.

"Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity."

Excuse me while I crawl out of here.

- Um...

That's fun.

Are you guys hard?

I get something to drink. I'll be right back.

Wow. So weird.

He's awesome.

Do you think that...

What?

I don't know, I mean,

I've heard of three-way relationships,

but they're mostly in Berkeley.

What do you think?

I don't know.

He's great.

And I think we'll learn to do a lot, you know.

That's good. It's a good thing.

What?

It's a good thing?

Yeah!

What's a good thing?

I just think...

Do you hear yourself?

Do you even know what you're saying any more?

'Cause I don't.

I'm sick of having to drag every little thing out of you.

I mean--

I know you get depressed, but come on!

I'm trying!

Do you love me?

You don't love me any more?

Severin! Wait up!

Wait!

Ohhhhh!

How's it going?

Pretty great.

You had an orgasm?

No, but-- I made out with somebody.

Who?

Justin Bond.

He's an homosexual!

Apparently not.

Oh my god.

Well, he's really cute.

Yeah, he is.

I saw Rob, by the way.

Yeah. What was he up to?

He was getting f***ed up the ass.

It was really intense.

Oh god.

I'm just kidding.

You brat!

- No, seriously, though-- he was.

I should probably go find him.

What's with him?

That f***ing trust fund muppet Jesse is

like the longest relationship I've ever had.

You deserve so much more, Jennifer.

Thank you, but I can't respond to that name yet.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it any more.

I can't...

I just like...

wanna have like a house, a cat,

a pet, you know what I'm saying?

I'm sorry.

No, you shouldn't apologize.

I'm glad that you're telling me these things.

I want to hear you say these things.

I'm gonna save up all my money,

and then I'm just gonna make art for a year. Nothing else.

I know you can do it.

But everything's so f***ing expensive!

I don't even know if I can afford to live in New York any more.

Where would I go, Fresno?

It's OK.

Your skin is so soft.

Jesus.

Rob.

Hi, Rob.

Oh my god.

Oh, man.

Oh god.

Don't move.

I'm so sorry.

It's OK.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize.

- F***.

I just-- I'm like, so sensitive.

I should find Rob.

You can tell me all about it tomorrow.

Actually, um--

I can't make it tomorrow, but I will give you a call.

I'll give you a call. Later this week.

Christ.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Out of everyone here, who would you want to make out with the most?

No one.

What?

- Bus cow.

OK, spin.

Dare.

You and Severin have to go in that closet.

You do whatever the f*** you want to to her, for five minutes. While we take a pee break.

Oh my god.

I'm not gonna make out with you, OK?

I'm James.

Severin.

What is that?

It's my film.

What is it about?

I have a hard time saying.

Are you showing it here tonight?

I don't know.

What are you guys doing in there?

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