Shorts Page #2

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scientists and they called them witches...

...because the townspeople

didn't understand science...

...and they thought it was magic.

Like using a magic rock

to make wishes come true.

- But I have a hypenothesis.

- Hypothesis.

Loogie, you didn't do your homework,

did you?

Yeah, I did, but a crocodile ate it.

Really, I'm serious.

Next presenter.

Scientists who study wasps...

...have long observed aggressive behavior

in stronger females...

...towards the weaker males

of the colony...

...including threats of stinging

and mauling.

But recently, they have discovered

that some females...

...will force the male headfirst

into an empty cell in the nest.

Behavior known as "male stuffing."

I'd like to demonstrate this phenomenon

using a trash can and a volunteer.

Toe Thompson?

- Hey, my name is Toby...

- Shh.

The Blinkers are going for the record.

They've been in a stare-off

since second period.

What's the record?

Longer than you have to live.

Candy bars?

Why do you let yourself

get bullied like that?

I don't really think I have a choice.

Sure you do.

Doesn't matter who their dad is.

What matters is who you are,

who you wanna be.

And you live your life like that?

Of course. Ow.

Come on, Loogie, you dork.

We gotta get home.

We're gonna try to get the baby

to give us lottery numbers.

Good luck with

the whole two-minutes-to-live thing.

It shouldn't be this hard to make friends.

I'm smart. I'm funny.

Like funny, ha-ha. Not funny weird.

So, what's wrong with me?

What's wrong with you?

Oh, buddy, where do I begin?

Run, run, run. Chase, chase, chase.

Ah.

Get me a rock!

Get me a rock!

Where's my rock?

Run!

It's gonna be worse for you

tomorrow, freak.

Let's go!

Huh?

Make a wish.

Who said that?

Make a wish.

Must be hearing things.

Make a wish.

Make a wish.

Okay, okay.

I wish I had friends...

...as interesting and as unique as I am.

Friends.

Come on, guys. Get in there.

We sifted some flour.

We talk about clarified butter, because

people get concerned about butter.

You can make clarified butter at home.

Hi.

Why didn't you take the bus?

That's always our backup plan.

It's okay. I just felt like walking.

Sorry, son. I, uh, texted your mom to

pick you up, because my meeting ran late.

I texted your dad saying that I couldn't go,

so he should leave early and pick you up.

Your text messages must've gotten lost

in a sea of my text messages.

Same with yours. Mine. Whatever.

Noodles?

It's okay, I'll serve myself.

Oh. You having problems

with your Black Box too?

Yeah.

No.

Ugh! I just broke up with my boyfriend.

He thinks he's so mature, you know?

He's not. He's a child.

He is living with his parents

and isn't he, like, 23?

No.

What was that?

It's probably the ice maker...

...making ice?

I'll go check on it.

Humph.

Whoa.

Did you guys come

from a gourmet planet?

Thanks, guys.

Team leaders!

Progress report.

Uh, I've implemented some new procedurals

that should maximize our value potential.

Well, I have highlighted our asset

management and jump-started...

...our business paradigm.

One moment, please.

Sounds like a load to me.

Initiate termination procedure?

Mm.

Not yet.

I'll fire one of them

at the company costume ball.

That should be good

for company morale.

Very well, then.

Keep up the good work, you two.

We are gonna get fired.

Nice.

Very nice.

Time to clean your room, sport.

Well...

...someone's looking

for a raise in their allowance.

Do you guys also clean...

...teeth?

Toby. Where are my keys?

I know you're hiding them,

you little alien.

Maybe I do keep messing up...

...and maybe it is all my fault, but...

No, no. I broke up with you...

...so why are you calling me,

Mr. I'm-23-And-l-Still-Live-With-My-Mom?

Hey, I wish you would

just stop talking about my mom...

Pretty.

...and just go out with me again, God.

Oh. Okay, well, I wish

you'd grow up. How about...

Whoa, that's huge!

My hand's huge!

My hand's huger than my foot!

I'm growing, I'm growing!

- Relax. Jeez.

I'm getting so big that...

You fixed all my teeth.

How strong are you guys?

I mean, if you really had to be tough

against a bully.

Because I might have a job for you

tomorrow at school.

I was hoping for something

a little more menacing.

I will show no mercy.

You're hired.

I have no time for you,

but now I'm having to chase you down?

I don't feel so good. I'm in the hospital.

- In the hospital?

- And it's all your fault.

Oh, my fault? How is it my fault?

They're building me

a bigger room as we speak.

They're making a bigger

room for you? What are...

- You see what happens?

- Hello?

Oh, no! It's happening again!

Hello?

Dad says I have to give you a ride.

It's okay. I just feel like walking.

You look different.

Did you bathe or something?

No.

Weirdo.

I'll take it from here, guys.

Can't have anybody seeing you...

...yet.

There he is!

Grab him!

How would you like your braces

up your nose?

Your braces.

Where are they?

Up my nose.

I put a few candy bars in the front pocket.

My Black Box is set to music mode

in case you get hungry or bored.

Who are you talking to?

Imaginary friends?

Rock 'n' roll.

Heavy metal.

Not today.

Now, class, we continue our experiments

with combustible liquids...

...so everyone please take your seats

and make sure to wear eye protection.

Now that we've isolated our agents...

...we can make a hypothesis

as to the outcome.

Toby, can we stifle our inner

High School Musical long enough...

...to observe this chemical reaction?

I have to get it exactly right.

Once we introduce the catalyst...

- Give it back.

- Mine, mine, mine.

Mine, mine, mine.

Mine.

Ow!

- Sorry.

- You will be.

Drop it!

Very perceptive, Toby.

We must be certain

to use the proper amount of catalyst.

In this case...

...one drop.

- That's it.

- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You asked for it.

Say hello to my little friends.

Mr. Thompson, perhaps a visit

to the principal's office is in order...

...possibly followed by one

to the school psychologist!

Break!

I think I broke...

...a nail.

Me too.

I'm gonna squash you for this.

I know.

So you don't know

who those little dudes were?

I thought they were my friends.

He wished for friends.

We should abduct him.

He is not evolved enough

for an autopsy.

He has friends all around.

He just doesn't know it yet.

Well, my alien buddies didn't stick around.

I guess friends can't be wished

into existence.

You gotta work for them.

Ha. Ha.

Let's see you try it.

I was right.

You do like me.

You gotta have enemies...

...to know who your friends are.

Mm, toe jam.

And now that my space aliens

have disappeared...

...I have at least one new friend:

Loogie.

In fact, he's really the one

to blame for all this.

So let's go all the way back

to the real beginning...

...with Loogie, his brothers...

...and the storm that started it all.

I'm tired of video games

and I'm bored with TV.

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