Shorts Page #5

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You look stupid.

So do you.

What did I tell you two?

That's not how you treat people.

Courtesy, consideration, respect.

You know it. Now do it.

- Yes, Dad.

- Yes, Dad.

Stop calling me!

I never call you.

Loogie?

I figured out

where your friends came from.

It was a rock, a rainbow-colored rock.

You make a wish

and then it comes true.

You must have found it. Where is it?

- Mom.

- Hello?

I'm not your mom.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But you growing is not important, okay?

I don't care how big your feet are now.

Remember our honeymoon?

I gotta take this call.

If I can get this guy onboard,

I can make all our wishes come true.

- Tulum.

- Right.

We could go back there, you know.

There's no phones, no emails,

no text messaging, no Black Box.

It's just the two of us.

We did yoga together.

We did yoga together. We had bala...

Call dropped. Stupid phone feature.

Meh, he'll call back.

A little help up here, pal.

I just wish we were closer.

Right.

- Really close.

- Mm-hm.

What just happened?

- We can't go in there!

- Of course we can't!

How is Mr. Black gonna take me seriously

wearing your dress?

Someone's coming!

Shh!

Helvetica, someone rang the doorbell

and ran off.

Are you making enemies again?

Well, you see, there's this boy...

If they come back, let me handle it.

Not you. Understood?

- Change us back.

- I didn't do this.

You said you wanted us to be closer

and then, zap, we were.

Now change us back.

I want us to be back

the way we were too.

You must have done something wrong.

Typical B-Team work.

- Somebody's trying to teach us a lesson.

- About what, anatomy?

- That's me. That's my guy. I can't...

- Let it go to voicemail, for crying out loud.

I've been waiting for this call all night.

What you looking for?

Ow!

What did you do that one for?

I warned you to stay away,

Toe Thompson!

- My name is Toby!

- Helvetica.

Why all the shouting?

Oh. Dad, this is Toe. I mean, Toby.

He was just coming by

to bring me my math homework.

Please accept my apologies, young man.

My daughter has the habit of

bringing unwanted attention upon herself.

- Dad.

- Hel.

Take him inside,

put some ice on his head.

We'll talk about this later.

Let's go, Hel.

Now stay still.

What are you doing here?

Came here to get my mom's purse.

- Thanks for the ice. Bye.

- Wait. Don't go.

Let go of the wishing rock.

- Wishing rock? How does it work?

- I said fishing rock.

Heh, heh. Two points.

You stupid excuse for a brother.

I wish you were

a stupid little dung beetle.

Did you see that?

Wow.

- We have to go get that rock.

- And how are we gonna do that?

Mr. And Mrs. Thompson,

excellent costume.

Pity we aren't giving out prizes.

Come in.

Wait a minute.

- Aren't you on opposing teams?

- Yes.

But I'm still his better half, so...

"Miscommunication."

Our theme for the night.

If you would please join the others,

I'll be addressing everyone shortly.

So far, so good.

Nobody's really noticed us.

Just don't trip.

I'm gonna change you back.

Just stay here so you don't get squished

and quit your whining.

Give me my rock back.

My brother's a bug.

So, what's new?

The rock's out there somewhere.

Stay here while I go get it.

Nope. We go together.

Like Siamese twins.

I'll need everyone's attention.

The fate of Version X of the Black Box

lies in the hands of two teams.

I made a promise to myself

and more importantly the world...

...that I would never release

an upgrade...

...that didn't meet

our highest standards of wow.

The winning team will be showered

with accolades...

...and the losers get a one-way ticket

to Canned City.

- I'll need the representatives...

- That's us.

...from Team A and Team B

to step up here now.

Can you stand a little further apart?

We can't very well fire just one of you

if you're standing together as one.

Keep your friends close,

but your enemies closer, eh?

Now that's the honest go-for-the-throat

spirit I'm talking about.

I wish each and every one of you

had that same go-for-the-throat spirit.

What are you doing?

What's happening?

Have you all gone mad?

- Aah! My back is going out.

- No, your back is not going out.

Thompson!

Do you know what's happening?

I believe Team A has discovered

the solution to the upgrade problem.

That's the solution

to our little problem, remember?

We've got the rock now, Dad.

We can have anything we want.

Just wish for it.

This is all your doing,

isn't it, young lady?

No, Dad, just listen.

We're here to talk about a box!

A Black Box, not a round colorful rock.

This box needs to be able

to do everything.

That's what this does.

That's the last straw. Helvetica,

go to your room, don't ever come out!

No! I wish you would

just listen to me for a change.

I wish these casts were off.

Not his, just mine.

Shh!

I wish for a rocket bike.

I know what it's like

to feel that no one's listening.

That no one's your friend.

But Helvetica...

...I'm your friend.

I don't need friends.

See you, stooges.

We're not riding that.

See? Teamwork. Togetherness.

We're connecting.

Would you look at that?

- Turn left.

- My left or your left?

It's the same thing, isn't it?

We are so not connected.

I wish you were all back to normal!

Well, obviously someone spiked

the Kool-Aid.

You'll remember none of this

in the morning.

Give me that rock back.

Or I'll break every other bone

in your body.

You wish.

Where is that funny little stone

of yours?

That idiot threw it...

...clear over there somewhere.

Did he?

Guess we're back

to our old separate selves.

We don't have to be.

- That rock could have gotten one of us...

- We don't need the rock.

We just have to go to Mr. Black

and tell him no competing teams.

We are not gonna work

against each other anymore.

Two heads are better than one.

Strike a balance?

Connected?

Completely.

Don't get that.

I won't.

All right, you get the idea.

They learned their lesson

and decided that from now on...

...they would truly stand together.

They were gonna need it

where they were headed.

We all were.

- Breathe!

- Breathe!

It was nice seeing you, Nose.

I promise I'll call you!

- Can't believe we got the rock.

- I know. What should we wish for first?

First I wish these casts were off.

The rock's potential is bigger than us.

We gotta be careful and start by... Aah!

Handing it over to me.

Cole. I think we're gonna need

another trash can.

It must be Christmas.

- Hey, she has a rock just like ours.

- That is ours, you dummy.

- Hey, guys.

- Look who it is.

Everybody's favorite

booger-eating germophobe.

What are you doing outside, bubble boy?

Yeah. What did you wish for, guts?

No. He came out on his own.

He didn't need the rock. Ew.

That's right, I'm not afraid

of anything anymore.

Not even you, typeface.

Put the rock on the ground

and step away.

Dad, what are you doing?

- Grab the rock and make a wish.

- It's all for the best, Helvetica.

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