Shotgun Wedding Page #2

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Raise it up, raise it up,

raise it up

He's not that good.

- [ Continues, Indistinct ]

- [ All ]

Yay!

We made it.

Last stop.

What is the damage,

my friend?

Sixty-five.

- [ Ted ] Sixty-five.

- Could the judge live any

farther from civilization?

[ Maid Of Honor ]

Hey, guys!

Hey, hey!

Wait for me!

We're down to Pensee.

[ Chuckling ]

Hey, did everybody see

my pearl necklace?

My daddy bought it for me.

[ All Shushing ]

Where are we going?

[ Rock On Stereo ]

I love you.

They love each other.

[ Chuckles ]

Stop it!

[ Pensee Laughs ]

Camera guy!

Listen! Listen!

This is where we live.

You'll see Mika

with our camera.

She can see us.

Look at this. Hello!

Oh!

Aim for the rim.

Aim for the rim.

[ All Cheering ]

Pretty hungry--

Hey!

You guys ever feel

like every day is, like--

Like every day is like

trying to get...

a f***in' cashew

in the hat.

[ All Chanting ]

Vows! Vows! Vows! Vows! Vows!

"I, Robert,

take you, Rosemary,

to be

my lawfully wedded wife,

in sickness and in health,

in richness and in poorness--

hopefully more richness

than poorness"--

[ Sarcastic Chuckle ]

[ Pensee ]

Hey-oh!

"good hair days

and bad hair days,

when you're looking

smoking hot...

and on those occasions

when maybe you're feeling

a little bloated"--

[ Pensee ]

Whoa! Oh, hell, no!

[ Ted ]

I don't think you should put

jokes in your vows, man.

[ All Talking At Once ]

No, guys.

Rosemary thinks I'm funny.

She likes it when I'm funny.

But not when you're

supposed to be pledging

your undying love and fidelity.

Yeah, man.

They're really terrible.

[ Pensee ]

She'll hate it,

and then she'll hate you.

[ Ted ]

You should take

another pass on 'em, seriously.

[ Pensee ]

They're really immature.

All right. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll fix 'em.

[ Man ]

You're already-- [ Indistinct ]

[ Robert ] Hey, listen.

You been here all night, man.

You can go home if you want.

I can go?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[ Pensee ]

Three-way!

[ Laughing ]

[ Indistinct ]

[ Pensee ]

Yay!

[ All Laughing, Shouting ]

[ Pensee ]

It's okay. It's okay.

Everything's gonna be just--

[ Laughs ]

Dong-dong, dong-dong,

dong-dong, dong-dong

[ Man ]

We're standing in puke.

[ Pensee ]

I wrote "dong" on his face.

[ Laughing ]

Room for one more!

I'm coming.

I've never felt so alive.

Here. Two guys.

Good old time.

And the groomsman.

Rosemary is so cool

and hot.

Oh, man, thanks.

And rich.

Thanks, man.

Rich in tits!

[ Burbling ]

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah.

[ Robert ]

Protect the home base.

This is our land!

[ Imitates Shotgun Blast ]

I was on fire today.

Never even shot a gun before.

[ Robert ]

That's beginner's luck.

[ Laughs ]

Your best score

tied my worst score. What?

Oh, yeah?

Pull.

[ Imitates Shotgun Blast ]

Nailed it again.

[ Pensee Laughs ]

[ Plate Shatters ]

Can't miss.

Wait. What are you guys

talking about?

Skeet shooting.

What? Let's shoot skeet now.

Pensee, it's the middle

of the night. We can't--

I'm the groom.

We can do

what we want.

Whoa!

[ Imitates Shotgun ]

[ Plate Shatters ]

Come on!

[ Pensee ]

It's time to go

and shoot something.

I don't know what it is.

[ Ted ]

Love murder!

[ Robert ]

Okay.

[ Pensee ] Yeah.

Shh, shh, shh.

Shh!

It's like a--

Pensee, quiet.

I didn't say anything!

Pensee, quiet.

You be quiet!

You're talking.

I wasn't.

Okay. No more talking.

[ Chuckles ]

You wanna hold it?

Yeah, I do.

Touch it.

What was that?

You want me to shoot you?

Follow me.

[ Shotgun C*cks ]

[ Chuckles ]

All right. You ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Are you ready-ready?

I'm ready.

You ready-ready-ready?

Are you ready?

[ Pensee ]

I'm ready.

Okay.

Okay. Pull!

[ Gunshot ]

Oh! Slam!

[ Chattering ]

[ Blaze ]

They didn't invite me to this?

F***in' a**holes, man.

[ Robert ]

You did.

I did.

[ Groans ]

Well, that's why I think

it's too easy.

I need something harder.

Take three paces,

turn around

and then try to shoot it.

Three paces, turn around--

Turn around.

Fire. No looking.

No look-sees.

Hello, lovelies.

You are about

to see me shoot a gun.

For the very first time. Ever.

[ Robert ]

Okay. Pull it.

Ever!

Robert, no!

[ Blaze ]

Oh, sh*t! Oh, no!

[ Ted ] F***!

Pensee? Pensee?

[ Blaze ]

F***!

Are you okay?

I think something hit me

in the face.

[ Ted ] What do we do?

Do we move her? Call someone?

Call the police?

Oh, my God.

Who do you call when you

shoot someone in the face?

Someone's been shot. Oh.

We need to call

a paramedic, right?

Don't touch your face.

Yes, I'll do it.

Oh, boy.

We need help. 911.

We need help.

Someone's been shot.

It's gonna take too long.

Listen. My mom-- Side room

right over there, okay?

She's a nurse.

She's a school nurse,

dude!

She's still a nurse, Ted!

I'm so sleepy.

Pensee! Get up!

Look at this weirdy.

Look at this weirdo.

Do not fall asleep.

There she is.

[ Giggles ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Pensee ]

I did it.

Guys, where am I?

What kind of ding-a-lings shoot

guns in the middle of the night?

You're getting married tomorrow.

Mom, she just got shot

in the face.

You can yell at me later.

What do you think, Mom?

We should call 911.

Right, Mom?

Uh-- No, no, no.

Now hold on.

I think she's probably okay.

Yeah?

This is mostly swelling.

Oh.

Yeah.

We just need to clean her up

and she'll be right as rain.

I still get to be

maid of honor, right?

I was totally looking forward

to it, and Rosemary chose me.

Oh. Oh--

Let's take her

to the emergency room.

Come on. Let's go

to the emergency room.

You listen to me,

Robert Allen Fletcher.

I-- I do understand

what is happening here.

I will not allow

my baby's wedding

to get derailed...

by a-- by a...

simple accident.

Do you think that Judge Milton

will want to pay for

a second wedding...

because you shot his daughter's

adorable maid of honor

in the face?

This is not important,

is it?

I mean, this is just

some big fancy wedding.

This is Pensee's life.

We can--

Rosemary and I,

we can go to Vegas.

We can marry in Vegas.

It doesn't matter.

I was in labor

for 32 hours with you.

Thirty-two hours.

With no drugs.

And I wanted the drugs!

But I said no, for you.

I did not go through that

so you could have a wedding...

performed by some Elvis

or some ordained drag queen.

What if Rosemary

isn't okay with that?

What if she

changes her mind?

[ Ted ]

Yvette's right. Yvette's right.

This is more important.

This is the turning point

of your entire life.

What the f***

is wrong with you two?

Pensee, dear.

You understand, right?

You don't want to be the reason

that the whole wedding

gets called off.

Oh, my gosh. Do you?

No! No! I really don't.

I'm so sorry my face got in

front of your bullets, Robert.

Those guns

don't shoot bullets.

It's a bird shot.

...stupid!

This is not your fault.

You are not stupid.

[ Yvette ]

Shut up, Robert.

This is Pensee's decision,

not yours.

And she's on my side.

Ted, get him out of here.

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