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No, I ain't gonna wrap you up

in caution tape.

But I'll tell you, punk, I might whip

your ass up and down the parking lot.

Work on your Starsky and Hutch

routine on your own time.

You better walk off.

I was getting ready to slap you.

- He's a disgrace.

- You'd work with him?

Never in a million years.

- I think we have good chemistry.

- Riveting.

- Amazing.

- Really?

Thank you. All right.

The guy's a joke.

There's no way I'll work with him.

I don't want to hear it.

Sh*t, come on.

Thanks.

You're doing this. That's an order.

Trapped in the jaws, he struggled.

You'll never see no brothers

messing with no sharks.

Never.

Hello?

I saw you on TV,

shooting up the neighborhood.

What's going on, Vargas?

I was trying to call you, dog.

Oh, yeah?

I got cell phones, call waiting,

e- mail, voice mail...

...and I haven't heard una chingada

from you.

It ain't like that, dog.

I laying low till everything

dies down. It got crazy.

And did I say you could use my gun?

You know, Lazy Boy, I trusted you.

And you let me down.

And now you put

my entire shipment at risk.

You used that gun

without my permission.

We don't want that getting

into the wrong hands, do we now?

No, I was just borrowing it.

Just testing it out, you know?

- And how did it work?

- Real good. I got it right here.

So we cool, right?

- Yeah. We cool.

- I'm sorry about--

Don't worry. We cool, Lazy Boy. Okay?

- We're cool.

- All right.

You two have a nice night. Okay?

All right.

What the hell was that all about?

What the hell?

- What's that?

- Stop playing this sh*t, man.

Get down!

Freeze! L.A.P.D.

What do I do?

Cut, cut, cut, cut. Cut.

Let's do it again.

Freeze! L.A.P.D.

That how he's doing it?

I'm laying my sh*t out.

Freeze! L.A.P.D. That sh*t is right.

Ready?

Patrolling your area at Friday...

Friday night at 8. Eight.

Patrolling every Friday at 8.

Yeah, good, and be happy.

Why should I? I'm patrolling.

You're happy because

you're patrolling.

Keeping it safe, Mitch.

Patrolling every Friday at night.

Every Friday night at 8.

This guy is the worst actor

I have ever seen.

- Get out.

- Wait a minute, hold it, cut, cut.

Mitch, you can't just

toss a cameraman aside.

Give me a pad, I'll show you

how a TV cop comes through the door.

The doors fly open.

They fly open. You burst in.

You scan the room.

You do the turn, toss yourself around.

And now! You're set and--

But don't turn your head

too far from camera.

That little lady is your lover. Don't

respect her, she won't respect you.

- Always know where she is.

- She's in my way.

What's wrong?

You're getting tips from T.J. Hooker.

Which is the most underrated show

in history.

- Nobody came through a door like you.

- Thank you.

- This guy is no detective.

- I'm playing a detective.

- I'm playing detective.

- All right, guys.

- I'm playing a detective.

- Okay.

Let's go do some hood-jumping.

What's that?

- What do you think? We jump over hoods.

- Something you'd know.

Freeze!

That was great, Trey.

Beautiful. That was really great.

- Okay, Mitch. Come here.

- I'm not going on the hood of a car.

- What do you mean?

- Forget it.

I entertained viewers everywhere

in the '80s, jumping on car hoods.

One of a TV cop's greatest weapons.

I'll show you.

You gotta stop them, see? Halt!

And you throw your body. Halt!

You okay, T.J.?

Moving on.

Who stole the money?

Deep in thought.

Now the eyebrows arch,

ever so slightly.

And Hooker solves another case.

Okay? All right, Trey, you try it.

Go ahead. Ready?

- Get loose now. Loosen up. Ready?

- Yeah.

Trey, who stole the money?

Good. You nailed it, first take.

Give me five. That was good!

Okay, Mitch.

Come on, show me some magic.

Mitch, who stole the money?

Look at that, Trey. Look.

Look at the anger in his eyes.

Look at that.

See that slight squint says,

"Hey, I'm Mitch. I'm the man.

Don't mess with me."

Okay. Let's taste some drugs.

Hooker's got a bag

of white powder in his hand.

Spears it open with a pocketknife.

Takes his little pinkie...

...in the powder.

And he touches it,

gently, on his tongue.

Watch the eyebrows.

Hooker knows it's cocaine.

What if it's cyanide?

Hello? Hold on. There's a reason

real cops don't taste drugs, Bill.

It's never cyanide.

Show me the thing with your eyebrow.

- Okay, I'm on my way.

- It's tricky.

- Where are you going?

- I gotta wash this sh*t out of my hair.

We have some action?

We have some action, finally.

- Beep, beep!

- Hey, Mitch.

- What'd you do to my car?

- We added micro cameras.

In the wheel, the glove compartment

and a crook-cam in the back.

- Pretend they're not there.

- Pretend.

- See? You're catching on already.

- We'll be right behind you in the van.

You'll be right behind me?

What are you doing?

I'm on the case. I'm your partner.

We're together.

Unbelievable.

What's the mean face for?

Listen. Don't speak, listen.

There's a few things

I need to tell you.

First of all, you gotta know

that I got your back covered...

...and I gotta know

you got mine covered.

No doubt.

When we're on the job you're

the only person I can depend on.

Not friends, family,

not anybody, just you.

You got that?

That's important.

There's no other way.

And it's gotta start right now.

You know, ever since I was 8,

I wanted to be a cop.

I wanted to be on the force

like Uncle Reggie.

He was the first in the family

on the force. Big muscles.

Uncle Reggie.

He used to let me ride

in the squad car with him.

Once he let me play with the siren.

From then on...

...I knew I was gonna be a cop.

Uncle Reggie.

Yeah.

My uncle--

Uncle Reggie passed away

two years ago.

He got caught in the line

of some fire.

Didn't slow me down.

I remember how he set me on my way.

He's looking down on me

from a big precinct in the sky.

He's thinking, "You've done all right,

Trey. You've done right by me."

What does that

got to do with anything?

- You got a speech, so I get a speech.

- That wasn't a speech.

That "I'm your partner."

That was a speech.

You burned up 90 seconds of air.

That was a speech.

When we get to the crime scene,

stay out of my way.

This isn't studio sh*t.

This is real.

- Get your camera out of here.

- Hey, watch it.

Julio has to shoot. That's the show.

He's done Jerry Springer.

That's right. Whatever you need,

I'm there.

If I get shot, stabbed, it's cool.

Whatever. I'm getting good footage.

Just remember three words:

Go to Trey.

- I'm Trey.

- Julio.

- You worked on Springer?

- Springer, Girls Gone Wild.

Get that camera out of here.

Who's in the bag?

We don't know yet.

Whoever shot him didn't care

for open caskets.

Thinking what I'm thinking?

I seriously doubt it.

I'm thinking there's dirty

cops on the streets...

...cleaning the streets up

on they own terms, partner.

This is payback for a drug deal

gone sour.

Whoever this guy worked for

got pissed.

Even better. This is a bad guy

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