Showtime Page #4

retribution scenario.

Good thinking, partner.

Good thinking.

I think I can identify

one of the victims.

Those are 12-gauge, armor-piercing

uranium shells.

- Charlie.

- Hey, Mitchell.

I found explosive and incendiary

rounds scattered around.

The same gun that put holes

in your TV repair shop.

It appears to be hand-held, automatic,

with interchangeable magazines.

Technically, this gun doesn't exist.

- What do you mean?

- This gun is like the 50-foot shark.

Speak English.

It's out there,

but nobody's ever seen it.

Any idea who made it?

It's a custom job. My guess is,

it's out of Eastern Europe.

- Thanks, Charlie. Keep your eyes open.

- You bet.

- What are you doing?

- Take it easy.

- You're not supposed to touch.

- I didn't. I turned it over.

- Let me know when you touch--

- I don't have to--

- What's going on?

- He's contaminating my crime scene.

I'm doing a sweep of the area.

You never know where a crucial

bit of evidence may be hiding.

Like this, for instance.

Did anybody think to pull some prints

off this water bottle?

Can I get an evidence bag?

Put down my water.

I'm not finished drinking it.

That's an honest mistake.

You got your water amongst potential

evidence so I thought it was...

Hey, T.J., go solve the case

somewhere else.

Don't give me orders,

I'm your partner!

No, you're not,

I partner with real cops.

- Get me a copy of that report.

- All right, Mitch.

Well, I am your partner,

so you better accept that.

I am your partner!

He won't open up. You know how hard

it is to work with somebody like that?

I know. Mitch has been a lot

more resistant than I'd hoped for.

I think that you and Mitch

need some bonding time.

You're right. We do.

We need some QT time together.

Two guys hanging out, have some beers.

I'll call to see

if he wants to hang out.

Let's not call him.

Let's just go over.

- Just show up?

- Surprise him.

What are you doing?

How hard is it to say,

"Hi, Trey, nice to see you"?

Hi, Trey. What are you doing here?

We got off on the wrong foot.

I got some food.

We can eat the food and bond a bit.

- Bond?

- Yeah.

How'd you get my address?

- Hi, Mitch.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah.

- I gave it to him.

- Will you invite us in? Don't be rude.

- Do I have to?

You got us out in the hall

like a Jehovah's Witness.

I gotta see where my star cop lives.

Come on, Mitch.

- Oh, my God.

- Mitch...!

Nice.

Got a little smell to it.

Not a stinky smell, an odd one.

What is that smell?

Is this here your actual living area?

This is my Batcave. A tunnel

in the garage leads to my mansion.

What's the problem?

Research tells us buddy cops

live in visually distinctive places.

Like a trailer on the beach or

a loft downtown. That kind of thing.

Your research shows that, huh?

Where does he live?

I rent a guesthouse from a producer.

- Kind of gives off a Magnum vibe.

- Totally.

It's unique. You know what, Mitch?

We can make this work.

Did a crackhead make this cup?

- It's not visually exciting enough?

- No. It's just--

The point is to let the audience

in on all aspects of your life.

They want to spend time in a place

that speaks to your personality.

This does speak to my personality.

Mitch, I think you need some time

away from the job.

I just found the crackhead's shop.

Hey, don't go in there.

This is what you smell

all over the place.

Wow, a pottery studio!

You're full of surprises.

How long you been doing this?

- Six years, give or take.

- You really got a knack for it.

This room's off-limits.

It's not for show.

Okay, Mitch.

We haven't done any bonding

at all yet.

Bond with yourself, I got work to do.

Hey!

Check this out.

Must be some Hollywood d*ckhead.

- Not bad, huh?

- A cop never slides across the hood.

- Why? It's not police procedure?

- Your holster scratches the paint.

Nice.

They can buff that sh*t out.

- I'm trying for detective.

- You take the exam?

- Twice.

- And you think you won't fail again?

Now I'm working with Mitch Preston.

Give me some tips, and I'll tip you

on how to look better on camera.

- Tips like what?

- You wear plaids, like fishermen.

That's ugly sh*t. Wear solids.

You look slimmer on camera.

- I'll keep that in mind.

- Got any tips for me?

Yeah, stay out of my way

and I won't shoot you.

What the hell's going on?

Welcome to America's window

on your world.

What is this?

- We made your workspace camera-ready.

- My work space?

I think it captures the reality

of an inner-city precinct.

Is this where you do the makeup?

No. This is good. You have to see it.

Mitch, you have to see this.

- Look at your desk. It's so beautiful.

- Is this my desk?

That's your desk. And that's yours,

Mitch. We didn't change it.

But this is a confessional. All right?

Talk about anything you want.

You can talk about the job,

each other...

...your sex lives. I mean,

only if you want to. Direct to camera.

- No, thanks.

- You could put a pottery wheel there.

Look, Mitch, this is an integral

part of the show.

You're obligated to spend

five minutes a day in here.

We've provided a chair.

All you have to do is sit and share.

- Share?

- Learn how to turn on your heart light.

- Exactly.

- Chase!

Brad loves the promo footage.

- But they need a catch phrase.

- I got one. "I wish I was dead."

You need a catch phrase? I got it.

- When I'm about to make a bust--

- When did you ever make a bust?

Don't tell me.

When I'm about to make a bust,

to get in the moment...

...I take three deep breaths and say to

myself, "Okay, Trey, it's showtime!"

- You say that?

- That's stupid.

- What's stupid about it?

- Know what?

Don't say it, please.

No, I have to say it, Mitch.

"Showtime." It's amazing.

- That could be the name of our show!

- See? It's not stupid. It's perfect.

Say it again for the camera.

Do it again with the breathing.

My God, you're a natural.

It's showtime!

This is Harley Barley taking calls

from fans of the new series Showtime.

Let's go to Pete from Idaho.

You're on the air.

I wanted to say to Mitch,

I know how you feel.

I mean, I got a lot of anger

inside me too.

I want to take my gun

and blow everybody away!

Thank you, Pete.

You sure you're not calling from Waco?

Let's go to line three.

Mandy, you're on.

I just love me some Showtime.

I'm your biggest fan. Trey is so fine.

- I could ride that.

- What?

Thank you, Mandy.

I'm on Showtime. What's up?

Trey! Marry me, Trey!

Marry me, Trey!

I'm gonna be honest, you know.

It's natural, when you're in

a situation that's shitty...

...to think about what it might be

like to have a different partner.

Like somebody that was

closer to your age.

Charismatic, with a little flair

and sh*t.

You kicking it with him,

have some fun.

Me and a Wesley Snipes type.

I know you won't get Wesley.

I see Wesley Snipes types

all the time.

Me and a Wesley Snipes type?

Can you imagine?

Wesley Snipes type?

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes